How do I get over my approach anxiety?

Hey guys, so I know that this is a very popular question with many answers all over the web (answers I have read before) but even with all that knowledge and good interactions with girls I still have this anxiety. This has made me go deep into what causes this in my specific case, I came to the conclusion that I simply can't put in my head that girls who I find attractive can also be attracted to me.

A bit of relevant background about myself: I recently moved to The Netherlands as a student and there are many beautiful girls I would like to be able to approach , girls which in my country would be the ones that every single person around would say that to date them you gotta at least be rich, hot and preferably not black (yup, I'm serious). That mentality has been ingrained in my brain for ages now (back then I just accepted that this was the way things were). But I changed, I improved myself in every area I could (my craft, how i look and dress, my interests, hobbies, conversation skills, etc) just for the sake of it.

With those changes I ended up dating a few lovely girls who are all still good friends of mine, made new awesome friends and I can easily connect with people I talk to, but when it comes to approaching new girls all my hidden doubts (i'm not attractive enough, remembering what I was told back home) creep in and stop me from doing so.

My female friends (close ones who I talk about this with) are all on the same page, one of them who is one of these girls I would feel scared of approaching always reassures me that I'm good looking and have a great personality (she's an awesome friend :) ), but they are my friends and I doubt they'd want to hurt my feelings.

I would like to hear from you guys, how can I get over these insecurities and approach girls (which I have done before by using the "Just Do It" method and they have gone well but that happens rarely).
Sorry for the long post, thanks in advance. :D


Most Helpful Girl

  • If any girl would be shallow enough to not date you because of what you have and not what you are (race not included) then they are at some point gonna cheat on you for someone better if you do date them. When you find a girl who isn't shallow, take your chances even if she says no at least you risked it for someone worth risking it for. Not some shallow person who lives to date hot, cocky guys because they are hot.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Just practice and repetition. Just be ok getting rejected or feeling awkward and out of your comfort zone. One thing that worked for me when I was a teen breaking out of my shell was picturing strangers as ALREADY FRIENDS, I mean people want to make friends and meet others, they are just afraid of rejection so be assertive and it works out.

    Good luck mate!


What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Guys Said 2

  • I find frequency helps keep you sharp and confident. Just try to meet and talk to a new girl every day. You don't have to want her, just talk to her try to make her laugh. Just picking up the small parts to conversating etc

    • Yea like consultant said developing a mindset helps. One that worked for me to help me initiate was. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOOSE, ONLY OPPORTUNITY TO GAIN.
      And when it comes to rejection I just immediately view it as her loss

  • Practice and don't think before you try.