How to deal with a girl persistently trying to get with my boyfriend?

I'm with my boyfriend for 6 months and so far he has never given me a reason not to trust him. However, there is one of his female friends that has started to try to get with him, despite knowing we are together. To me it seems like she’s mainly desperate for attention, she gets with a lot of guys so I’m pretty sure she’s flirting with my boyfriend just for fun, rather that she would actually like him. Even though I trust my boyfriend the whole situation is really annoying because she keeps “throwing” herself at him, for example, she tries grinding on him when they go out clubbing without me (same friend group), and basically just really obviously flirts with him and acts provocatively in his presence. My boyfriend himself tells me about some of her attempts, while I find out about others myself, but it’s really annoying because he doesn’t straight out reject her. He doesn’t proceed with flirting and I don’t think he would actually do anything with her, but I can see he is also enjoying attention he gets from her, and for example, when she tried to dance with him he didn’t exactly reject her and turn around or move away and told her he has a girlfriend but just awkwardly half danced with her, without making a move. Him not straight out rejecting her is what I think is the reason she keeps doing it and while I get it’s an ego boost for him I’m starting to feel like it’s getting disrespectful to me. I told him about how I feel but he just tells me I have nothing to worry about and when I say I don’t like her, he almost starts to defend to actions. The whole situation is starting to really get to me, I know it’s not a big deal and therefore I don’t want to over react, so how do I deal with this and stay ‘classy’ about it, rather than turning into a crazy jealous girlfriend.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • i give you a lot of credit keeping your cool over all the antics going on. if i ever thought about anything close to what your B/F is doing my wife would have all ready castrated me. i understand they have have been friends for a long time but i feel there is one thing missing that needs to be addressed. that one thing is respect. they both should have the respect to have some boundaries in you and your B/F relationship. there is a point where you can be gracious and understanding in there friendship , but there is also i point where it is disrespectful. i feel thats what they are doing. disrespecting you with what they are doing. i wounder how he would feel if the tables were turned and it was you doing that to someone else. he needs to grow up and realize his actions are not acceptable in a LTR. by what you have said he has all ready taken her side instead of yours on this issue. i'm sorry but i dont see anyway to stay classy well being disrespected on this level. i understand how much you love and trust him but unless you can find someway to put a stop to it they will always do this in your relationship. i would give him an ultimatum ether he starts taking the relationship seriously or you will move on. i know it should never come to this but who says it he will not start acting this way with other ladies since he knows your fine with it this type of behavior.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You are absolutely not crazy - how you are reacting to this is very laid-back.

    As others have already said, the real problem is your boyfriend. He may not encourage this girl, but he certainly doesn't discourage her either, as he should be doing since he knows it makes you feel disrespected.

    You have already told him that you are not comfortable with this behaviour, and he has dismissed your concerns. That he continues with his behaviour shows that he feels justified in it, probably because he really never would cheat with her, so sees nothing wrong in it. The bigger problem is that he didn't take your concerns seriously, which as far as I gather are not based on not trusting him, but rather not wanting someone to climb over your boyfriend, which I think is perfectly valid and he should understand it. Most likely, he would not like it if a guy acted like this towards you. You can try bringing up that point if you haven't, already, but he may dismiss it by saying it would be fine and the problem is more that he should respect your feelings and put a stop to the flirting. In itself, I don't think flirting like that is wrong and your boyfriend may share my view - as long as that is what both partners are comfortable with. He may need some time & discussion to see that it is not that you do not trust him, but rather that this is not in accordance with your values.

    The other choices you have can easily backfire, so I would not recommend them. There's talking to the girl - which I don't recommend, because she most likely will not give a shit and most likely use your insecurity to badmouth you to others, possibly including your boyfriend.

    Then there is fighting fire with fire - encouraging this type of behaviour from a guy of your choice. Again, I wouldn't recommend it as 1, it's unfair to the guy and 2, your boyfriend may feel that you do not respect him & dump you.

    Have a conversation with him again. But if his behaviour doesn't change again, ask yourself if you would be happy to put up with it and if not, do yourself a favour and dump him. Those types of girls are everywhere and he will most likely not understand & change his behaviour if he doesn't do it now. Good luck!

