Is weight really a big issue to guys?

My whole life I've desperately struggled with feeling worth it to anyone, especially men. Now that I've started "dating" this guy for about 3 months now a lot of my insecurities flare up. For instance, he tried picking me up. I see myself as this blob and didn't want him to just because I didn't want to embarrass myself but he tried anyway and he did but the whole time I felt so ginormous. I'm a size 14 and he's a slimmer athletic guy so I naturally I just feel out of place sometimes.. Even though he always compliments me and shows affection I can't help but think negatively.
Guys: if you're really into a girl, does it matter that much?
Girls: any advice on getting over these insecurities?

Updates:
He also wanted me to come sit on his lap and again I honk I weigh so much so I told him I feel fat... He said it's fine. If a guy says it's fine, is it really fine?
Despite every insecurity that I have, I have to be able to put all of our encounters and conversations together... Like when we talk almost every night before bed, when he said he told his dad about me, when we cuddle and fall asleep after a long day and he doesn't want me to leave. I'm sure he likes me... It's the little voice sometimes that distorts everything.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • if the curves are still there, it is attractive and find it more attractive than skinny. There can be too much. Magainzes/hollywood is off on this IMHO. Round for me is bad, not true for everyone.
    You should talk about it with him and explore further. He may have had "larger size" role model women, so he likes that. ask him what his role models were?
    Your self image issue is an issue that you need to work on (get counseling so you are happy with yourself). Secondly, if you dont' like your self image and appearance, take ownership and change it. Lastly, don't let him dictate your shape, even if he wants you something else. Be the best you that you can be and be ok with it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This guy really likes you and your weight is not an issue to him. He said "it's fine" because guys can be somewhat unsure of what to say when a girl tells them about their insecurities. He finds you attractive, which is one of the reasons why he is with you. He wants to do sweet things like pick you up and have you sit in his lap because he likes you so much. I'm slim but exercising has always made me feel better about myself. It doesn't have to be going to the gym 6 days a week- you can walk or jog for 30 minutes a few times a week. It will make you feel stronger. I think you also need to think about all of your inner characteristics you bring to the relationship. Eventually we all get wrinkly, but a good heart can last a lifetime

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What Guys Said 23

  • Do you want a guy that loves your personality and can overlook your physical imperfections, or that won't love you if you aren't the most beautiful woman in the world? Because no matter what a guy says, women act like we are lying, insulting her, or shallow. Guys really can't win.

    Here is something you need to understand about guys. You don't have to be the most beautiful woman in the world for us to be super attracted to you. The average woman is attractive to most guys. We really have more realistic standards than women think we do. We might not ever think you are the most beautiful woman in the world, but that is okay. We can still love you just as much.

    Here is the situation most women are in that already have a man in their lives. The guy loves them, and is very attracted to her, but he doesn't think she is the most beautiful woman in the world.

    Also most guys have no idea what a size 14 is. We aren't that into women's clothing to bother to learn the difference, and we commonly don't even get told her real weight so we aren't real good with that either. The best way to let a guy know what you are talking about is to post a pic of someone that has a similar body shape.

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  • it is to some guys, depending on if that "weight" makes you look unattractive by societies standards.

    he's already dating you so he likes you, try to get over it.

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  • No, it matters very little if a guy rally cares about the lady. I think for some guys that like skinny girls as a preference, anything goes in reality, unless the girl is morbidly obese. You sound just fine. Don't worry. Your guy seems happy, so don't you fret.

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  • He is already dating you so he likes or doesn't mind your weight. So that won't be much of a problem. But the insecurity of feeling too heavy does get annoying after some time. Sure guys can handle some of it but if he for example touches your stomach and you instantly get all sad and say you feel fat. That is really what annoys guys most about the whole weight issue, the constant insecurities and saying you are overweight. It just really kills the fun if you can't even touch your SO because you know she will immediatly say she feels fat and doesn't want you to touch her. Sure we say its okay because it really is the only acceptable answer and if it is in moderation we dont mind because some insecurity is just normal in all humans. But if it happens every time he touches you it is just such a mood killer that it is a reason to break up

