My boyfriend wants me to?

So my boyfriend (who I've been dating for 3 months now) is being really jealous and possessive lately. I mentioned in passing that I'm texting my ex boyfriend because I wanted to be upfront and honest, and he blew it completely out of proportion. He was really angry with me and even threatened to throw my cell phone out the window. I honestly thought he was joking at first but he was dead serious. I was only texting my ex because we're still good friends and he needed me to pick him up at the airport because none of his friends were in town. He told me that I couldn't go to the airport to pick him up and wouldn't give me my phone to tell my ex that I wouldn't be able to make it. I couldn't even apologize or anything and I felt so bad and embarrassed that I started crying. My boyfriend just cursed at me and said I was being way too sensitive and then starting laughing at me before giving me his phone to make the call. He was blatantly making fun of me and then after he cooled down a little he bought my roses and apologized but I can't help but feel that he belittles me and sees my emotions as a sign of weakness. I feel sick just thinking about the whole incident. I don't know what I was expecting, but I guess I assumed he'd be more comforting when he saw me getting so upset. He bought me a new cell phone as an apology but I honestly think it's because he wants to keep tabs on who I'm calling and texting. I've never done anything to make him question my loyalty but he always says he doesn't trust me? Now he wants to read all my messages and hear my phone conversations with my ex. Am I blowing this out of proportion or is he really mocking how I feel? Please help me because I can't even think straight right now :(


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Saying "I'm texting my x" is a threat! You don't go pickup your x boyfriend at the airport, he gets a cab for himself! The only way you do this is if you have your new boyfriend with you and he is involved in the decision to do so. Even then it causes issues. Are you ok with him fixing his x girlfriends car? Texting her about details of your relationship? I don't think you'd like it.

    I tried this with my girlfriend as a prior girlfriend is my best friend. It causes problems, especially for people who are less secure. It is a threat and it will cause him to act out (he's showing immaturity, but you are young so no wonder).

    you both need relational counseling together. It should be standard practice these days...

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    • I wasn't sneaking around with my ex boyfriend for the hell of it. I do believe that people can still remain friends with their exes and shouldn't be seen as a threat. You asked if my I would mind if my boyfriend fixed his ex's car. Why would I mind? If I'm truly secure in our relationship I wouldn't see that as a threat at all. I was upfront right from the start. If I had ulterior motives why would I have told him? That would entirely defeat the purpose of doing something "suspicious" with my ex. We are exclusively friends and I don't see how it can be seen any differently? :)

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    • I really appreciate your advice & insight and he and I are not having sex (just to clarify lol) :) I talked to him last night & as I predicted he didn't want to try out therapy. Although he hid his emotions pretty well I think he was angry that I even brought it up. I made sure to ask when he was in a good mood and in a non-threatening way (like you suggested), but he still wasn't hearing any of it and hardly spoke to me for the rest of the night and gave me the cold shoulder. But when I woke up this morning he left me a note (because he wakes up for work earlier than I do) and wrote that he was willing to give it a shot. Is that a good sign or is he just doing it to make me happy? I want him to genuinely want the help for himself otherwise he won't take away anything from our sessions together. How can I find out if it's truly something he wants to partake in? I told him how much it would mean so I can't tell what his motives are considering he seemed so against the idea last night?

    • You are an awsome girl and he should be really greateful to have you! Well done.
      I would just take it as a positive sign that he is willing to try something. Realize what is happening... he doesn't see his problems and deep inside is a protection mechanism to hide all the shame and anger. he doesn't want that coming up... it is deep pain.
      I think you did great and just see how it flows. it is hard to say. He could easily bail in the first sessions. you could have a primer session with counselor to set the stage. If you want to share what I wrote, that's fine. I did not say this would be easy or quick did I?:) But it could be really good and is required no matter what.
      You deserve a girlfriend gold star award! go treat yourself to something special!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Unhealthy relationship. I would encourage you to leave. I think it's good that you were trying to be honest and upfront about what you're doing, and he definitely blew it out of proportion. He could have just told you he wasn't comfortable with it, or even offered to go with you to pick your ex up if he was that against it.

    Also, cursing at me is a HUGE dealbreaker. I've told anyone I've ever dated that if they cursed at me I would probably leave. No one should talk to you that way, especially because you didn't do anything wrong. And making fun of you is a no no as well.

    I dont think this incident is a huge deal, so I can't imagine how he would react if you actually did do something wrong. I think you should leave. He can't keep you around just by buying you things, and no one who loves you will make you feel the way he did over this.

