How much can being short hurt a guy's self-esteem?

I'm a short woman (5 ft) dating a short handsome guy (5 ft 4). I think he's really good-looking, hot, fit, intelligent and charming. Yet, he sometimes has huge self-esteem issues that are hard to understand.

He's very insecure that I might leave him, but for me it makes no sense that he has this feeling, since for me it's so obvious that he's much hotter than me (I'm like a 7, he's like an 8). Sometimes I wonder whether being short might have marked is self-esteem forever... and led to these insecurities (though he's hotter than me, maybe he thinks that his height curtails his options in the dating market to about half, while in my case being short is no big deal, most guys wouldn't have a problem than that?) - still I know quite a few girls were falling for him when we started dating... like 3 or 4... (I had a few guys after me as well at the time)

tl; dr Wondering how much being short may work against a guy's confidence and self-esteem, even when he's handsome and girls are after him?

Updates:
ABove I meant I'm like a seven and he's like an eight... or 8.5

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It can effect them a lot. You know how much being overweight can hurt a girls self esteem, and she can do something about her weight. Guys are completely powerless to change his height, so that feeling of powerlessness is added to his body image issue.

    I know 350 pound women that will not date any guy that is below 5'10 regardless of his other traits. With women that desperate constantly letting short guys know they don't make the cut based solely on his height, imagine how hard it is for short guys with the majority of women that aren't desperate and can afford to be picky.

    If the majority of men wouldn't consider you over a trait you can't change such as your height, it would effect your self esteem a lot more than you seem to think.

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    • yeah, i see... makes sense... but he has no problems to pick girls... about half of the girls are his height or shorter, and he really knows how to make a woman go crazy for him. I hate it lol :P
      he still has self-esteem issues that are hard for me to understand...

    • I suspect his working out is his way of trying to overcome his insecurity, as oppose to trying to learn to accept himself as he is. If he isn't dealing with the problem properly, then he can never move past it no matter how much time has passed.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Being short means so little and makes no difference for me and a lot of people but certain people do have more centralized insecurities. That said, all you Can do is be there for em. Love him, and reassure him why you love him and how unneeded his insecurity and doubt is.

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What Guys Said 19

  • Most people have an insecurity, because at one point they got negative responses from people. He's probably been called short in a demeaning way in the past. Most short guys are at least a little insecure about it. And height legitimately matters to a lot of girls. Even tho it's not the most important thing. Good number of girls won't date a guy who is "too" short. So it makes sense that he feels that way, but it's up to him to accept it and overcome it

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  • It's not just about being short. Life experiences have way more to do with it. I am 6ft2, 185 lbs (average weight for my height). In the Coast Guard my maximum allowed weight was 199 lbs. I must say the military gave me a huge confidence boost. Your man's body seems to be just right and his looks as well. I don't think it comes close to that. He may have had a bad breakup before you and he feels something he did caused that to end. On the other hand, he should trust you, when you tell him he has nothing to worry about when it comes to you leaving him. Have you asked him why he thinks you may just get up and leave someday? He should not be thinking about his options in the "dating market" as you put it, since he is with you, the dedicated, sincere, girlfriend. Who's to say he is short in the first place? Maybe that is normal height afterall. I used to be aware of my size, being small and thin, until I reached an age of maturity where men don't think about any of that crap. The only confidence boost he can get is with time. