Constant rejection?

Question

Okay so I'm clearly the most defective, hideous and unloveable person there ever was. I cannot do anything right. I try and try and try to be the very best version of me and nobody wants me. I am nothing to nobody. I am so tired of trying and being rejected. Does anyone have any advice on dealing with constantly being rejected or any words of encouragement because I am just so done with trying to mean something to anybody. Has anyone else gone through this much hurt? How do you deal with it?

WoodenS510 · Accepted Answer

We had an exchange on this site which was hilarious, you obviously are not just attractive but have a fun personality so it's not you in your natural relaxed state.
I am just going to throw out a theory that may or may not apply but I've encountered situations where I have decided not to pursue really hot girls; and they told me I was the first person to "reject them." The reason why was because of what I sensed as a mixture of anxiety, high expectations and lack of patience. In other words, they were getting insecure and seeking something to make them secure and what they were not doing was (1) being present and enjoying the moment (2) I didn't feel they were attracted to me as much as a concept of being together with someone "In love with the idea of being in love" and (3) the experience feels very impersonal.
This scenario has happened to every girl and many don't understand what just happened. However, imagine being the guy... she doesn't know you (at least that's how the guy will feel) and therefore the guy will not feel it is genuine and more about them than you. As a guy you feel that it will be impossible to make her happy because the expectation was so high and so rapid, before getting to know you, and you even though she thinks she is not being unappreciative about whatever is happening (a date for example) she doesn't feel present which can be interpreted as "being with me now is not good enough for her" and I know, having 3 sisters, this is just a huge miscommunication however it is all fueled by "looking for love and acceptance vs. Being present and open to options" and maybe only little pieces of this applies to you, but a guy and a girl can always sense this energy from one another even if they can't articulate it.

BearsAnswers · Accepted Answer

You are obviously pretty enough to be girlfriend material judging by your profile picture, so it won't have anything to do with looks. Face, anyway.

That leaves a few things. If the problem is on your end, it will be either your personality or your mannerisms, but the problem could very well be on the other end, meaning that either you are looking for the wrong guys, the guys you like are at an age that they aren't looking long term, or they are not able to see the 'real you', which is probably a joint problem having to do with both presentation on your part and perception on theirs.

It can be difficult to give a solid answer when you are only able to hear from one side of the equation - you hear a lot of questions on here about people that worry about being single and describe themselves as being smart, beautiful, funny, kind, loyal, successful, fun and outgoing... and so part of the problem is clearly that their vision of themselves doesn't match the way other people see them, because if they were all of those things they wouldn't have the problem that they have. Maybe they get really clingy really fast, maybe they have some annoying quirks, maybe they get painfully jealous, maybe they get pouty when they don't get their way, maybe they are rude to waiters, maybe they never have anything interesting to say, or constantly cut you off in a conversation, maybe they don't have any interests or passions of their own or any strive towards personal growth. There could be tons of reasons why someone ends up rejected, a lot of them falling through the cracks that a person usually self-presents.

You are definitely not alone is suffering from a lot of rejection though.

FallOutBoy2001 · Accepted Answer

God I know exactly what you feel like. My life really just hit an all time low a while ago, die to the sheer amount of crap people were giving me. This is going to sound so weird, but music was my savior. I would spend hours every day in my room just listening to music because music wouldn't criticize me or tell me I wasn't good enough. Fall Out Boy taught me I'm good enough, that feeling worthless doesn't mean you are worthless, and someone will always love you for who you are, you just might not have found them yet. Pierce the Veil taught me that taking care of yourself is the only way anything will get better, and that hurting yourself hurts everyone. My Chem taught me I have to be myself, I shouldn't conform to what society wants me to do, and that no matter what I wear or who I like, it doesn't make me less of a human being or worthless. Thought I should share some lessons I learned, now that I'm much happier, and encourage you to find something, anything, that is like music was to me

Echo123 · Accepted Answer

Start with stopping the belittling of yourself. Next, give yourself some time! People find love at all different ages. Also consider rejection isn't always about you. Just because someone doesn't want to be with you doesn't mean you're not worth being with. Not everyone will automatically want to be with you.

Deal with it by reminding yourself you are a great catch and when that right person comes along he ( or she ) will appreciate all those great qualities you know you have!

Cmasterson · Accepted Answer

I think once you stop trying to be the best person you can be because you probably genuinely are, rejection is tough and some people deal with it in other ways than others, there's also other reasons besides someone not being into you is the reason they reject.

Crusoe90 · Answer

This is coming from a 25 year old virgin who hasn't even obtained a kiss yet, and is by no means holding out for religious reasons. You're not worthless. Just because something hasn't worked out yet, doesn't mean it never will. At the very least you're attractive, although that's a blessing as well as a curse. On one hand, people will feel drawn to you, but they won't all be well intentioned. You will have choices though. Just make sure to remember that you have value besides your appearance, and that you deserve someone that will respect you for it.

Others aren't as lucky, and have to accept what comes. For example, a few weeks ago I placed a photo of myself on here asking to be ranked on my appearance from 1-10. The average I got was a 5, going as low as a 3. I don't have many options, but if I allow that to bother me too much, I'll have absolutely none. Even with those poor odds, very little of the attention I receive from women is genuine; most often it's just the result of some insecure chick reassuring herself that she's desirable.

So appreciate the circumstances you have, try to smile through the pain, and look to find someone that deserves you, especially if you don't feel you deserve them. Best of luck in finding someone special.