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  • Personally, I think your size is about right I think. Too skinny isn't attractive at all to me. I'd like your size. As far as if a guy means what he says, it really depends on the guy. Some guys will say anything to get in a girls pants but others (like me) are honest and wouldn't date someone unless I was really interested in them. So, it's hard to say for sure without knowing him. I think you're beautiful. I don't think you need to be self conscious at all about your size. I think it's a common thing for women to compare themselves to "models" that are too skinny and think that's ideal and that's what guys want. I've heard very few guys say they like ultra thin women. You have no reason to think you're anything but amazing. You're gorgeous and I'm sure you're a great person. Nobody is perfect and we all have value at the same time. Your imperfection is definitely not your weight. I'd be chasing you, definitely. Smile and keep your chin up, I'm sure you're great. If a guy holds your weight against you, he's an idiot and a jerk. You want nothing to do with him anyway. 😉

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  • Personally I like all kinds of sizes and shapes. I see a woman who is a size 12/14 as being perfect for me :)

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  • It does matter, cause fat women aren't attractive. But women are waaaay too harsh on their bodies and weight. Some thin 110lbs is heavy... what? No it's not.
    Let the guy decide whether you're too fat for him or not. It's his body the one that's supporting your weight, if he says it's fine, it's because it's fine, because he can handle it.
    Plus, he's with you, which means he likes how you look. Stop worrying so much when he's showing you signs that he's happy with how you look.

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    • Yeah it's just a mental thing for me I think. This is my first super serious relationship and I think I'm skeptical since he is amazing but I shouldn't be... We've gotten pretty close over the past 3 months and open with each other. Talked about the future dates and being together months from now...

  • It matters to me a little bit. But to be dating you obviosly he doesn't. When he says it's okay, it's okay. As for the insecurities, I'd look to remedy that before you possibly push him away.

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  • Based on my observations, it is evident that a lot of women struggle with their weight--however, from my perspective it's less an issue of actually being overweight as it is they think they're overweight resulting from the popular cultural bombardment of a specific standard. Where these cultural perceptions of the "ideal" body weight comes from is a matter worth an entirely separate discussion, but as it is, the simple fact is that popular culture promotes a specific body type as being ideal, and if women don't fit into that mold they think they're not beautiful enough. I have met many amazing women throughout my life who've had many different body types, and to be honest, some women have naturally stocky/robust morphologies, which is fine. There is a difference between having natural body fat/muscle and being OVERweight. The--I'm gonna call it a "Victoria's Secret body type-- is just that, a type, and a woman with a different body type than that isn't necessarily overweight. I'd say what matters more than size is health--a shorter woman weighing 150 pounds may be of an unhealthy physical weight, but a taller woman weighing 150 pounds might be fine. Every woman is unique and cannot be accurately judged by the same standard, so being a "size 14" doesn't necessarily mean you're overweight, unhealthy, and unattractive.

    To answer the question specifically, speaking as a man (obviously) I've realized that my "taste" in body types has actually changed over the years. When I was younger I was attracted to more Victoria's Secret-type bodies, but now I consider them "too" skinny and shapeless for me, and I have found that I've become increasingly more attracted to thicker, curvier body types. The point is that all men have different perceptions of physical beauty, and those perceptions can change over time, so just because you're not a Victoria's Secret model doesn't mean you're not attractive to someone, and if you have a loving boyfriend, chances are he truly is fine with the way you are, every inch of your size 14 curves.

    Do not listen to what popular culture tells you is beautiful, because you'll create an issue with your body where there is none.

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  • some extra weight doesn't bother me, but being overweight by a lot makes someone unattractive for me and with that I'm not interested in a relationship anymore, because a relationship without any physical attractiveness has only a low chance to last long.

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  • Not only is it important, but it is easily the MOST important component of physical attraction, and a critical part of attraction in general.

    Yes, it absolutely and totally is important. It can make or break a man's attraction to you, in many cases.

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  • Yeah weight matters to most guys, at WHAT weight he's turned off is different for every guy. He shows affection so don't worry about it. Some guys really don't care even into the larger sizes, and only care when the woman can't physically walk.

