So my boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for a year, ut I can't seem to forget the past. It's not that the past was bad but we had a few fights and rough patches but I still keep bringing it up and always ask questions about it.. How do I stop? How do I forget the past and just let it go? I always think of the bad things that lead up to me asking stupid questions and i know im going to push him away...
You can never forget the past. You just have to accept it. You can't continue to analyze every little thing and wonder what you could have changed. You just need to accept everything for what it is and understand that you can't change it! I wish you the best of luck.
Ok, well. Obligatory background questions: 1) What things do you keep bringing up? 2) How does he react when you do this? 3a) Has he ADDRESSED the issues you are raising? 3b) Has he ADDRESSED the WAY YOU FEEL about those things?
I'm guessing that the answer to both parts of #3 is "no", but... you tell me.
I'm also guessing that -- like most boys -- he's been following a policy of "get pissed off/resentful, sulk, and avoid conflict", when YOU would much rather that he'd just put the fucking issues to rest once and for all. Amirite?
The boy probably just doesn't know what he's supposed to do here, because he probably doesn't understand what YOU are actually "asking" him to do when you come at him like this. If this is like most of these situations, then, YOU probably want a combination of 3 things: (1) "shut the fuck up, woman", (2) "I understand what yr throwing at me", (3) "I love you, and we're gna get through this together". And you probably want all 3 of these things at once. Something like that.
In any case, it's gna depend on how big the issues are, and how deep the communication gap is. Lmk what the answers to #1 and #2 are.