It's been 3 weeks now since my boyfriend and I have spoken after an argument we had. I don't know I should work things out b/c he seems to not care?

3 weeks ago, I went to go see my boyfriend and it ended with me going home early, by choice. We're both in our late 20's and we've been dating for over 4 years. So I went to go see him after I got off work. We usually talk on the phone every night; however, I didn't call him the night before nor did he call me. I wasn't mad about that and I didn't call him because I didn't feel like talking on the phone. We talked throughout the day that day, just not at night when he got off of work. I was focusing on writing a paper for school and wanted my me time after that before i went to sleep. So the following day, that Thursday, he called me while I was at work and asks what time i'm coming to see him and why i didn't call him the night before. I told him that I just didn't feel like talking on the phone then I asked why he didn't call, and he said that same thing. He was mad at my response to his question and hung up on me. I called him back to tell him not to hang up on me. I still went to go see him after work and kissed him, but he ignored me until it was time for him to pick up his mom (about 30 mins later). I had to ask him where he was going and that's when he told me that he's going to pick her up. So i asked him if he's going to run errands with her after and he said yes then left.
I'm always waiting for him while he's taking his mom around to run errands cause she doesn't drive. I feel like he doesn't make me a priority sometimes. After he walked out, i texted him that "i was leaving since he ignored me while i was there and was going to leave without notice or anything, and that i'm tired of waiting for him while he runs errands. And to make me a priority sometimes". His response was just "okay". I haven't heard from him since-- it's been over 3 weeks. He seems so unbothered by us not talking -- he's constantly going out and i just found out that he's messaging other girls. I really wish we could work through this, but i'm wondering if it's even wort


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Perhaps he is simply averse to drama and doesn't want to encourage it.

    How we feel about a relationship is a sum total of our experiences with the other person, weighted by emotional poignancy and slanted towards the more recent experiences. To the extent we associate the other person with feeling good, we generally want to be with the other person. The more a relationship partner is unhappy, and in particular unhappy with the relationship, the less we are less likely to enjoy our time with the person, eventually becoming indifferent to their presence or even averse to it. (That's when the relationship ends!)

    It would appear from what you wrote that your heat-of-the-moment feelings revolve around not feeling important to him, yet your behavior towards him seems inclined to push him away, as opposed to resulting in him WANTING to spend more time with you.

    Many men react adversely to this type of manipulation -- this, "I'm unhappy with you, so be with me."

    What you are experiencing could be the combination of these effects.

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Most Helpful Girl

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What Guys Said 16

  • You can hardly blame him for putting his mum before you... I would put my mother before anyone else in the world. The way I would see it is if your relationship is on the rocks and you're not even living together yet you need to really think about if its worth perusing further as problems in relationships only escalate when you get to that stage.
    Best bet is to find a time to sit down and have a long conversation with him and then decide if its worth it. It must be hard to leave a 4 year relationship but its better than letting it drag on for another 4 years just to break it of later down and have less time to get back out there and find someone who is a right fit.

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  • Well, I wonder if he was already annoyed with the relationship because you both talk on the phone a lot. I wonder if he is getting sick of that and wants more and it just isn't happening. Now he has just given up.

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  • People often use the silent treatment as punishment. In his case it's called stone walling. If you want to work it out, then consider listening to him before saying anything.

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  • Dont mess ur relation... if u wana continue with this guy... just contact her and make a date and have make up sex... its just useless to play games

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  • If u miss him.. i would say call him or talk to him and ask him out.
    Dont spoil ur relation becoz of ur mad ego.

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  • If he can't or doesn't make you a priority , why stay with him?

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  • He's moving on. Men are like kids and you have to keep them engaged otherwise their innate sexual short attention span causes them to seek other females. This is only overridden with real deep true love.

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  • Ho ho... Maybe he doesn't like you anymore :/ or maybe you've been together for so long that the honey phase is gone. Maybe he's just really upset at you. I'd be a little bit distressed if I did that to my girlfriend. I can't think of any reason why I would act like that.

    Question. Has he always placed other things at a higher priority than you, and is this the first time he acted like this?

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  • I don't think he is right for you. If a guy really cared he would have done something to make contact and think things through. Especially after 4 years of dating. It's time to go.

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  • Sounds like this relationship of yours is done, honestly. And if its been 2 weeks since you last communicated with him, then likely he too thinks its done.

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  • Sure why not thats if you want him back but this one time only

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  • either he's too pissed off or he doesn't miss you any much, from what im getting is he's not interested in you anymore, sorry, but you should move on now.

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  • he is working his ego. please never put yourself in a position to compete with a Guy's mother. you could win. but its not right. there shouldn't be such a problem in a 4yr old relationship. talk to him on person without hurting His ego. open up about all problems and ask if he is being passively aggressive about any old encounter.

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  • If you have not heard from him for three weeks, he is your former boyfriend.

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  • Call him.

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  • Call him in a week and ask if you guys are still going to be together or if it's over between you

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What Girls Said 12

  • That's a problem if you haven't spoken for that long. I would be very direct with him - ask him straight-up if he wants to stay together or break up.

    He sounds a bit childish tbh. Sorry you're going through this... I'm going through something similar with my boyfriend and I'm 95% sure I'm gonna end it.

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  • I think it's time to move along. I'd text him that since he couldn't respond to you in two weeks you are assuming it's over. The "punishment" (dumping you /ghosting on you) did not fit the "crime" (leaving because he left you alone to run errands). I'd think it was an excuse to bail on the relationship.

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  • Honestly, I know it isn't as easy as just leaving but this relationship sounds rocky and unfulfilling. If you can go two full weeks without talking and he's unbothered by it... you'll essentially already broken up.

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  • Do you still have feelings?

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  • 3 weeks huh.

    I think he believes that you are being rude and seems to be punishing you for it.

    I would say wait one more week to see what happens but 3 is enough.

    Maybe its time to be the grown up here.

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  • You asked this very same question only yesterday.

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  • Yes i do

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  • Your boyfriend sounds quite immature. I don't think I would be that patient if I was in your position. The fact that he's communicating with other girls would make me call quits.

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  • I wouldn't bother if I were you. He's absolutely indifferent and he's already searching for a replacement. I think you should call quits.

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  • I think you've posted this like 5 times. In the last thread you asked this someone told you he doesn't miss you and to move on. I second this.

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  • It seems to me that you expect him to obey your demands at all times.

    Have you not thought for one selfish moment that perhaps he wants/needs some "Me Time" himself.

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  • I definitely think you guys should talk things two weeks is a long time..

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