Should I break up with my boyfriend just because he is not relegious and doesn't fit in my family?

If you're gonna judge, don't comment at all. I'm muslim and religious or i thought so. He is my one and only boyfriend. It just happened so quickly and i love him. He loves me. He has some personal issiues. He can be abusive sometimes but we're working on it together. We had sex. Its one of the major sins in islam. You can probably imagine how much pain I'm in. He doesn't care about religion. I don't blame him of course. But he doesn't wanna marry EVER. Plus, my family will never accept him. Please look at the situation from my point of view before you comment. What should i do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • yeah you two don't seem compatible at all.

    just move on

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What Guys Said 16

  • You need to decide what is important to you. If he doesn't share your values, can you have a rewarding and fulfilling life with him as your partner?

    This question boils down to three more:

    * How certain are you of your beliefs and values? Might they change in the future?
    * How tolerant and accepting can you be of someone who has very different values from yours?
    * From a practical consideration, how often will those differences in values turn into a difference in behavior (if you both want to do the same thing, for different reasons, that's ok, for example)

    The answers to those two questions tell you most of what you need to know. He should be asking the same questions of himself.

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  • You're an idiot if you think he'll stop being abusive. It'll calm for a while but then come back in ever increasing ways. Then he's gotten you to go against your beliefs but you could've said no. He doesn't respect your beliefs. Then there's the never marrying thing which is something you require. If this were a friend we were talking about what would your advice be to her?

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    • He doesn't beat me or insult me. It's just like he is using me. He commands me to do things like " bring me this, don't go there, you caused this."

    • That's controlling and will escalate. Dump this loser. You can do so much better. You're simply not compatible

  • There is a lot going on there - There is the abusive element - An argument could be put forward that if he loved you enough, he would explore possibilities for you to be together including converting and marrying - His reluctance to marry.
    It boils down to your decision of whether you want to be with him or not and whether you defy your family. On the very serious side if you take that drastic step, how sure of relationship are you, there will be probably no way back to family even if relationship fails so you have to be one thousand per cent sure of him.

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  • You should dump him if he doesn't respect your values in family and religion. He really doesn't seem to respect what you want. Next thing you know, he wants to rule your life and treat you like a little kid, then start saying "everything is your fault" or "you knew what you was getting into." It might hurt for a short time, but in the long run, it would be for the best interest in you.

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  • If he's being physically abusive to you, leave him. Make sure you contact the authorities or your family to ensure you do not become a victim of domestic abuse. If he truly loves you, he should not be abusive towards you.

    That aside, religion should not be an issue. As with any relationship people will always have differences, whether it's politics, religion or lifestyle... many couples do get along with their differences.

    It all depends how seriously and literally you take your religious background into account. If you have very strict parents who may despise you as a result of having a relation with someone of another religion or non-religion, then you may want to think about it, but your family should not hold you back in deciding who you want to be with. It is your own choice.

    If you truly love him, and you can recognize that he loves you, it is your own decision to distance yourself from your family if they disapprove of it. You are the one in control of your own life.

    Personally, i despise religion, but if i met a girl who was very religious and she liked me knowing i did not care much for religion, i personally would not be bothered about it. If there's a charm between you and him, and he has no problem with you practising your worship at the mosque or attending seasonal events -- as long as he is okay with it what can go wrong?

    Sometimes arguing (in a kind way) can be good for both parties in a relationship, such as debating each others views on the world and origins of life. If you can live with that, questioning other peoples ideas and taking them into account, then you can happily live with them in a relationship. Many people have opposing views who end up in a relationship.

    The most important thing is to find how seriously you take your religion. If you take your scripture as word for word, then you probably won't have much luck with the guy, but if you can keep open minded and respect an opposing view, you should be fine.

    We all have different opinions and can still get along, whether it's politics, religion or even something less argumentative like tastes in music.

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  • Nah, you should dump religion, that is the real problem here, can't you see that? Your family won't accept him, why? Because he is not religious (religion is the problem here). You love him, religion stands in the way, You've already sinned because WHAT? Religion says is is a problem? Yeah, Dump religion.

    Although I don't like that he has been abusive.

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    • Thought about that. But I couldnt. I was raised as a muslim. And even if i tried very hard, I couldn't stopped believing heaven and hell etc. And I don't wanna burn. I just wanna be happy you know.

    • Show All
    • She came to Canada in her 30's.

    • Religion is the root of all evil in this world, also a great Documentary if you care to watch it. Also OP, many people were raised into religious families. Some were even hardcore or extremist believers, in the end of the day there will always be rebellious black sheeps. I was raised in a Orthodox family, yet I careless for religion. I can't even call myself an Atheist since I'm indifferent to the topic and view religion on same level as Unicorns and UFO's.

  • I would discuss this with him and my opinion would be: we respect each other's way of thinking about religion and about marriage and try to love each other as we are :D
    What I would also certainly do is tell him to show respect and interest for your belief... that could bring him and your parents closer together!

