Guy friend traveling to meet up with girl, but I want to tell him how I feel?

I've been trying to get up the courage to tell my guy friend of 9 years that I have feelings for him. We've been living in different states for 7 years but I recently ended up in his city for work. We do dinner+movies, yoga, go to the gym, spa days, go sightseeing, and make all these plans for the future. Over the years we've hooked up a few times when visiting (no sex, but close), but never talked about it.

Now, though, I'm feeling absolutely heartbroken to learn that this girl suddenly showed up in his life. She's just out of college girl with no job who is traveling the world on her parents' dime and living in Asia, and she is living out this fantasy life with him. Since they met in Asia a couple months ago they've traveled to the Bahamas together on his family vacay and are now in Europe (already taking more vacay days than I get in a year). They are living in this perfect world, meeting up in exotic locations where they can escape the responsibilities of adult life (well, he can, since she is on a permanent vacation). I feel like I am just boring and never would have been good enough, and I don't know how to talk about this with him when he returns. Keep in mind he has never mentioned her to me and doesn't post about her online save for one photo of them smoking cigarettes in Paris (he doesn't smoke...). I saw a photo his sister posted from the family vacation and realized she was there and did some internet sleuthing where I see her posting about their every travel move and showing off. He did tell me recently he is done traveling for quite some time after he gets back from a guys' trip later this month, but I don't know if she plans to move here or what.

I'm totally lost at how to deal with this. I don't want to lose him in my life, and I feel like this girl came out of nowhere and it's uncharacteristic of him to have a relationship like this. Where did I go wrong? Help?


What Guys Said 2

  • Just tell him.. and ask him out..
    it doesn't matter if there is another girl in the picture or not...
    but dont agree to being friends if he asks u to be his friend..
    because then he will keep u as his backup plan...
    if he says anything except yes when u ask him out like.."no, or lets just be friends etc"
    just walk away and never look back.. and tell him i like u and if u change ur mind let me know.

  • He probably just didn't realize you were interested in him or just doesn't have those kinds of feelings towards you. I would suggest just to keep it as friends as long as he is in the relationship and only let him know how you feel once it is over. If you try and interfere it just makes you look trashy.


What Girls Said 1

  • That is simple. You not saying anything for 9 years! You should have said something within the first 2 years you met. If he never told you about her, then she may not be that special to him and could be just an acquaintance he is very fond with. All you can do is suck it up and talk to him. Stop beating around the bush and say something. If your interested and is serious about it, then it wouldn't be that hard. But if your not confident and not willing to take a step, then he will not take you seriously and will not be interested in you. Just be prepared to answer the question as to why you never told him that you were interested in for 9 years. Or however long you realized that you did. You also need to evaluate your reasons for them. Feelings are what they are: Feelings. Feelings is meaningless if there is no purpose to it.