He's married! Do I tell his wife?

I'm a single mum of 2 and met a guy on a dating site. He seemed really lovely and lived about an hour away from me and would travel to see me. We dated for about 2-3 months then I got a weird vibe and one day I just decided to stop talking to him and told him I didn't want to see him anymore.
Yesterday I was curious to see how he was doing and I looked him up on Facebook... He's married! And not just married but has 3 kids! I messaged his wife's friend who gave me her number and told me that I should tell her. They haven't separated ever and she wouldn't have a clue. Is it worth telling his wife? Would you want to know?

  • Yes, tell her.
    73% (37)58% (29)65% (66)Vote
  • No, just walk away.
    27% (14)42% (21)35% (35)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I would say don't. You don't know the situation. They might have an open marriage. She might be somewhat asexual and told him to sleep with other girls as long as she doesn't find out about it. It's impossible to say. In any event, their kids almost certainly depend on the quality of their marriage. Even if he legitimately cheated, that indicates that he was unhappy with the marriage, and I'd imagine cheating has a way of placating some of that unhappiness.

    I suspect unhappiness in a marriage is kind-of cyclical. One doesn't like something and gets angry. The other doesn't like that they are angry all the time and gets angry. The first responds to that anger with more of their own. And so on to a lifetime of resentment. It might sound kind of absurd, but if two people are somewhat forced to be together, but one finds a way to not be so angry all the time (cheating), that makes life easier for both parties involved. And if the reason they are forced to be together is because they have kids that depend on both of them, that intensifies the critical nature of the parents' collective mood, because if they are always shouting at/ignoring one another, the kids will be psychologically damaged.

    Cheating is sort-of an 'easy' solution to a very difficult problem (I say 'easy' in theory, not in practice - I'd imagine actually finding a mistress is probably the most difficult thing in the world). Because it's so easy, it's often regarded as 'shady,' or implies that the simplicity of the solution should indicate a simplicity of the problem. But that's just not the case. If there it were a simple problem, they'd fix it, or if it can't be fixed, a divorce would be simple.

    It's kind of like when you see a motorcycle in a traffic jam cut through the middle of traffic to the front. Asinine, yes, but it's also true that, just a little, it reduces the amount of traffic in the jam. The question is whether this reduction in traffic is enough to bring about clearing up the whole road. I think cheating can accomplish that, but it's also possible he's just a 'player.' In which case, you needn't worry about it. He'll get found out by other means.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No. There's no reason whatsoever to tell her.

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What Guys Said 14

  • She ABSOLUTELY deserves to know. No poor soul should live another day with a cheater.

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  • At this point you have no option anymore. If you don't do it, her friend most likely will. So go and tell her.

    Generally speaking its a fine line, but you already clearly took a side and are just unsure if you really should pull through.

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  • I'm not sure it's your place to say anything? What about telling the wife's friend you messaged and have her tell her? It might be received better? Put yourself in the wife's place, who would you want to hear it from?

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  • no, it's none of your business. stay out of it.

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  • I said yes, what the bastard is doing is wrong and the fact is that its better in the long term if the woman finds out as soon as possible

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  • He could've had a weak moment in the relationship or they went through hard times. What if their relationship is better now and then this destroys it. Think about the kids how will they be affected.

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  • That guy is a jerk for flirting around while having a wife and kids. He deserves to be shamed.

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  • Stay far away from that drama. You told her friend and that should be enough.

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  • Yes tell her that! he is a complete cheating @sshole!!

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  • I personally wouldn't care but you should tell her because dramatics.

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  • I'm not mean but if she's not knowing anything don't tell now. It's not the right time.

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    • I know it would be awful but I just can't shake the feeling :( wouldn't you want to know if your spouse was cheating on you?

    • If she's cheating and I know I'll kick her out and call off relationship. But what's the point? If she's keeping me happy and she's just fulfilling her wish of being good to someone and not having any physical or sexual or emotional attachments to others?

  • Don't break a home leave him, you can find better one

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  • No just walk away don't be a house wreker

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  • no just ignore him and advice him

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What Girls Said 13

  • Honestly the friend is going to tell her eventually so she's going to find out.

    What do YOU think the right thing to do is? Can you live with carrying that secret and responsibility every single day?

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  • I'm a single mom. My ex walked out on me for another woman and I went through shock on top of all the grief. TELL HER. Preferably with pics of his profile for proof

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  • Yes!

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  • HELL F***ING YES.

    If I was his wife, I'd want you to tell me.

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  • Nah, it sounds like you decided to break things off anyway, no sense in adding any more fuel to the fire. Her friends will tell her anyway, he'll get what he deserves soon enough.

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  • Don't be a home wrecker, talk to him about it. It's not her fault so why hurt her feelings. You could always threaten him that if you ever see him in any dating sites you'll tell his wife or something

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  • She needs to know what this scammer did to her

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  • question is why didn't you look him up when first stared dating smh

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    • Because he blocked me on all social media accounts. I searched him on my old Facebook profile. I thought it was weird that his business had a Facebook page and there were comments missing so then I worked out he had blocked me.

  • Tell her. I would want to know if it was me.

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  • I'm curious as to why people think that you should walk away.

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  • Hell yes.

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  • No, you shouldn't and plus she wouldn't trust you anyway

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  • Tell her. She deserves to know that her husband is cheating bastard

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