Telling guy friend I like him when there may be a girl in the picture?

Telling guy friend I like him when there may be a girl in the picture?

I've been trying to get up the courage to tell my guy friend of 9 years that I have feelings for him. We've been living in different states for 7 years but I recently ended up in his city for work. We do dinner+movies, yoga, go to the gym, spa days, go sightseeing, and make all these plans for the future. Over the years we've hooked up a few times when visiting (no sex, but close), but never talked about it so I couldn't tell how he felt.

Now, thought, I'm feeling absolutely heartbroken to learn that this girl suddenly showed up in his life. She's just out of college girl with no job who is traveling the world on her parents' dime and living in Asia, and she wins him over by throwing herself at him and she can live out this fantasy life with him. Since they met in Asia a couple months ago they've traveled to the Bahamas together on his family vacay and are now in Europe (meanwhile I'm working at a great job in NYC but struggling to afford one major international vacation per year and even so have fewer vacation days in a year than they've each taken in these first three months of 2016). They are living in this perfect world, meeting up in exotic locations where they can escape the responsibilities of adult life (well, he can, since she is on a permanent vacation). I feel like I am just boring and never would have been good enough, and I don't know how to talk about this with him when he returns. Keep in mind he has never mentioned her to me and doesn't post about her online save for one photo of them smoking cigarettes in Paris (he doesn't smoke...). I saw a photo his sister posted from the family vacation and realized she was there and did some internet sleuthing where I see her posting about their every travel move and showing off. He did tell me recently he is done traveling for quite some time after he gets back from a guys' trip later this month, but I don't know if she plans to move he


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What Guys Said 1

  • Tell him you like him and u would like to hangout with him...
    it doesn't matter if there is another girl in the picture or not..
    just fuckin ask him out.. u have nothing to lose... but dont go along with being just his friend...
    if he says he sees u only as a friend.. then i would say u just move on..
    coz if u accept being friends with him then he will keep u as backup and check out his other possibilities.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I'm going to answer this as if you were 25. I can't believe this story if you are only 15. This is a tough one. I can't tell you what to do only what I would do so please obody dump on me. Part of this is your doing – you didn't make a move earlier. It is obvious you really like this guy and have for many years. Okay with that said, as soon as you can get a hold of them and ask about his travels. You will get a feel for his association with the other woman. Hear him out. If it sounds like he's in love now let's start differently. If he sounds like he's not really in love with our just had a fabulous time you need to say, "I'm proud of you for not falling in love just for the moment, the time, the place. We've been seeing each other off and on for nine years and I know I love you." That's right you got to admit it! Time is running out – stop playing defensive football. You need to score a touchdown and rather quickly. And then you take him back to bed." That's what I would do. Okay. Now let's say you get the vibes that he's in love with this girl. Here's what I'd say, "oh wow while I'm happy for you I must say I am not happy for me as I really have developed feelings for you. I think you're a great guy. How serious are you with this new girl?" And you have to go from there and take it right on the chin if you must. But you have got to begin immediately. After nine years I'd sleep with this guy that is if you're not 15

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    • Thanks so much, and yes I'm 27 not 15 I don't know why it says that haha. A good talk is in order, it's waiting till he returns this weekend that is hard. I'm sitting at work knowing they are on vacation together, ugh.

    • BFD. Have you ever slept with somebody who had slept with somebody else or do you only sleep with virgins ! lol I'll add one more thing you live in New York City I grew up there. There are guys all over the place. Too many fish in the sea. If this doesn't work out it's not the end of the world. Go to Thursdays or Fridays on second Avenue. See what's available swimming. They may be closed by now but you know what I'm talking about

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