When you cheat, can you claim you love your bf/gf?

My best friend got in a relationship with a guy, it has been 1 or 2 weeks and she just told me that she cheated on him last night (kiss, hug almost sex) and that she feel bad. Still she say that she loves him.. to be it seems pretty inaccurate. But as I never cheated nor intend to I don't really understand it. A cheater really loves the person or what? If yes then why cheat? This is so mysterious to me, im trying to understand her but I can't...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • No they don't other wise they would not have cheated. Loving some one means that you put them before yourself which cheaters do not do. They may still like the person but they do not (and most likely never did) love the person because they where never able to place them at a greater level of importanace then themselves (or to be more accurate then the physical pleasure of sex (frankly ranking lower then a fleeting sensation is pretty insulting in my opinion)). So no they do not love the person claiming they do only shows they have no idea what love actually is.

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What Guys Said 30

  • "Love" is the most misused word in our language. Love is not just a word that you say when it is convenient. Love is the way that you respect and appreciate a partner. Love is the little things that you do when no one is watching, when you won't be noticed or "get credit" for your efforts. Love is the way that you trust a partner and the way that you conduct yourself to deserve their trust.

    She can say that she "loves" him. I can say that I am actually Brad Pitt. You can say that you have never told a lie. False words are easily uttered by people who lack integrity.

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  • 1. Monogamy is something humans weren't meant for by nature
    2. We through eons have been raised and nurtured to believe monogamy is the thing
    3. There are many civilizations that have lived community together and believe me there was less misery and crimes
    4. However, being possessive and thus expecting monogamy from the partner is human nature most times too
    5. Loving someone has nothing to do with the natural urge of a human being immaterial of the gender
    6. Again situation in which a person is in at that point in time matters as well
    7. 'I can't forgive him/her cause he/she felt for someone else' or 'I can't forgive him/her cause he/she petted or had sex with someone else' certainly isn't about love :)
    8. Cheating etc is all up there in the head. Such a situation would never affect me negatively nor will it make me distrust my partner on any count :)

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    • Gonna call you out on your first assertion there.

      It's false.

      The reason it is false is that it makes an assumption about humans in comparison to other animals in nature. The assumption you are making is false... more on that later.

      In nature different animals exhibit different mating behaviors.

      Some examples:

      Each December, Elephant seals gather at points along the California coast to begin the mating season. The males beat the hell out of each other to see who among them gets to form a harem and mate. The pups that are born are raised by the mother and her female relatives. The father has no further involvement.

      This is called short term mating behavior.

      news.ucsc.edu/.../males-fighting-400.jpg?t=0

      [continued]

    • Show All
    • I don't believe there's an objective human nature. Some people can be monogamous and some people can't.
      Making promises to someone and then cheating on them certainly isn't about love either.

    • @gray_sailor thank you for the extensive enlightenment on behaviors of various species - I truly mean that :) <3 However, I was referring to my take on human behavior :) End of the day point 8 is what I am and matters to me :)

      @hellionthesage thank you again but my opinion stands and I don't mean to debate :) everyone has a right to their opinion based on their experience, realization and perception :)

      @kisnome agreed young lady on the last part :) However, to err is human and I always bear that in mind and don't hold exceptions or pathological behavior against anyone ever :)

      I merely intended answering the question, it's the whole opinion put together not just one point or each point separately. If we need to discuss, anyone is free to message me - I like open minded discussions than debating it at expense of the asker :)

  • No, they're just telling themselves they love their partner in order to feel less guilty.

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  • She may say she loves him, but if it were true, she would love him all the time. When she was hugging/kissing/whetever with this other guy, she clearly had no thoughts at all for her guy.

    Her guy deserves better and should dump her without hesitation, and without explanation. The reason should be pretty obvious.

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  • people in love do stupid shit, so possibly yeah.

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  • nah... love is an action. inverse actions say you don't love em (at that moment)

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  • You can claim whatever you like, doesn't mean the one being cheated on (whenever they find out) is going to believe you.

    But then, if the cheater cared about the other's feelings, they wouldn't have cheated to begin with.

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  • You cannot cheat, or almost cheat and still claim to love a person. It just doesn't work that way. Leave the person you are with and spare them the heartbreak, and go be with whomever you want to be with whenever you want to be with them. When you grow up then find someone you can commit to.

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  • Science of sex documentaries on science/discovery/health channel proved this.
    They took the brain scans to prove it's true. You can def love someone and cheat on them.
    Which is why being in love is useless. It requires no honesty, respect, or loyalty

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  • I think people cheat when they feel like their relationship is over. So I don't know what she is talking about in terms of loving him. Maybe she would want things to work, but they don't work and she is looking elsewhere half-heartedly

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  • It's almost impossible to love someone 1-2 weeks into a relationship. Your slutty friend needs to change he ways before her rep gets around even more than it already is.

