Am I being too conservative? Are there guys who appreciate this?

Okay, I'm currently a junior in college. I've never dated anyone or had any romantic relationships with a guy before. I'm not the type to hook up or flirt with guys -it's just not something I would do, personally.

I've been in college long enough to notice that most guys seem to be attracted to those who are very open to sex. What if the girl is not open to having sex before marriage? I understand that my way of thinking may be extremely old fashioned, but this is what I strongly value.

My friends who initially had the same thought as me (being conservative and all) are finally giving in to the social pressure (or maybe they actually want it) and are hooking up and living the typical young wild and free college life. Guys always come to them, whether they are looking for sex, or just friendship.

I find it very hard to make guy friends, let alone having a guy be romantically attracted to me.
I don't speak in a vulgar way -pretty formal most of the time (it's just how I am). But it doesn't mean I can't have some fun once in a while (modestly though)! I choose my words wisely and try not to say too much. In social events I observe rather than participate.

Do guys find this intimidating? What do you guys really look for when you want a serious relationship?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm way over your age, but I was raised in the same way and back then, yes I would have dated someone like you, have dated people like you, and I actually respect that more.

    But you are in a younger and even more corrupt generation.. once some guys start getting that, the rest are pulled that direction. You likely will have better luck finding a Christian/Catholic, someone who was raised with old fashioned values who respects your choice than randomly finding a guy in college. the challenge is the guys sex drive at that age is at peak... and snuggling, kissing etc.. is really hard to manage because it is a trigger.

    Not sure why guys aren't attracted. they certainly will be attracted more to the girls who cast a sexual image, but I am and was attracted to the girls who cast a "love" image vs a sexual one.

    Its going to be tough sitting back like that... more than likely, you'll want a shy guy as they are reserved, but he isn't gonna approach you. You may have to be confident and approach.

    Intimidating: I used to find it intimidating, but I don't anymore. At your age, if the guy approaches you, he is aggressive. Like I said, I think the shy guy, who likely doesn't even show up to events is your better bet or someone who is religious.

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    • You're my mother's age, and I always tell her that I wish I was born 30-40 years ago! My generation is so wild; I just can't find the right people to connect with. [NOTE: I go to a jesuit institution. It's a wild farmhouse here though.]

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    • I guess this may be an indication to focus on my studies then! I plan to go to med school after I graduate, and I know that during those 4 years I will probably look like mess for anyone to find me attractive! And the thought of being alone forever just scares me!
      But thank you for your comments!

    • I know that is a fear and it is a risk. This is a tough one for all of us. You don't want to be alone, but you need to be secure in yourself to really be attractive... to a quality person. otherwise... the girls that put themselves out there to be used end up that way. So at that age, I think it is wise to focus on studies.. but...
      if you can "date" and get to know people and learn without violating your boundaries, then do that. as much as you can socialize the better. I wouldn't hide from people. Take it as a project to sift through the coal to find your guy. I've met and I know decent guys who want a relationship with girls, your age, they have the saem problems... where is she?

Most Helpful Girl

  • Your best chance at finding someone similar to you is looking online at sites like okcupid. com

    That's where I went to find my boyfriend.

    I have similar views as you do, except I will have sex in a serious relationship (so before marriage, but not promiscuous), and I'm slightly socially awkward... I have always had problems forming relationships with people that I meet because I'm not very good at marketing myself I guess... it's much easier to find someone and talk to someone online when looks aren't the #1 most important thing and there's no pressure to say the right thing or wear the right thing or act the right way. Just talk and go from there.

    Especially since you can find people that you never would have found otherwise. Like perhaps you guys don't go in the same circle, or don't get out much (like was the case for myself, I hated going places where you'd typically meet boys).

    Anyways, immature guys do find that intimidating. College age guys especially want to have sex. But if you look online there will be more options. Or just wait until you finally find someone.

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What Guys Said 17

  • When I look for a serious relationship, I am actually looking for someone just like you. I don't chase tail as we call it-looking for that thing that has sex with anybody on or off campus, gross. Never change under peer pressure. Never change for others or to fit in. Change your circle of friends. Join a club where you can meet like minded individuals. College guys that go to the popular parties are looking to get laid. Don't feel you are missing out on "campus life" if you don't bow to the losers and get wasted or follow those girls who are giving in. There are PLENTY of other activities to get involved with. You will find a good man when the time is right. Watch other students in class and you can tell who some of the good ones are. I am not saying the partiers are bad people, but if that is not your lifestyle, why go there? It's very attractive when a man sees you care about yourself. Little boys don't see that. Stay on the good path. You will find the right one when the time is right.

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  • Yes there are guys who love that in a women. I honestly have not seen someone like you on campus that did not go to my church.- long story about how I found out one semester that many of the people at my church actually go to my college. I say them one by one on the start of a new semester. Say the way you are because your going to find an amazing guy that appreciates you for you that loves what you have not done. It will probably help joining a church club or a church young adult group so you get comfortable talking with guys and the ones that you befriend can help you find dates that believe the same way you do. God Bless Anonymous

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  • No, that's really good that you value your morals, values and live up to them, and it's fine. If guys don't appreciate you for this then it's fine, you need not worry about that.

    Social pressure?

    Well there is nothing like pressure as such, pressure is what you take, of pressure might be there but then pressure will only get to you if you are mentally weak and as a person if you can be easily influenced, only then pressure will take control over you.

    However if you are mentally strong and if you value your morals, values more than anything else, irrespective of the consequences then no amount of pressure, no type of pressure will work on you.

