I'm a single mum of 2 and met a guy on a dating site. He seemed really lovely and lived about an hour away from me and would travel to see me. We dated for about 2-3 months then I got a weird vibe and one day I just decided to stop talking to him and told him I didn't want to see him anymore.
Yesterday I was curious to see how he was doing and I looked him up on Facebook... He's married! And not just married but has 3 kids! I messaged his wife's friend who gave me her number and told me that I should tell her. They haven't separated ever and she wouldn't have a clue. Is it worth telling his wife? Would you want to know?
- Yes, tell her.73% (37)58% (29)65% (66)Vote
- No, just walk away.27% (14)42% (21)35% (35)Vote
Most Helpful Guy
I would say don't. You don't know the situation. They might have an open marriage. She might be somewhat asexual and told him to sleep with other girls as long as she doesn't find out about it. It's impossible to say. In any event, their kids almost certainly depend on the quality of their marriage. Even if he legitimately cheated, that indicates that he was unhappy with the marriage, and I'd imagine cheating has a way of placating some of that unhappiness.
I suspect unhappiness in a marriage is kind-of cyclical. One doesn't like something and gets angry. The other doesn't like that they are angry all the time and gets angry. The first responds to that anger with more of their own. And so on to a lifetime of resentment. It might sound kind of absurd, but if two people are somewhat forced to be together, but one finds a way to not be so angry all the time (cheating), that makes life easier for both parties involved. And if the reason they are forced to be together is because they have kids that depend on both of them, that intensifies the critical nature of the parents' collective mood, because if they are always shouting at/ignoring one another, the kids will be psychologically damaged.
Cheating is sort-of an 'easy' solution to a very difficult problem (I say 'easy' in theory, not in practice - I'd imagine actually finding a mistress is probably the most difficult thing in the world). Because it's so easy, it's often regarded as 'shady,' or implies that the simplicity of the solution should indicate a simplicity of the problem. But that's just not the case. If there it were a simple problem, they'd fix it, or if it can't be fixed, a divorce would be simple.
It's kind of like when you see a motorcycle in a traffic jam cut through the middle of traffic to the front. Asinine, yes, but it's also true that, just a little, it reduces the amount of traffic in the jam. The question is whether this reduction in traffic is enough to bring about clearing up the whole road. I think cheating can accomplish that, but it's also possible he's just a 'player.' In which case, you needn't worry about it. He'll get found out by other means.0
Most Helpful Girl
No. There's no reason whatsoever to tell her.2