Bshshs · Answer

I think I know why based on some of the stuff you've said to others. It's not a nice answer but I'm being real. It's true that when you look different to what people think your like they latch onto what they thought you were like subconsciously. I have a male Freind now who at the start I thought was standoffish and kinda arrogant. I know him well now and guess what he's not like that at all. But then there are moments that happen that make me think he is actually like that.
What I'm trying to say to u is people might date you because your pretty and likable. But (based on what you said) you are used for sex meaning you probably give off a vibe that says I'm 'fun', however you may really be giving off the vibe that your sexual. When he gets to know u he learns that your not like that. The catch is that anything that confirms his subconscious belief pushes you away from him. The 'Sex' vibe is usually always associated with a girl who's 'Fun' and therefore he may assume you not long term material.
You never truly get rid of the assumption you first make of someone therefore I advise you to not give off the 'Promiscuous girl' vibe but the 'Relationship' feel. I'm not encouraging you to make drastic changes like changing you hair colour to brunette haha but maybe be less upfront and eager at the start.
It's not really a case people intentionally trying to hurt you its more the mind already has a plan for us that we haven't thought about on a conscious level.

RobAtomic · Answer

yep, been rejected... you know what I did... rejected that ! That isn't what matters most, what matters most is how you feel about yourself. It is actually a fact that we will eventually become what we expect ourselves to be. I read it on the internet it must be true. Also, I read that when we change our internal dialogue, you know what that voice in our head keeps telling us, we can change reality... yep, it's true, this I have actually tested... it's worth a try, tell your self that you are good and awesome and unique what ever words are most comfortable for you just make them positive, I'm hot... smart... do this for a month and watch what happens... it's not easy but you can do it... ;-)

TheBootyChest · Answer

I don't think you are defective, hideous, or unloveable.

* I think you are a capable person to do the things that you need to do.
* You are very attractive to people out there. I know that it may seem like lots of people aren't attractive but there are people who will find you attractive.
* And not everyone is supposed to love you to the point of marriage.

I know that you feel this way and I won't minimize it, but if I said these things about myself you would say all the right things to pull me out of my funk. Maybe it's my turn now. :)

talloak · Answer

What do you mean by trying to be the best version of yourself? Putting yourself in the best light? Toning down certain elements of your personality that might be off-putting to many? Often, people have a strong personality trait (like outspokenness) that most people don't know how to handle.

Comparing yourself to others is not being fair to yourself. Relationships come easily for some people. Others simply have lower standards. People with unique personalities have a much harder time finding compatible friends or lovers. Such people are rarer and harder to find,. I suspect that's the situation for you.

You mention trying to mean something to someone else. How about trying to mean more to yourself? The more that the strengths of your personality (and the quirks too) shine, the more likely a compatible person will notice you.

glovonorb · Answer

Keep swinging! The world is a cruel place. Think about how saying "nobody wants me" is somewhat short-sighted. There are many good people that would love to be with you - you just have to do the difficult and persistent work of finding them. I hope you don't give up.

0112358 · Answer

For once in my life let me get what i want Lord knows it would be the first time... unless your profile pic is hiding huge fat rolls, it's not your appearance.

Hans222 · Answer

Maybe take a little break and try to vent some emotion... go have a nice walk in nature from time to time and do relaxing things like reading a book :D
And than... try to get smiling again, that will make the guys feel like wanting to be around you. If you're bitter only your closest friends will continue to support you. A guy with a crush will probably run away :-(

Sovereignty · Answer

You're already the best version but you're just stuck pretending otherwise...

And so you go on pretending and trying. You falsify your person and what you receive in return turns out to be equally false- a porcelain plate easily dropped and broken.

AceOtana1 · Answer

More guys are opting out of dating, I'm one of them. But I still can't see why guys would reject you. You look pretty good.

I've only been rejected the once, but I've only ever asked a girl out the once. Never did again. Been single my whole life out of personal choice.

Exmorted · Answer

Don't try to be the "best version of you", because the best version of you is really just a distorted, pretend-you.

Just be you.

Men who get rejected just needs to suck it up, generally. there's not really anything else to do.

broadsword · Answer

Iam genuinely shocked. You look so pretty beautiful eyes.
Why do you think this is? Surely your getting first dates? Or is it you can't hold on to guys. Love to chat more to see why it is your struggling.

Noxifer626 · Answer

Duh, it's not your looks, that's for sure. I don't really have any advice, but you should know you're not alone, that I'm like you.

fueledbythc · Answer

Just focus on life. Maybe you're trying too hard for a relationship. I just got a feeling you're very clingy. You just need to find a guy who really wants a relationship over sex. you're a rare breed these days.

cth96190 · Answer

Please explain what you say is rejection. Given that the social norm for females of your age is to wait for the male to make the first move, I do not understand what you are experiencing.

front2back · Answer

Well that all depends. How much dignity do you have? I'm sure you could find a boyfriend quickly if you have little. If not then you honestly might be asking the wrong guys out.

BuchitaBuchys · Answer

If that's you in your pp, you're not hideous. You wouldn't last a day as an actual ugly person.

OrdinaryGentleman · Answer

Yeah thats because you are trying to control the outcome too much, try simply enjoying yourself, the more real you are as a person the quicker you will be accepted

apple24 · Answer

Just do things that put a smile on your face or that you like. Be happy wirh yourself and forget the rest!

Walls_and_Doors · Answer

Well, no, I have never gone through this much hurt because I don't suck that much, but if I were that useless I would probably just cry about it for a while until it ended.

Constant rejection?

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