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    • The only hard part is that we've had a lot of special moments together and it hurts to think that he might just be playing with my emotions. A few weeks ago when my friends and I went on a road trip to celebrate my birthday, he kept texting me saying to come home because he needed to see me and wanted to spend my birthday together. I ended up cutting my the road trip short and when I arrived he was sleeping and didn't even wake up until the next morning. I ended up staying there and watching a movie by myself. When I talked to him about it the next day he said that it was just to see if I would choose him over my friends or not and that he didn't have anything planned for me like he'd promised. When I got upset that he lied to me and ruined my birthday he just laughed and said I was being self-centered. I don't know if this is all in my head but it always seems like he laughs when I get upset over something. Then to make it up to me with an apology and reservations at a nice restaurant

    • I'm not saying that he's playing with your emotions, I think he's not good for you because he has no control over his own emotions and is not nice to you, and you sound like someone who deserves to be treated nicely. He wants to exert power over you in this relationship, and you're letting him. You'll have special moments with everyone.. think back, I'm sure you have friends who you lost contact with who you had special moments with as well. You'll move on and find someone else to make happy and better moments with. He should have been happy that you were having a good time with your friends, and also planned something great for your birthday because you're his girlfriend and you deserve that. He should never laugh at you being upset. It's not in your head, and apologies and dinners and presents are not good enough to make up for making you feel bad about yourself.

What Guys Said 5

  • You should dump him. It's a major red flag that he's so jealous and possessive of you already and he has a bad temper

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    • Even after he bought me flowers, apologized and tried to make it up to me?

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    • I see what you mean but couldn't it have just been an isolated incident? You've never lost your temper before because your girlfriend was texting another guy? If I stop talking to my ex maybe the problem will go away & he won't behave that way again. Am I just being foolish right now or was it just in the heat of the moment? Please let me know what you think & I appreciate your advice

    • I've never been that controlling and jealous so I think it's a major red flag and I'd dump him if I was you but it's your life so if you want to stay with him you can

  • are you gonna try n remain friends w/ this one as well?

    if you wanna pick up your ex boyfriend from the airport, you invite your current boyfriend to come along..

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    • I never said he couldn't come along...

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    • It's called being courteous/polite to strangers lol :) Kind of like when you can only make certain jokes with friends but not in front of random people on the street.

    • i'll do my best. ok? =]

  • He's just an asshole. As a man you have to respect you girl's emotions and you have to trust each other in a relationship, so he can't read all your messages, he should just trust you. And you should say it to him, he's looking down to you as a girlfriend at the moment, you should be more confident and believe in wht you think is right.
    Ps: Could you please answer my questions too, I see the girl I like in 2 days again, and I am not sure what to do.
    Thank you for the effort.

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  • Yeah.. not cool to text an ex... An EX is past history... shouldn't have anything to do with him.

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    • I know that but I wasn't sneaking around behind his back & I wasn't about to leave someone stranded at an airport... That would be completely uncalled for & insensitive? :)

    • Well, it would be uncalled for and insensitive to your current boyfriend.,,. you put the ex over him, in his opinion.

    • Trust is earned and I never did anything to betray his trust before. He should just trust that I'm not the type of person to cheat or sneak around with somebody. That's why I let him know and didn't make up a story about who was actually texting me. Regardless about who's right or wrong he still overreacted (in my opinion)

  • I agree with everyone here - a MAJOR red flag, and an EXTREMELY unhealthy relationship.

    Leave while he still hasn't butchered you up into pork chops

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    • I'm starting to see that everyone senses red flags so maybe there's some truth to it. Thanks you and I appreciate the advice! :)

What Girls Said 2

  • Honestly if you're dating someone you probably shouldn't be talking to or seeing an ex. It just adds to drama. But the real issue at hand is your out of control boyfriend. Its normal to get a little jealous or be upset when finding out your girlfriend/boyfriend is talking to an ex, but its not okay to try to break your things, control you/your things, or belittle you. Honestly a guy like that sounds like he has anger issues and who knows how bad it could escalate someday? I'd get out now while its still early on.

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  • He sounds abusive and controlling. You should probably break up with him (I may be only 13, but my Dad is abusive and controlling)

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    • I'm really sorry to hear about your dad :( I hope you realize that you aren't defined by either of your parents and I appreciate your advice :) Thank you & I wish there was something I could do/say to help

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    • He's never acted abusively towards me. He's never even hit me or gotten physical. I'm glad your mom came to realize that he can only help himself & she shouldn't have to put up with his abusive tendencies :)

    • It sounds like emotional abuse based on what your post said...

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