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  • To me it does. 2 reasons: 1) I do gym. If I put in the effort, you must too. 2) I have no sympathy for overweight people because weight is an easy problem to solve. you just have to say no to the bad stuff and eat the good stuff. You don't take your one shot at life very seriously if you don't tackle that problem.

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    • An easy problem to solve? The general opinion is that fat people are fat because they just can't seem to say no to food. But for your information, that is not always the case. I was an athletic, fit dancer for twelve years of my life before a back injury put me out of commission. As a result I gained quite a bit of weight due to inactivity, and was disgusted and horrified with myself. I tried, like MANY people do, and constantly had to fight the pain from my past injuries. It's a battle for many of us, and not always a result of being unmotivated and lazy. So don't judge.

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    • I wasn't using my asthma as an excuse for not working out. I was using my asthma as an example to point out that when a person doesn't go through something, they are often overly judgmental about it. Anyone that thinks weight is an easy problem to solve is ignorant. Fat people don't struggle to lose weight for years, getting made fun of and mocked because they refuse to do something easy. That sounds as ignorant as claiming gay people are choosing to be gay.

      There are many many factors that go into weight loss and we are learning more about it all the time. Recently they found out that people that couldn't lose weight through normal means can have bacteria of a healthy person put in them, and the weight finally comes off. There could be any other number of unknown causes that make it hard if not impossible for many people. Because you haven't gone through it you are ignorant as to how hard it is for some people.

    • @heavensgift2girls how do you know I haven't gone through it? I earned it! There lies the difference. And the key to health was found a long time ago: balance the amount of calories you eat with how much you burn. Very easy. All i see everyday are people complaining about weight problems yet their carts are filled with soft drinks, treats and all sorts of other shit. No, you don't have my sympathy. And it's because we healthy people EARN it, is the reason why I don't have much time for the majority of overweight people. I wasn't born with it.

  • Weight is a critical issue, for personal health and sexual attraction. Yes.

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  • Yes it does for sex apeal and your very own health

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  • When I meet somebody new, they want my respect AND, IF they are OBESE, I can see that they do not respect themselves, so how can I respect them? Get real, lose the blubber and be a girl we all want to have sex with. OK, some guys want to put it in blubber, NOT me and I think I am the norm, given the number of girls I have known., so get it right, be safe, be healthy and be there when a nice guy wants to be with you 4 sex.

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  • Yup it is if you are fat lol

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  • Every person is attracted to different kinds of people. There is no one standard. There will be guys that will be attracted to you for how you are. Self worth should not be based on how others see you.

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  • Yes, you weight matters. If he says its fine that means he is implying your fat.

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  • Really as long as she doesn't weigh more than me, it's good. Shape is more important than weight.

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  • Fat girls fart a lot due to consumption of so much food, therfore a total turn off and not attractive

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  • We could over look it for the right girl as long as she didn't let herself slide any further.
    Well the first step is admitting your overweight the second step is accepting responsibility for being over weight, not your parents not the government, not the food industry or your schools PE department YOU!, the third step is to do something about it.
    None of us were born fat; we got there by making some really bad choices, like eating fast food or buttering up our morning coffee.
    Maybe we were athletes in high school, got to college, and stopped playing sports, discovered beer and the 24-hour drive-thru. Here’s the point: it took years to get to this level and you need to understand that it will likely take years to get back to where you want to be.
    It’s hard to have this attitude in a world where everyone wants everything done on the spot, but as soon you can accept the reality of the situation the improvement process can begin.
    So you want to lose 50 pounds? Great! You want to lose it in a month? Unless you adopt a steady diet of Marlboro reds and blow, it’s not happening. Trying to lose that much weight in such a short amount of time is not good for you (there’s a reason contestants on The Biggest Loser have serious health issues after leaving the show).
    Here is a much better weight loss goal: lose one pound a week. Yeah, it’s slow, but it’s also reasonable, healthy, and attainable. At a pound a week you would hit your goal in one year with gradual changes you can stick to, which segues nicely into…
    So right now you’re eating fast food, drinking soda daily and freebasing cookie dough. You decide enough is enough and come up with a plan: plain oatmeal for breakfast, a salad for lunch, a chicken breast with a side of broccoli for dinner and no more soda, just six glasses of water a day.
    You will not last a week. You’ll do great on Monday and go to bed at night feeling good about your new lifestyle.

