Am I being played?

I am 28 and I only been with two guys in my life who were my boyfreinds (relationships lasted 4 years and 3 years respectively) I've been single for nearly 2 years. I have men who's really into me but I haven't been with anybody. And here's what happened.. I met this guy at the bar on a night out with friends. We started talking, I was a bit drunk and I gave my number. The next day, he texted me whether I'm up for a drink and I said yes. First, I didn't want to go because I met him at the bar (when I was drunk) and who knows he could be dodgy. But my friends encouraged me to go see how it goes. We met and went for food and a drink (It was very casual). He seems quite friendly, nice and intelligent so straightaway, I liked him. But I knew something wasn't quite right he'd texted me randomly and sometimes it took him more than one day to reply. We arranged a second date a week later. We had a drink, went for a walk (quite romantic). I didn't initiate any contact with him after that. On Thursday evening (after being silent for a few days), he texted me whether he can come over. I said yes (I shouldn't have! doh!!). He came over. we talked, started making out. I know he's only coming over hoping he can have sex with me. I told him that 'I really like him' (which was a mistake, I was being too honest). I told him we couldn't have sex as I was on my period. We did made out but NO sex. I let him stayed and in the morning, he left. I haven't heard from him since. I didn't text him either. He just disappeared. I know he's only interesed in getting into bed with me. I get it. It was only a few dates, no sex or anything. But I can't help but feeling a bit used since I have never been treated this way before. I started feeling a bit depressed and lonely (I was fine being on my own before I met him). I don't hate the guy or blaming him for what happened. I knew he's a player. But I can't forgive myself for making myself feel this way :(


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't be hard on yourself at all. To me it sounds like you did the right thing. If a guy leaves out because you didn't sleep with him on the third date pat yourself on the back and move on. There are more guys out there on the dating scene then there are men who are not like that.

    These guys just straight aren't available. Be glad you didn't sleep with him and this let him waste months of your time. He would have hung around but he wouldn't have been worth it. Good for you!

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What Guys Said 2

  • You must make it clear to your partner on first day that, you are marrying stuff.

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    • Just because she doesn't want to sleep with him on date three doesn't mean she wants to get married. That's and all or nothing philosophy. Sometimes people just wanted to be treated and seen was people. Nothing wrong with that. 😕

    • @sjoes006 thank you. I'm a relationship person and I don't do casual sex. I only ever went out with guys who seem serious, took me out for dinner and stuff. If I sense the guy is only interested in getting into bed with me then I always cut them off (just like this one). No need to tell a guy i want to get married on the first date, but next time I will make it clear by asking the guy on the first date like 'u looking for a relationship or anything?', so he gets the idea of where is going. Thank you for your reply :)

    • @sjoes006 Marrying stuff doesn't mean, you will marry at all cost. It means, She is about serious relationship and friendship.

  • Actually you are playing him by telling him that you like him

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    • I wasn't playing at all. I meant it when I said it. If you think (or he thinks) I'm playing with him then it's even better because I don't want to feel like I got played. :-)

What Girls Said 1

  • So you felt something was right. You ignored that gut feeling. And that's always right. You know he is a player, you knew he wanted sex. All these red flags and then you start to feel depressed because you saw the red flags and you ignore them. If you feel something isn't right don't go chasing after it, your subconscious is telling what you're too blind to see. Are you emotionally independent? Do you know what you will tolerate. The faster you recognize red flags in a guy and stop pursing them. It will be easy to differentiate the good ones from the bad ones. You shouldn't be depressed about it happens. Just listen to your gut and when notice red flags leave. You allow people to treat you the way you want to be treated.

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