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  • well its difficult.

    you can cheat while in being in love with someone else if you TRIED.

    for me, i wouldn't cheat even if i wasn't in love... so to me, its very easy not to cheat while being inlove

    by definition, if you love someone, youd not cheat.

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  • Hell no! She's just trying to get away with it and trying to see if you can be on her side.

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  • No, I don't think so.

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  • They cheat, because they feel unsatisfied or inferior and try to regain, their
    self esteem back and they want to feel like wanted persons.
    Just with the time people thing, oh no this will be my last boy/girl in my life, I need to do something in order to be better, to have better appereance body and try have sex as much as I can since we live only one time within our entire life.

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  • That early in a relationship it's not love.

    But to answer the broad question, yes it's possible to cheat on someone you love. But in your friends case it's not love.

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  • It's the 'love you, but not in love with you' thing.

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  • Some people do that. I know someone who cheated on his wife many times and would do it again at any given chance and still says he loves his wife. But the guy is unstable.

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  • Some people are built like that, they can love one person and sex another because the body and heart are separate.
    That, or she was drunk!!!

    Alcohol, man.

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  • There is a gene which makes you twice as likely to cheat, but make sure she knkws how her boyfriend feels.

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  • No you can't claim that. Maybe the relationship wasn't strong to start with

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  • Just because you love someone it doesn't mean you are sexually or emotionally satisfied by them.

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  • I can claim to be a lion if I want to. That doesn't make it true.

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  • Nope. If she loved him, she wouldn't cheat. If she had a strong moral code, she wouldn't cheat.

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  • Sure.

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  • You can claim to be Napoleon if you want to, but the fact is when you cheat you are a slut and you are most definitely not in love with anybody

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  • nothing wrong in cheating.

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  • A cheater will always cheat there is no love if you cheat

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  • Well it's more like trying to establish a relationship with someone else, that way when and if something happens it's not so bad

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What Girls Said 26

  • A guy I know for past year has been trying to Get me to cheat with him Since the minute He started dating hEr until he got her pregnant and through pregnancy after she had her baby... I've told him no I've blocked him everywhere!
    I think he cheats on her with others no doubt about it...

    The reason I said no to him because I love him.. I'll always love him.. I used to see him when he was single but he changed that was that...

    Love doesn't cheat... his sad excuse to get me involved in drama is he's bored or he's looking for excitment but he says he loves her... I think he's a liar... I love him but not prepared to cheat with him to hurt someone... do you see the difference? loving someone doesn't hurt others.. doesn't tell lies nor cheat...

    it's hard for me to see him going with other people... it's hard to see him make families with someone else that isn't me... but love accepts from a distance... if your friend is prepared to cheat on this guy early on she does not love him... she's bringing drama to the table... my advice stay away from it... if you care and love your friend let her fuck her life up... she won't take your advice sh will keep doin it for the thrill- that's not love

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  • I don't buy this 1-2 weeks and she already loves him, yet has already cheated on him?

    If she loved him, she would have had the foresight to realize that hugging, kissing and getting close to another guy was not the right thing to do. Cheating is never okay. And she has made her bed, so now she must lie in it.

    It doesn't take much effort to not sleep with someone or kiss them or other things. If it was a priority to keep the relationship going, she wouldn't do something that would put it in jeopardy. I get we all make mistakes, but she seems fairly impulsive.

    To say she loves someone after 1-2 weeks, but then also cheats on them? Doesn't really sound like she is thinking ahead, but just in the moment.

    She could just be claiming to love him so that he will take her back. Or so that people will feel bad for her. But I wouldn't feel bad. It's a choice that she made.

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  • I truly believe that if you really like someone (I say like, cause you don't love someone after 2 weeks of dating), and you have a real connection with them, you won't cheat. I mean, take it from me. I wouldn't dare to cheat on my boyfriend for many reasons but the main one is that I care about him and I don't want anyone else as we have a special connection. When you feel that way about someone, you don't feel tempted to be with others as they don't even cross your mind. I never think about other guys or being with other guys romantically or sexually as I'm already 100% fulfilled by my relationship. If someone claims to have feelings for another yet has a need to be with another guy/girl then I'd be very doubtful about their true feelings.