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    • Tuesday comes and you forget to grab the salad from the refrigerator in the morning, so you grab a burger because you have to eat something or you’ll be “starving” all day. Wednesday you remember the salad but forgot that it was Janet in accounting’s birthday and you all chipped in for a cake.
      Thursday night you are making your chicken and dreading the thought of more veggies after that lunch salad so you decide to cook up some fries. Friday is happy hour and you can’t skip that, so you go out for some wings and mozzarella sticks while washing it down with four beers or sugary mixed drinks. Sound familiar?
      Look, most people cannot live one way for years and do a complete 180 overnight. Instead, try to make simple, gradual changes. Do you drink a 20oz Pepsi with lunch and have dessert three nights a week? Start here: replace the soda with a glass of water and make dessert one night a week. It will be much easier t

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    • Why do you have three bags of chips, four two liters of soda, brownie mix, two loaves of bread, a sleeve of cookies, six boxes of mac and cheese and a bag of candy in your house? You are far more likely to satisfy a junk food craving if that shit is already in your house than if you’d have to drive to the store to buy it.

      Clear out your cabinets and the refrigerator then try stopping at the store every few days and just buying enough for your next four to six meals. Shop after you’ve just eaten as it will deter you from making poor buying decisions.

    • I’m not advocating starving yourself (although there are benefits to intermittent fasting). I’m saying you should try to experience hunger on occasion rather than sprinting to the deli every time you get a pang in your stomach.
      So much of weight loss is mental and we have to learn to overcome. The first time you decide to go hungry it will be a surreal feeling. You’ll build character, burn more fat, gain some pride and build some mental strength.
      Like everything else discussed above, start slow and work your way up. As an added bonus the food will taste better and be far more satisfying. You can start to actually enjoy meals instead of blindly stuffing your face.
      The above are ways to remedy bad habits that can be encountered on the way to obesity. Recognizing and overcoming these will put you on a path to getting healthy. If you’re currently 50lbs or more overweight start here, lose the fat, then move on to the next level.

  • Yeah. It matters. It matters so much i probably wouldn't start dating a girl i thought was too heavy.

    Guess what, your boyfriend isn't some saint who overlooks things. He'd also not have dated you if he thought you were too fat.

    But he's dating you so guess what?

    He doesn't think you're too big. He -chose- you. It's not like he got assigned you because he drew your name out of a hat. He -picked- you.

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What Girls Said 6

  • I'm around a 12-14 and my boyfriend is tall and thin and athletic. It helps me a LOT that I've seen pics of his ex's and I'm considerably thinner than his most recent (not trying to sound arrogant or mean). My boyfriend told me I'm the most attractive woman he's been with <3

    But aside from that, I get past my insecurities by knowing my positives and what I bring to the table in a relationship. I am sweet, kind and caring. I know how to clean house, I keep a full time job and I'm a great mommy to my daughter.

    Yes, I do have stretch marks on my stomach from pregnancy, but my boyfriend doesn't care. Yes, I'd love to lose a good 20 lbs, but my boyfriend still finds me attractive as I am. And you know what? I believe him because I trust him. His actions match his words.

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  • He wouldn't date you if he didn't think you were attractive. I know it's not easy when you feel a certain way about yourself, but no matter what size the woman, a size 2 or a size 20, you can still feel insecure! if you do feel badly about your weight and he enjoys exercise, why not suggest some physical activities to do together? Go kick a soccer ball around, go for a walk, go skating, etc.

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  • Of course weight is an important issue when it comes to being attracted to someone.
    Even with experience I've seen this. Lost 45 ish lbs now and when I was fat no one was interested in me lol. I get attention from guys now though.

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  • Well I'm pretty sure he likes you if you guys are dating. Not all guys are the same, some will be against it others will be for it.

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  • Yes it is very much so

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  • mmm... I just stop caring all together

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