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What Guys Said 7

  • This looks to me like you are under reacting, not over reacting. It's cool that you trust your boyfriend, but to trust someone, means you trust them to do something when the time comes that you need it. In the case of a relationship, it's to reject other people when they make advances on you, and to not make advances on others, and half ass-edly doing that, isn't fulfilling that trust.

    So if I were the significant other in this relationship, and this was my girlfriend, I'd be pissed off you aren't taking my feelings of trust in way that they should be taken. If I talked to you about it, and you can't see that because your blinded by your ego boost, then perhaps you should just stay single.

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  • Just explain how disrespectful it is for him to be visably flirting with another girl its one thing if she's like a sister to him its another for them to be doing romantic stuff. Just be more direct with him and see if he gets the point that your in this for real. As he should step up his game.

    I mean I fool around with some of my female friends but neither of us see us dating or that kinda stuff were more like obnoxious siblings that do almost everything together. Well at least outside our own relationships xD. But that doesn't involve grinding on one another or any intimate stuff. if anything its more hiking and park walking and wrestling each other which eventually turns into one of us ending up with a bloody eye.

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  • The problem is not the girl, the problem is your boyfriend.
    If your boyfriend doesn't allow this shit to happen, she won't do it but looks like your boyfriend enjoys it too.
    A woman who flirts with other guy is basically a girl who has low self esteem and doesn't mind hooking up with some other dude just for fun, i would say ignore this bitch and move on.

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    • I know my boyfriend is the problem, but since I know he won't get with her but just enjoys attention and she's also his friend I don't think I can make a major deal about it. Its not like he's about to cheat on me but it does feel disrespectful to me.

    • Yes it is utterly disrespecting for u... i dumped one girl for this.
      3 months later she came back to me begging and apologizing.
      u gotta nip these things in the bud otherwise they jerk u constantly,

  • fight fire with fire

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  • You need to tell him that you think it's disrespectful of him to just go along with it rather than telling her to stop.

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  • Your reaction is valid, I would say. You should tell him straight out politely tell her to stop doing that.

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  • Hmmm looks like he is enjoying the attention.. That's why not rejecting hey like that...

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What Girls Said 6

  • I would "get even" so that he's forced to see how his actions look from the other side, if he legitimately doesn't give a shit if you're the one living up the sexual attention another guy gives you then he'll get it lol. I imagine this will be easier than you think as you are probably already doing things to curb other people's enthusiasm.

    Or (since everyone is gunna take her side if you just bitch her out right?) cock block the bitch when you are out with her and she tries to get laid. She'll start fucking off real fast or make a move that goes to far to retaliate and you've got her nailed.

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  • WOW, that is kinda disrespectful but knowing him, he won't say no to her advances. I would simply try to go out more my boyfriend especially when she is gonna be around. It that doesn't work then try dressing up to a T, when you get the attention of other men, see how he likes it?

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  • Your boyfriend needs to put her in her place. Like you said, she does stop because he doesn't want her to. He's enjoying the attention. Basically giving her the green light to keep her antics up. I would tell him that he needs to put an end to it. Not saying that he can't be friends with her, but basically telling her that he's not ok with the flirting and such because he has you.

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  • Honestly, if my significant other was doing this to me, I'd also find it disrespectful, but I wouldn't let him continue doing stuff like that continuously. If he continues to allow her to do those things, I'd break it off. She's not going to stop because your boyfriend is enjoying himself, and she's enjoying herself, so he's not going to make her stop. That's a rude move on his part, but if he can't control himself and stay faithful to you, my only suggestion is to cut it off from him.

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  • Just talk to her, or make sure you or your boyfriend ( or both) make clear that she can't come between you guys. If that doesn't help then try to get others in your friendgroup to keep an eye on her ;)

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  • Punch first ask q later 😉

    Joking tell her to back off or just tell her nicely that this guy is your man or she just wants attention so ignore her best thing to do smile and ignore
    Smile to her it will kill her
    Don't try to kiss your boyfriend in front of her she'll think that your in a competition or something!

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