Why do I weigh physical attraction so heavily? What is the psychology behind this?

I have to come realize something about myself. I find myself weighing physical attraction very heavily. I know it is important but I'm not sure if the level I put it as is unhealthy or not. In the past I have found that suddenly when I meet a guy who is insanely hot I fall very easily. I get to the point of infatuation and I feel crazy and not thinking straight as to why maybe they are not good for me in terms of personality, they might not be such a great guy, etc. I also find that many times guys that I find attractive physically don't feel the same way about me and I wonder if its because the guys I tend to like are out of my league? I don't know. I would say I'm probably an 8. Also, a guy could have a great personality and be an overall good match but if they are not insanely good looking I don't like them and don't have that infatuated feeling. Let me just add to this that I'm also a virgin. I have had two boyfriends and those guys I didn't actually want to be with for reasons that don't matter to this, but we got to about 2nd base I would say. I just have never been in love and I want to wait for love to have sex because I feel that’s the right thing to do and I want to feel secure enough in the relationship that a guy wouldn't judge my body, wouldn't break up with me, and that he could be the one I possibly marry. I'm not sure if maybe because I am a virgin and I somewhat desire sex that that is why I want these hot guys and it’s more about lust? I just feel very torn because I want an attractive guy who is an overall good guy but will also wait until I feel ready to have sex. I feel like the mindset I have it’s so unrealistic for me to find anyone. Please help to give me some kind of understanding as to the psychology behind this? Thanks!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Everyone generally feels they deserve the best they can get. That's really what it comes down to. You want a good catch, and a good catch is considered to be someone that society will accept. If you have a boyfriend and all your friends are telling you how hot he is, you feel like you got a good catch. If you love him but everyone you know finds him ugly, you feel low balled to a certain extent.

    Another thing to consider is that personality is reflected through our outer shell. So expressions and fascial attributes shapes a certain personality. The way a personality is projected often times is first seen by your eyes.

    You can't do much about it but eventually you'll see that once you date the hot guy and date an average guy... you'll just prefer the one that works for you.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I am sorry about that. I don't think there is a way to change it, but well, it could be worse than that. Maybe it may change on its own in the future? Right now, there is nothing you can do. You're drawn to them, you can't help it. However, you can still control your own actions.

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What Guys Said 2

  • For many people different things matter. For me it's more about connection a person. But for a lot of people looms are what matter. For me it might be because I'm more average looking. For immediate sex a girls looks would have to be amazing. I'm not a one night stand kind of guy so a girl would have to amazingly beautiful to get me to have sex. For a relationship average looks are acceptable and an emotional connection is a must. You just need to find the traits you find appealing nothing wrong with that.

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  • It's an instinct which promotes healthy babies and children who in turn will have better mating success.

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What Girls Said 0

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