Do you think it is ever okay to ask your girl/boyfriend or SO to not speak with someone?

I do believe there are certain times where it's okay to ask this of them, but of course there is a line between asking out of respect for the relationship and asking/telling because you are possessive and distrustful of your partner.

What are your thoughts on this?

  • Yes, it's acceptable sometimes.
    65% (46)57% (37)61% (83)Vote
  • No, it is never acceptable.
    24% (17)31% (20)27% (37)Vote
  • Other...(please explain in comment section)
    11% (8)12% (8)12% (16)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Its not ok to FORCE your SO to not talk to someone, or to be angry or possessive of them. But it IS ok to express to your SO that you are hurt by it.

    The ball is then in THEIR court, to decide whether your feelings, or having the other person around is more more important to them.

    And really, this can be applied to almost any situation.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • There is someone that I have asked him not to speak to. He agreed. I guess I think it's okay because it wasn't an order or a command. If he wanted to speak to them he could have said no to me and done it. I would have no way to stop him not would I have attempted to do so. It was a request that he chose to accept, knowing he could say no if he wanted. I think it's okay as long as your partner isn't forced to do it, like if it's not an ultimatum like ignore them or I break up with you, that kind of thing.

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    • Thank you for your response. I asked a question on whether it would be okay to ask my boyfriend to not talk to a certain girl and a lot of guys got offensive about it. Some of the responses I got were:
      - "You cannot tell him how to live his life OR who he can and cannot talk to. You CAN decide, if he talks to someone and you do not like it, to dump him. Would U like it if he told U how to live UR life?" ~ Guy
      - "do you have guy friends? if yes then he is aloud to have chick friends. If you feel like the girl is going to steal him away, talk to him about your concerns." ~ Guy
      - "It's possessive" ~ Guy

      Some of them did not understand that I was not trying to give him an ultimatum, but simply ask if he would not talk with her. I'm not a "possessive" person, nor would I ever TELL my boyfriend to do something like that. Asking is completely different from telling. To me, these men, while they can have their own opinions, seem a bit ignorant.

      Here's my question link if you'd like

    • to have a look at the responses.

      www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1963114-is-it-okay-to-ask-my-boyfriend-not-to-talk-to-someone

      Not all the guys were like that, but I found that more guys were telling me I was basically being too controlling and possessive if I were to ask this of my boyfriend.

What Guys Said 11

  • If it's a tormentor from your past, and you know that it's just another window for drama, it's fair to say "please, don't get involved. All they're gonna do is say XYZ and start trouble."

    That's a fair request. Your SO should respect that. Now, being possessive and insisting that your SO hide in the closet when your other other friends come over? That's wrong. Two different gals tried that crap on me, and I would only take so much of it.

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  • Yes, you can ask them not to speak with that someone, provided you have strong reasons for saying that.

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  • I think it's ok to ask , how ever if you demand I think that is out of line

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  • If it makes you uncomfortable when they talk to somebody I think it is reasonable to ask as long as you don't go too crazy about it.

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  • I think they should be enough autonomy to be able to figure that out on their own. You can say you think it's a bad idea because ___ though.

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  • Me for an example, I'm a jealous guy and I always tell which ever girl I'm speaking to that if she's going to speak to other guys then I will have to cut her off since I rather not deal with the jealousy.

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    • That's good that you are upfront about it, so that girls are able to decide whether or not it will be a problem for them early on.

  • Depends on the context, but even then, it's a little bit iffy.

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  • I would never let ANYONE tell me who I can talk to. I am an adult, I decide for myself.

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    • But this isn't about telling someone who they can talk to. Asking is different from telling. If someone told you not to talk to someone, then yes, I don't think it's really okay. If they asked you not to though, it's not like they are giving you an ultimatum. They are giving you a choice and you can choose whether or not you want to make the right one. The right one could be continuing to talk to the person or not, but you still have the option.

  • Option C
    It is not okay It is very insecure

    However if it is for their protection it is different. I know some very violent guys. And they would really be in danger.

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  • The way I see it, only if it's potentially life threatening.

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  • Yes, if the person is a bad influence

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What Girls Said 9

  • Yes its acceptable sometimes, I remember I did when I saw that this female wasn't respecting our relationship and when she was drunk she'd call him and cry and sorts and she tried to insult me over the phone when I picked up etc. It was very dramatic.. usually I will tell them I would rather they NOT talk to someone if they disrespect my relationship but ultimately it's up to them to make that WISE choice lol.

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  • I think it would only be acceptable in very extreme situations - for example, if you had been seriously assaulted by someone. Or if it was the case that the person you would not be happy for your partner to talk to was extremely manipulative, but I would still beware of making requests like this - it usually backfires pretty badly and creates distrust & discontent in what is otherwise a good relationship, as far as I have observed.

    Other than that - why not let your partner come to his/her own conclusions about who they wish to talk to? I would find this type of request insulting to my intelligence and good judgement of people, and would most likely not feel like my partner thinks very highly of me and my capability to make those types of decisions for myself.

    What specific situations did you have in mind?

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    • Well, for me, there is one person that I'm uncomfortable with my boyfriend talking to. I would rather him not start conversing with this one girl we met at the same time. She gives me this vibe that she's bitchy. Also, she seemed to take a liking to my boyfriend, but certainly didn't even try getting to know me. It's not as if I wasn't friendly or anything. I just got a bad vibe from her. I have no problem with him having friends of the opposite gender. His best friend is a girl and my best friend is a guy. I have no problem with him talking to other girls, but this one I just have a bad feeling about.

    • Ok, I can totally understand why you would feel that way then. Unfortunately, there are many girls out there who definitely don't have any problems cozying up to men who are already in relationships/marriages. I hope your boyfriend will see through her.

  • Sometimes depending on if they have a better relationship with or can relate better to the other person.

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  • it's okay to ask them not to talk to a person if the person behaves hazardously like drinking and driving, drugs etc. It is not okay to ask them not to talk to a person out of jealousy if you have no proof that your SO is unfaithful. try to get to know your SO's friends. it really attractive if you can be open to associating with their friends and welcoming them as your own friends... unless their behavior is hazardous.

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  • Yes, within reason

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  • If you say it nicely with confidence
    He will see that you don't mean anything harmfully just nicely and peacefully

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  • I think it depends why. If there is a reasonable reason, discuss with him how you feel and why.

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  • it depends on who the person is

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  • In marriage it's okay. Anything else – don't tell me what to friggin do

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