Was I right for feeling disrepected and emasculated?

My girlfriend of a few years used to have a black boyfriend when she was in her mid teens. When her friend brought up the black guy size stereotype I told her that it was a myth according to scientific studies. She paused, smiled extra big at me and said "not in my experience" just to get to me. We were in our 20's and the kid wouldn't even have been full grown at his age!

Since then i've called her out on disrespectful actions. But today on tv she watched a race show and a celeb was saying how it's not a myth, they are more masculine too, sexier, etc... and my girlfriend watched it as I sat there and slept. But I heard it. So I sent her home bc the show was pure stupidity and I am judging her for watching it.

She has also played a song from an old movie that says how hot black guys are in front of me. It is bizarre to say the least

1. I feel like she believes these myths. How the heck do I be at ease as a white guy when I feel undermined and emasculated?

2. Did I do the right thing by sending her away?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Try this. "(Insert girlfriends name) and (insert friend name) keep bringing up the concept of how amazing black guys are, watching and listening to media about how much bigger and Sexier they are, too. When this keeps being brought up, I feel immasculated and like I'm not as good of a man as your ex was. I feel like you wish you were still with him. I really wish the two of you would stop and that you could reassure me that I'm enough of a man for you. "

    Play with the words to suit you. The important parts:
    1. Objectively describe what's happening without blaming her.
    2. Say how it makes you feel.
    3. Tell her what you want to happen to fix it.

    If she doesn't make a response that you approve of, leave her.

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    • That is too wimpy.

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    • @AdamThomas I doubt she is doing it on purpose. It's ok to be a little vulnerable with your girlfriend. I didn't tell him to talk to her in front of a crowd or anything.

    • It sounds like she is. It's okay to be vulnerable in certain situations, this isn't one of them.

Most Helpful Guy

  • well, first of all she's with you so that's nothing you should be worried about.
    on the other hand she obviously doesn't care about how you feel about her actions/opinion/etc. she's disrespectful because of that. confront or ditch her. simple as that.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Talk about being oversensitive.

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    • Howso? Say you were a white chick or black. Your current boyfriend had been with a Spanish girl before you. He puts on a show that starts talking about how passionate and great in bed and big bootied Spanish women are with you sitting right there. He also has played a lighthearted song about hot Spanish girls. You would feel ok with this?

    • If those are the only two instances I honestly wouldn't give a shit. If it was something that happened repeatedly and it felt like it's something he isn't able to shut up about for even one week, then I'd tell him to stop. In general I think it's kind of rude to talk about your past sexual experiences (especially in great detail) with a current partner. But seriously, it's only something I'd have a problem with if it kept happening over and over (i. e. more than just 2 or 3 times). The song thing isn't even a big deal, I doubt I would even notice that at all. I still think you're being oversensitive and insecure.

What Guys Said 6

  • If you act like it bothers you it shows your insecurity, and by the sound of it she's using it to wind you up and laugh at your reaction. I get why it might make you feel emasculated, but I think your response was weak even though you think you're being strong by calling her on it and sending her away, all that signals is that you care a lot about it. If you're confident in your sexual ability and your manhood you won't see other guys as a threat. If my girlfriend kept making a point of doing it though trying to piss me off I'd just tell her to go and find herself a black man and leave.

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    • I didn't tell her the reasoning for sending her home.

  • I've seen black guys before. So calling them super sexy and masculine is fucking laughable, honestly.

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  • I mean really what the problem is, and no offense, but you seem intimidated/insecure about it, hombre. Who cares? She's with you now.

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    • You can honestly tell me you'd be cool with your girl watching a show that several times mentions another race of guys being more masculine, bigger cocks, etc. that you? And she has dated one of them before

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    • I kicked her out but didn't explain why. I can't think of a way to tell her without sounding insecure. The thing is, I'm not at all concerned that she will leave me! It's just that I know the information is fucking false! And why would I let her think that

    • This is a dominance thing. A celeb that she likes is talking false and she might be impacted by that.

  • I'd leave her if I were you.

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  • Yes. Yes.

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  • i think she is immature and pathetic.

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