Why date when you're not over your ex?

So I've been talking to this guy online and he seems nice. But the problem I have is that I feel he's not over his ex!

So he dated his ex for 5 years and thought she was the one. It was hard because he's pretty devastated, she cheated on him. Yet 2 weeks after they broke up, he's online. Things were going well at first. We had a great conversation. But he told me he was drinking because he was sad about his ex. He made plans to go on a date with me, but never followed through. So I stopped talking to him.

Now he is messaging me again, he just asked me if it would be weird to still hang out with his ex's Aunt and Uncle. I just can't help but feel he is still obviously upset about the break up and won't leave his ex in the past.

We started talking in February, so it's been a few months. If he's not ready to date, then why be on the site?

I seem to be running into a lot of guys like this lately. They are still hung up on their ex, while I am looking for a relationship. I'm not interested in being someone's rebound. I really want to find someone genuine.

I'm just starting to get frustrated :( I don't mind loving and supporting someone through a tough time. But if he's going to pine over his ex the whole time, and go back to her the minute she wants him back, why put myself through that heartache?

What do you guys think?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Haha join the club! A guy I started dating told me he thinks he's not over his ex, and they broke up FOUR YEARS AGO! Now that's some fucked up shit...

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    • Ugh! Tell me about it! It seems like EVERY guy I talk to has some reason he can't get over his ex. This guy in the question has only been split up for a couple months, so it's a little more understandable. But some of the people online have been broken up for years! When it comes to years, it's time to move on! Stop playing hostage in the past! MOVE ON! :P

    • I honestly think it's just a BS excuse. :/ What it all comes down to is that they are just not that into us, and we shouldn't analyze it any further.

What Guys Said 3

  • Leave yourself out of it. People should never date unless they are completely over someone or it'll just be a rebound.

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  • I guess because you hope it gets you over her faster...

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  • It can be good to get back out there

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    • I know, but it's not really fair to me. It's obvious he's still got feelings for another girl. And he can't fully be with me. So why put someone through that? It's not fun to be the second best option. I've been in that situation a couple times. I want a real relationship, not one where the guy is constantly disappointed that I am not her.

    • Id love to date again but im not because im not over my ex fully yet. I hate that but im nearly there.

What Girls Said 2

  • He's not ready to date, but it's not uncommon for people to want to jump right back into the dating pool. They're rebounding. He probably still wants to feel loved and cared for and be able to give that to someone because he's so used to being in love and having someone there for him. If you think he's worth it then you can stay around and support him through this time, but know that he's definitely not over his ex and it'll take him time.

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  • Part of it is probably to rebound. A lot of people seem to think jumping into dating or a new relationship right after a breakup will speed up the healing process, which doesn't really work.

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