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  • Can't you be religious and choose what rules suits you? I don't see why you couldn't believe in the prophet and disregard the crappy rules. I could believe in Jesus amd never marry. What I do in bed is none of Jesus's business...

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  • thats a good reason.

    chance of success for such lack of a deep connection is high and you're depriving yourself of someone who can support your deepest identiy...

    finally someone who isn't breaking up with someone over stupid shit like he doesn't have tattoos, or i m bored after honeymoon phase (its her lack of gorwth in her life why she's bored) and much more.

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  • U need to be compatible, not just bodily but in how U think. If he is not religious and U R, it probably will not work. You should read my page on religion on my web site, caustic-bytes. co. uk. Religion is a confidence trick, learn and move away. If U want to believe in God, it is a matter for your heart and mind, it is NOT anyone else's business and certainly not the business of any religion, they just 8use your belief to hook you in.

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  • Any reason other than you don't like\love him or he is too dangerous to you, is a BS reason to break up.

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  • Listen, dont worry that you had sex, just chill about that, its no sin.

    And about this guy... Muslim women are soo kind, loving and gentle, dump his sorry ass, you dont deserve to be treated this way.

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  • Hi there I'm also Muslim and I'm Arab so I understand where you coming from here if you want to discuss in private shokt me a message I'll be happy to help

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  • Yea, dump him. He deserves better.

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  • Time to move on :P
    Won't say that but the reason is "He can be abusive"
    This ⬆
    So you know

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    • He doesn't hit me but he is using me and he doesn't even notice that

    • Oh wow that's innocent of him 😂

    • Lol 😂😂😂

  • This is going to sound very blunt, but it sounds like you either have to choose between your religion and the respect of your family, or a guy that is abusive. At least that is how you make it sound.

    You would have to look at each part by itself. You have to accept that you will abandon your the rules of your faith, and that your family will never approve of your decision. Can you accept both of those terms? For me that would be easy. I am an atheist, and my family was abusive so I already cut them out of my life. For you however it sounds like it would be a very terrible price to pay that would leave you unhappy for the rest of your life.

    Meanwhile you say he is working on being abusive. Fine, maybe he will get better. The problem is that is a strong negative for you to give up so much for, when in return you have to worry about the future of a relationship with a guy that will never marry you, might abuse you, cause you to live your life in sin, and come between you and your family.

    I don't think you two are compatible at all.

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What Girls Said 10

  • I don't think you should be with him. If you are family oriented it's going to hurt you in the long run because they aren't going to want anything to do with you and your new other. On another note, if he's abusive towards you now judge if you guys get married. I understand you love him but it might be best to let him go.

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  • You should leave him its not going anywhere.

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    • He won't change or care about what you want. So move on~

  • Go with what you want. Not what your family or your religion wants.

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  • Religion, sex, marriage, literally none of that matters that should be the least of your worries if he is abusive! Please leave him it will only get worse!

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  • Well if you knew this from the beginning why did you even start dating him?

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  • Dump him because y'all will never be truly happy together.

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  • That is not a good relationship.

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  • I am a Muslim and I think I understand where the "being in pain" part is coming from. In any case, make it clear to him that sex is not happening again until you come to terms with the idea and have made up your mind about it.

    1) Don't ever tell anyone else in your religious / social / family circle. Not even future boyfriends / husbands who share a similar background. And contrary to the popular myth, no one can tell whether you're a virgin or not just by testing your hymen.

    2) Ask yourself why you're in pain. Whether it is because you fear Allah and his punishment or because you genuinely think you have done something wrong on social / moral grounds? Why do you think sex before marriage is haraam in the first place? Once you answer these questions to yourself, you will have clarity about your own religious identity to yourself. That said, everyone is human and thus has biological needs. Don't get stuck on it. Forgive yourself. Make peace with your inner self. If it helps, cry on a prayer mat and ask for forgiveness from Allah. He is all forgiving after all.

    3) Regardless of family, will you be willing to spend the rest of your life with a guy who doesn't want to give you the security of marriage? Will you want to have children with a guy who is not legally your husband? Why is marriage important to you personally, regardless of your religion? Do some research on what marriage in Islam is all about and what sort of safety net it can bring you in before deciding on whether you want to completely let it go.

    4) My personal opinion about the guy: I think this guy will just turn out to be a waste of time and energy. He is already showing signs of being emotionally abusive (I don't know how long you have known him but give him a sufficient amount of time and there is a good chance that he will become extremely controlling). You're less than 24 years old. Life has so much more to offer. Move on.

    5) My personal opinion about the involvement of the family: I think its a good thing if both families are comfortable with the idea of their children marrying each other. It removes a lot of workload on the couple in terms of family relationship management and communication. Even if you don't like the idea of an arranged marriage, try to find someone with whom both families are happy.

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  • Im Muslim , you know salat istikhara , best way ever to clear your mind

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    • Yeah i know. I tried it before but i couldnt see or feel anything particular. I'll try tonight again

  • Going from experience : you 2 do not seem compatible. I don't think you will be happy long term. I was in a similar position in my not so distant past

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