I'm with my boyfriend for 6 months and so far he has never given me a reason not to trust him. However, there is one of his female friends that has started to try to get with him, despite knowing we are together. To me it seems like she’s mainly desperate for attention, she gets with a lot of guys so I’m pretty sure she’s flirting with my boyfriend just for fun, rather that she would actually like him. Even though I trust my boyfriend the whole situation is really annoying because she keeps “throwing” herself at him, for example, she tries grinding on him when they go out clubbing without me (same friend group), and basically just really obviously flirts with him and acts provocatively in his presence. My boyfriend himself tells me about some of her attempts, while I find out about others myself, but it’s really annoying because he doesn’t straight out reject her. He doesn’t proceed with flirting and I don’t think he would actually do anything with her, but I can see he is also enjoying attention he gets from her, and for example, when she tried to dance with him he didn’t exactly reject her and turn around or move away and told her he has a girlfriend but just awkwardly half danced with her, without making a move. Him not straight out rejecting her is what I think is the reason she keeps doing it and while I get it’s an ego boost for him I’m starting to feel like it’s getting disrespectful to me. I told him about how I feel but he just tells me I have nothing to worry about and when I say I don’t like her, he almost starts to defend to actions. The whole situation is starting to really get to me, I know it’s not a big deal and therefore I don’t want to over react, so how do I deal with this and stay ‘classy’ about it, rather than turning into a crazy jealous girlfriend.
Most Helpful Guy
i give you a lot of credit keeping your cool over all the antics going on. if i ever thought about anything close to what your B/F is doing my wife would have all ready castrated me. i understand they have have been friends for a long time but i feel there is one thing missing that needs to be addressed. that one thing is respect. they both should have the respect to have some boundaries in you and your B/F relationship. there is a point where you can be gracious and understanding in there friendship , but there is also i point where it is disrespectful. i feel thats what they are doing. disrespecting you with what they are doing. i wounder how he would feel if the tables were turned and it was you doing that to someone else. he needs to grow up and realize his actions are not acceptable in a LTR. by what you have said he has all ready taken her side instead of yours on this issue. i'm sorry but i dont see anyway to stay classy well being disrespected on this level. i understand how much you love and trust him but unless you can find someway to put a stop to it they will always do this in your relationship. i would give him an ultimatum ether he starts taking the relationship seriously or you will move on. i know it should never come to this but who says it he will not start acting this way with other ladies since he knows your fine with it this type of behavior.1
Most Helpful Girl
You are absolutely not crazy - how you are reacting to this is very laid-back.
As others have already said, the real problem is your boyfriend. He may not encourage this girl, but he certainly doesn't discourage her either, as he should be doing since he knows it makes you feel disrespected.
You have already told him that you are not comfortable with this behaviour, and he has dismissed your concerns. That he continues with his behaviour shows that he feels justified in it, probably because he really never would cheat with her, so sees nothing wrong in it. The bigger problem is that he didn't take your concerns seriously, which as far as I gather are not based on not trusting him, but rather not wanting someone to climb over your boyfriend, which I think is perfectly valid and he should understand it. Most likely, he would not like it if a guy acted like this towards you. You can try bringing up that point if you haven't, already, but he may dismiss it by saying it would be fine and the problem is more that he should respect your feelings and put a stop to the flirting. In itself, I don't think flirting like that is wrong and your boyfriend may share my view - as long as that is what both partners are comfortable with. He may need some time & discussion to see that it is not that you do not trust him, but rather that this is not in accordance with your values.
The other choices you have can easily backfire, so I would not recommend them. There's talking to the girl - which I don't recommend, because she most likely will not give a shit and most likely use your insecurity to badmouth you to others, possibly including your boyfriend.
Then there is fighting fire with fire - encouraging this type of behaviour from a guy of your choice. Again, I wouldn't recommend it as 1, it's unfair to the guy and 2, your boyfriend may feel that you do not respect him & dump you.
Have a conversation with him again. But if his behaviour doesn't change again, ask yourself if you would be happy to put up with it and if not, do yourself a favour and dump him. Those types of girls are everywhere and he will most likely not understand & change his behaviour if he doesn't do it now. Good luck!1