Girlfriend troubles?

I recently, had an argument with my girlfriend, not intentionally but I was trying to understand what was going on in a certain situation. I try to be very understanding even when my gut tells me that I shouldn't be; but basically my girlfriend has a best friend that is a guy. I recently found out that they facetime a lot and it got me a little jealous to be honest. Then another event happened where I received screen shots of a conversation she was having with another guy, no big deal we sorted it out. But what I found out recently was that she facetimes with this guy best friend every single day. For like 2 hours at a time sometimes, which got me overly jealous. But what struck me as a surprise was the fact that I realized a pattern in my girlfriend. She deletes text messages, for example I know that her and this guy best friend have texted nearly everyday, but now there are no text messages? She got defensive when I brought up that I was jealous which to me is a red flag but it is her personality. I'm trying to figure out if anyone has experienced this before? Or if there is something I am missing here. Any advice would help more than you know. Thank you.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • YOU ARE jealous and that always kills romance... think about being told what to do by someone not a teacher, someone that's supposed to be fun & time elected to invest in them... close to being a bully, right?

    SHE IS hiding things that are obviously flirting, dating, shopping guys = normal at this age and important to selecting The One for life later on. She deletes to avoid drama and they ARE private except only to a spouse. Butt out.

    That said, YOU have a right to have more face time & volunteered exclusive time with A gal, just NOT this one. Your new time investment is NOT forcing this one to pay you more homage but instead to shop more & other gals out there that WANT to give you homage that's more comforting and real to falling in love

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    • This concept of thinking would be ideal in another situation. I've failed to point out that I have given her a promise ring and spent a pretty penny on it. I take no part in shopping for new mates whilest I have one, I view that as a form of cheating. What would a symbolic ring mean to dedication when I would be shopping around for backups or replacements?

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    • In my eyes cheating is any interaction beyond friendship after a declaration of fidelity. Becoming girlfriend/boyfriend is a form of declaration such as this, declaring that you are concentrating on them and only them. Sharing a bond you share only with them at that time period. And why would you suggest I take the ring back?

    • Why? Read what you wrote... is plenty "why"

Most Helpful Guy

  • i think you should cool down and avoid getting overly emotional over it. For one thing, her getting defensive to your line of questioning shouldn't really be a red flag. It's a perfectly normal response to have if you accuse someone indirectly/subtly as cheating. Now, if she is indeed deleting messages like that, then she's probably doing some hanky panky stuff behind closed doors... or its not quite as bad as you think, but is afraid that if you saw them you would overreact. Either way my response to that would be this: Assuming that i still liked this girl, i wouldn't be trying to clamp down on it. I'd do the exact opposite. If she wants to chat with her good male friend, id be okay with it. But I would be thinking about where i may or may not be lacking in terms of giving her the kind of attention she wants as a woman. You might be either giving her too much attention to the point of smothering her, or giving her so little attention that she now feels the need to seek out attention from other men

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What Girls Said 1

  • Everyone has the right to hide from others, not saying that it's right but it's her choice to, so you have to respect her and talk to her about it instead of questioning and telling her that it's not right for her to do.

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    • I don't think matters like this are appropriate to be hidden. She is talking with another guy who I have not yet met on a daily basis. I was told that on the other situation I would be shown the text messages but instead they were deleted. I would much rather have truth than smoke.

    • You have to make sure the two of you are on the same page first.

What Guys Said 1

  • Not experienced it, but from what you write it sounds like a giant red flag. You should figure out a way to get on top of those messages or to force her to confess whats actually going on.

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    • To be honest, I know her and she will not confess to anything unless I have provided her with proof. Until she has absolutely no other way to get out of the situation. I have experienced this before with her in other situations.

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    • It's very difficult for me to distinguish between right and wrong at this point. I love this girl with all that I have, and with honesty I would love to have a future with her. It's just situations like this that drive me up a wall and question all of my surroundings.

    • It all comes down to you. If you are ok with the current situation, stop complaining. Since you are complaining, you obviously aren't ok with the toxicity. But in the end no one will change the situation, but you. So grow a pair and start shaping your own life. In german we say "You are your own fortunes smith".

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