This happened to me, I want to save the relationship and I love them very much however they thought I might be cheating on them since I was hanging out with someone who likes me BUT has a partner.. I was fery transparent about this but found a spy camera and he admitted to it right away. I asked a similar question yesterday however there was a lack of responses.
I was in a hotel that was booked for the weekend, he had complete access to it at all times.
ALSO my friend was not staying the night or anything of the sorts, I was having girlfriends over in the evening-night time to get ready and pre drink before going out.
What would I do? I would use it as an opening for a discussion with my partner about intimacy and trust; I would try to understand if we were on the same page regarding how we treat one another and the relationship; I would explain to my partner how that behavior made me feel and see how they responded.
People do make mistakes, the most important things are to understand why and to try to make things better going forward. If a relationship has a mechanism for addressing issues like this openly and constructively, that's great. If your partner demonstrates no caring for your feelings, or is unable to be vulnerable to you, that would be a far greater concern than any camera.
After reading some of the added details in your examole, I think I can understand where he was coming from (not that it was right of him to do).
I think, given the circumstances I would talk to him about it, including how what he did made me feel, and asking him some probing questions to get to the bottom of why he thought it was necessary. Ideally this would lead to a deeper understanding between the 2 of you and hopefully some compromises between both of you on what is and is not appropriate/what you can and can't deal with from each other.
What he did was wrong, but I'm not sure what you did was entirely right either. If my boyfriend had got me a hotel for my birthday weekend, I think he would Def have been invited to come along with my friend and I and out with my friends that night. If he didn't want to it is a diff story, but for what all he did, I think I see where he'd be suspicious of you not including him that day. I think my friends would understand he being invited along once I explained his bday gift...
Have a conversation with them. Why? Dig into it. State a boundary that it is not appropriate, invasive and any recordings need destroyed. If there are underlying trust issues, then those need worked on. Do work. He may just be immature. Or move on...
Okay from your comment he obviously doesn't trust you BUT at the end of the day he is insecure. How would you feel if he was with a girl who liked him?
As a guy, I don't trust other guys because I know how our minds work. The guy that likes you is in a relationship yet he has told you he likes you which shows you he is unfaithful and would cheat on his woman. Your man has good reason to be concerned but I definitely feel that the spying is overboard. This is where trust comes into play and if anything, just reassure him that the feeling with this other guy isn't mutual and that he has nothing to worry about.
I take this perspective because back in high school I was with a girl. I found her being close to one guy (she'd text him a lot etc.) and I asked what was up. She told me she didn't like him and also degraded him by calling him a few names and saying statements such as "as if I would get with "that"". Needless to say when our relationship ended she was with him 2 months later. Hence I keep saying he has good ground to be concerned but you need to make it clear to him that he is yours :)
I'd be darned furious to say the least. It really depends on you and how you feel. Give it a week or two and then see what the world looks like. It may blow over in that time. Remember, "least said, soonest mended".
Not advocating for the guy but what do you expect. Would you trust him to spend the weekend in a hotel room with a girl you knew liked him? My guess is this isn't the first time you've put him in this position and his lack of trust is probably a build up based on your actions. If not then you should've been aware you're dating a dude with trust issues and not started something serious to begin with, or not put him in this type of situation. However, in my experience girls such as yourself who have a blurry line of what is and isn't appropriate in a relationship don't just cross it one time.
If you really want to save the relationship then you just have to accept that he is jealous and will act out like this. You can't fix him and make him behave. He will do what he wants to do, while you have to decide if you can accept that or not.
I would challenge my S/O and say get rid of the camera and trust me or this ends NOW!! Cause I take dating seriously I wouldn't cheat cause its not worth the affairs with others.
I mess around with other girls but thats only cause I tend to make sister bro relationships. As in if there is a sense of love its in the sibling type of love where they can punch me in the face if I'm being stupid and I would just laugh it off.
If it wr me i would put 1... I mean can't you hangout with your boyfriend and your friends? You had your friends before u met him ryt... and maybe u have that naughty friend he doesn't trust... who can surprise you with that ex of yours you never really broke up with... catch my drift?
pre drink before going out (with girl-friends) hmmmm I think you are putting the guy under a big pressure to do such a thing ! look "going out" and anything includes drinking without your lover is not a good thing and always takes the relationship to problems ! of course if he didn't love you he wouldn't even give a fuck, he would rather go drink and do the same and send news to you later indirectly so you go run after him... my advice is if you are not ready for a serious relationship and think that you need more time to have fun and live the life then don't get into one and push a guy to do crazy stuff to control you !
I wouldn't hang out with someone of the opposite sex who I knew liked me whether they had a partner or not. Married people cheat on each other with other married people all the time, it makes no difference. That's bound to make someone suspect something.
I can understand asking my friends if I'm cheating (which I would never do), getting advice from her friends and family, and asking to see my phone. But, a hidden camera? That's crossing a big, bright line.
It's most likely over if that happened, but then again I wouldn't put myself into your situation. Why would you stay in a hotel room with someone you know that likes YOU while he still has a girlfriend of his own?
I would be so angry and feel so violated that I could NOT trust them again. That is messed up because if they're willing to go to that extent over a suspicion, what else could they do? Take secret nude pics or videos of you and use them as leverage in an argument or if you break up? Hell to the absolute mother fucking NO WAY. I would be gone with two peace symbols in the air followed by a double-bird.
Two options. Work on this in counseling (or at least together) or drop the relationship. Personally, I'd try talking with him about it first. I would be hurt that I'm not trusted, but you might not know his full story. He could have been severely hurt by a previous cheater that spooked him, and that just created a layer of mistrust. It sounds like he (or she, of I'm correct on that?) was just really worried about losing you and didn't want to get screwed over again. But I couldn't really blame you for dropping out of it either. Trust is super important in a relationship.
FUCKING DUMP HIS ASS SO HE UNDERSTANDS WHAT he's MISSING!!! If you still want to get with him give it a few days or a week and reevaluate your relationship and go over boundaries with him. He is 100% in the wrong for setting up a spy camera (that's illegal too) why can't he just check your phone when you go to the bathroom like a normal insecure person haha
If I gave him a reason to cheat then possibly, but just speaking to another male isn't a good enough reason to suspect someone of that. He has no trust if this is the case, and the relationship will ultimately fail.
I'd leave right away I don't need an obsessive controlling and overly paranoid person in my life. I'd be like "I hope you enjoyed my solo dance party because that is the last cute thing I will ever let you see me do! bye bitch!"
I'd totally make it look like I had a massive orgy with all my girlfriends then have guys come over too! That's obviously what he was hoping to see, let him see it. Two can be that immature. Why wouldn't he just stop by? Why be weird about it?
I would break up with them! Trust is pretty much the foundation to every relationship. Without trust where do you expect the relation ship to go? On top of the lack of trust putting a spy cam in someone else's house is majorly creepy!
Drop him. Like now. Next it'll be what? A camera? Tracker in your car? On your phone? Paranoia is very toxic. I had a similar situation. Camera in a teddy bear he gave me for our anniversary. He was crazy thinking I was going to cheat on him. It'll only escalate from here. A relationship can't work without trust and that's something he clearly doesn't have.
I would get furious and theoretically I'd say: get out as soon as possible. In reality things are always more complicated though. Are they otherwise very jealous? Are there more signs they might be obsessed in any way? Are you sure it will never happen again?
This was a serious breach of your privacy and they did not have the right to do so.