If you were transgender, on which date would you tell the guy/girl?




  • Before you start dating. Doesn't matter if, probably, most people then won't even give me a chance.
    63% (24)75% (38)70% (62)Vote
  • After the second date - when I know we have chemistry and I know they're an accepting and open person.
    24% (9)16% (8)19% (17)Vote
  • When and if we become serious, i. e. before having sex, but being emotionally entangled.
    11% (4)2% (1)6% (5)Vote
  • Never. I'd just hope I get the final surgery before they find out! If we get married, then they would know! Ha!
    2% (1)7% (4)5% (5)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honey, I'd open with that. It'd be like, "Hi, I'm Alex and I used to be a boy. Is this going to be a problem?"

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What Guys Said 24

  • Right at the get go?
    If they don't like it well then tough titties.

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  • Very early on if you want it to go anywhere possibly beforehand - Not telling could create extra drama to an already emotionally fragile situation - Even for yourself if it is a dealbreaker for them, imagine telling them after you have invested in the relationship.
    Reminds of the Swedish drama "30 degrees in February" where a Swedish man fell for a transgender in Thailand and she kept it secret till late in the relationship, it had a seismic effect (I won't spoil the end in case somebody watches it in the future).

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    • I answered before reading poll options even post op I would say it - They may find out about it which will cause difficulties.

  • While in theory we could have one answer, i suspect the answer is different for transwomen and transmen. Sadly, transwomen are at FAR higher risk of violence from a partner who feels 'lied to'. Because of that, transmen probably have the ability to wait a little longer, while simply not escalating physically, until they trust the person.

    Transwomen unfortunately are in a situation where they are trading off two factors. One factor I don't think should be considered much? the fact that many people 'won't give them a chance'. Heteromales in particular are not very likely to 'give someone a chance' if they weren't open to it before hand. My impression is that women are a little more likely to be open to it if the connection is there (and my rusty brain suggests even GaG polls have supported that).

    So what are the factors? Factor 1 is that if you wait too long, the person may feel lied to and be hurt, or fly into a rage, which are both bad for different reasons. Factor 2 is that the transwoman may not want everyone on the planet to know and may not want to tell their history to every damn person in the world.

    So I think:
    - if they're okay with it, A is 'safe'.
    - if they would rather be more careful, I'd say B, or maybe 'B-'. They key is to say 'i like this person enough that even if they can't accept it, i trust they won't treat me like shit, and if i suspect they would, i'd just stop seeing them'. You need to delay anything even a kiss beyond that point though.

    My impression is transmen can go closer to C. Whether that's 'right' or not, i'd suggest asking women, not me. But for transwomen, i think C is too dangerous.

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  • wouldn't it be best to do it like right away?

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  • Any that waits until after the first date, can expect to be badly beaten by someone, at some point in their lives. There are a lot of people that won't tolerate that sort of thing.

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    • You know that could happen if you told them on the first date. Some people are really bigoted. I'd wait until you know them better, and if you find out that they won't tolerate that sort of thing, then you can make an excuse for breaking up and leave them before you get beaten up.

  • Before is probably best. To many people gender is unchangeable. Not only that but if they wanted kids with you that might be tricky for various possible reasons. I think that someone would only reject you if their views on gender dictate that gender can't change.

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  • Well you probably should tell them at the start, because nobody likes finding out that their girlfriend has a penis. Unless they're bisexual or gay, of course.

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  • You go to a transgender dating site so my partner would also be a transgender.

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  • I would never be a Trans

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  • If I were transgender, I wouldn't date, unless or until I were to be cured of my mental illness.

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  • before of course. I'd probably do more online dating where I can say it on my profile and only people who are okay with it would contact me

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  • Only once we've been making out for hours lol 😈

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  • That's something that you really should say ASAP. Like, really quickly.

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    • So you'd say that to a man if you were transgender but found him attractive right away? Risk something like a beating just for being who you are?

    • Transgender people are far more likely to get an awful response if they wait and say it later.

    • I was sure haters can't be that easily recognized and that they respond in a nutty way either way.

  • That should be disclosed as early as possible. I need to know so I don't waste my time on it.

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  • I can't date without telling the fundamental stuff about me... i would have to risk it.
    But... a person that's suffering and lonely will probably avoid doing it soon... : /

    So, it depends how my life is... : /

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  • I would never be transgender to begin with.

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  • I think it's best to say it right then and there.

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    • Maybe do it creatively like sing a song about it? Maybe a little dance to do with it, something that hints at the fact that you have a penis?

    • Show All
    • No I was asking you out.

      You are a jerk for rejecting my advances.

    • @ColinHarvey You're joking right?

  • Just advertise it up front. It's not like you're going to change their mind and make them go gay.

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  • (Gomer Pyle voice) surprise, surprise, surprise!

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  • You write it in your profile, duh.

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  • Definitely right away. I wouldn't wanna be a dick

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  • Good question

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What Girls Said 7

  • My brother is transgender. The first two girlfriends he had he told shortly after they started dating. His recent girlfriend found out from a friend of hers who went to high school with him.

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  • Very soon!

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  • I tell them as they ask me on a date or we plan one. No point going on a date if they wouldn't be okay to dating me in the first place.

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  • I would never go through such a transition but I believe it should be out in the open from the get go. It's not really something the majority of people can look past so what would be the point in getting excited over a date with someone who is just going to be disgusted at you after you mention it. Saves a lot of disappointment for both people. I suppose there's dating sites you can join dedicated to trans, so I would stick with those.

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  • I would definitely tell them, it's the right thing to do, if someone told me right away I would accept it.

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  • As a girl, I'd like to know before dating.

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  • I'd probably tell them on the second date. I'd have to think of how to tell them the night before, and I'd need to understand that they were open to that kind of thing.

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