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  • It's all about the temptation. Getting physical with someone else really has little to nothing to do with love but with temptation you feel in the heat of the moment. There are different kinds of cheatings, though. I think that if it happened spontaneously and one time only with someone you just met (and they were flirting with you) it's safe to say it was purely physical and you can still very much love your partner and feel bad about what you did. But it does mean that you don't really respect them or yourself in that matter and that you're unreliable as a committed partner. But if you KEEP on cheating or plan to do it, then nope, you don't love them.

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  • Well at one or two weeks I would think she isn't really in love and just doesn't want to lose the opportunity she has with him.

    However, you can't ever love someone to the exclusion of everyone else. It is possible to love many people romantically.

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  • I don't believe your friend simply because it has been 1 or 2 weeks, and honestly, if the guy does not know, I honest;y suggest you tell him. She does not sound like she likes him, because that's brutal so early in a relationship.
    That being said, someone can cheat and still love a person. There are many ways this happens. The first of which is the drunken mistake, which pretty much happens when one drinks a lot and their judgement gets severely impaired and they make a mistake. I don't blame people for breaking up with the cheaters in this scenario because it hurts I'm sure, but honestly a lot of those are really just caused my poor judgement under intoxication and would never be done when sober. Other scenarios include where things seem to be breaking down or one is not being sexually satisfied they make the mistake of looking at someone else to get away from those problems, which isn't a smart decision, but they don't necessarily not love their significant other they're just not really thinking about what this does to their significant other.
    There's more, and I can go on, but I see no real reason I should. I'm also not justifying cheating at all, I'm just saying in some scenarios it is possible the cheater really does/did love their significant other.

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  • Nope!

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  • Wow 1 or 2 weeks.. and already cheated. How can you really love someone in that time span even? Anyway yes you can love them but love yourself and your needs more.

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  • lol

    Joke of the century

    Not so funny for the party that is being cheated on, of course...

    She should rethink her priorities

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  • I'm a monogamous type of person, so I don't see how someone could cheat and still be in love with there partner.

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  • When you sin, can you still claim you love God? Both are rhetorical questions. Of course you can. Loving salsa doesn't have to mean I will never eat guacamole again.

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  • No, you can't love someone if you cheat on them. Cheating is a choice, not a mistake and there is no excuses and nothing is really acceptable with it and to me it would be like impossible to forgive and forget, and that would make me want them completely gone. As someone who believes in love, if she really loved him then cheating wouldn't even cross her mind or be any part of her and when you really actually love someone, you don't wanna do anything with anyone except that person you love and no part of you wants to be with anyone else. She's got it all wrong and fucked up, and she can say "I'm sorry" or "I love you" or whatever as much as she wants but it's just gonna have ZERO meaning to it. It's nothing. No meaning, no value, nothing

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  • No, I mean she might like him, but if she truly cared about him then she would have said no to the other guy.

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  • Anyone who does that doesn't understand the concept of love.

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  • I also have a friend like that, of course that's not love and it will never be. She used to tell me the thing she had on the side was 'completely separate from her relationship'. LOL. How can it be separate when she hides it from her partner and she's practically doing this WHILE in a relationship. Oh well. Poeple just like romanticizing their unethical tendencies to make them seem deeper, more interesting than they really are. But that's all it is.

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  • You can't claim to love someone if you cheat! If you loved them you wouldn't cheat!

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  • Nope, I don't think a person would willingly do that to someone they loved. She put her own desire above his well being.

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  • When you are whole heartedly in love with someone you won't cheat. I know this from experience. Too bad the man I fell in love with didn't feel the same way.

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  • Yeah its possible
    A man will cheat and never leave his wife

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  • I don't think you'll cheat on a person you love when the relationship is going fine

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  • She should have never done that in the first place

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  • its been a week or two and she loves him? and cheated on him? dobut it...

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  • Yes, but does that mean that the cheater loves him or her ENOUGH? That is the question

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  • I know couples who are madly in love who can still have open relationships. I know I can kiss people, even have sex, without being in love with them and I know I can do so while crushing on someone else. I've never cheated though so not sure.

    I believe cheaters can love their partner. Although that doesn't make the cheating any less bad. The love means their partner is the most awesome person they ever met, the cheating is for the rush and the excitement. It's still terribly wrong to cheat, but it doesn't have to be caused by a lack of love.

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  • cheating is never a mistake but a decision made by you, now what is the point cheating on your partner when you love him. it's either may be at that point she doubts her love for her guy or she just isn't in love with him as she claims.

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  • I would say no, because if you loved him or her cheating would not have even occurred. You would respect him or her and the relationship much more, if you loved them. But I think if it does happen, then you aren't really in love with your bf/gf. You may have love for them, but you may not be in love with him or her.

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