    So those friends of yours who gave in to pressure, were not strong enough to resist it and more importantly then did it because they wanted to.

    Yes, you are right in today's modern world, all guys may not appreciate your values but I am sure still there are guys who will appreciate your thinking.

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  • You are not being to conservative. I have decided that I would wait until I am married but it would be much more special and sweet that way. Hold fast to what you want don't let anybody tell you want you want. In a serious relationship I would look to see how well I get along with my partner and see how well we can smoother each other's rough edges.

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  • Some guys like conservative girls/women/ladies! It is easy to be overlooked, and there is nothing wrong with waiting until marriage if you really want to, but I will add people can marry for the wrong reasons too. There are people who do cave into social pressure and pay a huge price for it. The word marriage came bring up some scary thoughts for guys--weddings, child support payments, all sorts of stuff that can be legendly fearful and frightening. For a serious relationship, I guess my answer would be someone who means something worthwhile to them. I remain at a loss of words of what else to add.

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  • Guys will respect your decision to not have sex until marriage. But for guys especially, sex is extremely important in a relationship, and it would be asking a lot to wait for you to be "sure" you liked the guy

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    • But, I forgot to add, there are guys out there that also appreciate that

  • mmm i am literally you but a guy, look the sad truth is that people that want sex before marriage are not very common but that doesn't mean its impossible to find one.
    your problem with making friends may be more because you may look introvert in comparison to your friends around you.
    you dont have to speak vulgar honestly the only thing you have to do is speak, beleive me if you just talk to someone randomly they would make them have an interest in you (friendly/romanticly) also dont wanting sex doesn't mean you can't look atractive there is nothing wrong with using you physical features to attract someone heck i do it i go to the gym just to look sexy but its not like im gonna have sex just because i look good. do these points and i am sure you would get friends and possible boyfriends in no time

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  • If you strongly value it, why does it matter if others think it's too conservative? Stick to your values and accept the reality it entails.

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  • A lot of guys. And quite frankly the only guys that really will be a good guy when your older. Are the ones who will respect that. Don't feel like you need to conform and act like other girls. But my only advice is be more confident with it. Put yourself out there and always be down to have a good time. And keep brushing off the pervs. Eventually you will bump into someone who suits what your looking for:))

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  • You should live life more. You only have one life. So live it to the fullest. I have news for you. It's 2016 not the 1950's. Old fashioned values are failing behind as everyone else are getting more modern.

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    • if by ''modern'', you mean completely, retardedly, stupid-then we agree.

    • Right... and you, my friend, are the type of guys I try to avoid.
      But I'm glad you're living your life to the fullest!

    • oh! a gutsy girl! i like it.

  • Tbh honest I respect that and would probably look at that as a positive if I were wanting a relationship!

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  • The sex part wouldn't bother me but the rest sounds pretty boring.

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  • Chillax, those guys are looking for bad stuff, wait for a guy who enjoys talking and romance, nothing more

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  • I'd definitely appreciate that.

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  • not many... and that's a good thing.

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  • Stick to your values! Most guys in college are focused on having sex. But once they want to settle down, you're the perfect girl. You will have more guys after you than you know what to do with. Guys can tell if a girl is clean (I call it whore-dar) and you will be able to easily find the best guy for you when YOU are ready! Who else is better to listen to then a fellow college student?

    What do I look for?

    A girl that is confident, smart, very sweet, has a sassy side, sexy, and one that sticks to her values. As long as the girl shows interest in me, then I love a challenge. It shows they are not a pushover and won't have sex with just anyone.

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    • Ahaha thanks! I guess I'll just continue to be salty as I watch all these couples express their mushiness all over campus! xD

    • Hahaha it can't be that bad. Just remember, you have something that is priceless and they can never get it back. Just about any boy would love to take it from you, just make sure you give it to the right man. Virginity is something to treasure.

  • Yes, the more conservative the better. We aren't all crazy horn dogs, many of us are cool with waiting until marriage, myself included. And you better believe if we are waiting, we want to find a girl who is waiting too. I know a lot of guys like me, many of us aren't the funniest guys, or the best looking, or the most confident/popular, but I can guarantee you 3 things if you were to marry me (although I can't speak for other guys like me). 1.) You will mean more to me than just a sex partner 2.) You will have a good quality of life (I am conservative with money, since I have been able to resist sex for this long, you can better assume I will stay loyal to you), and 3.) I will make a good family man, I like kids, treat people with respect, and am far more mature than the people sleeping around and drinking all night.

    Many of my friends are very similar to me, we all have similar values and girls looking for those sort of things would do well with any one of my friends. Some girls just want sex, and they can do whatever floats their boat, but for the girls that aren't about that, there are guys out there like myself and my friends who are willing to love you as more than a sex object. You just need to find us, although I'm sure things will work out for you, dont compromise your values in order to "get a guy" though, if you dont want to have sex before marriage YOU DO NOT HAVE TO, and dont ever let a guy tell you otherwise. If he does so, then he isn't a right match for you. Just keep that in mind and you will do fine. Best of luck.

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    • I'm very shy/introverted, and unfortunately all of the guys I've liked are extroverts! I guess opposites attract...
      I have some guy friends, and they all just shake their head and say, "good luck on finding someone like that. Most guys aren't willing to wait...". Really saddening. lol

What Girls Said 3

  • You sound like a female version of Hank Hill lol

    You'll most likely have to date a religious person, extremely religious, because lots of people have and enjoy premarital sex. It won't be impossible, but it will be a bit difficult.

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  • some guy do.

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  • Guys like hookup and slut before marriage but the majority prefer to marry a virgin

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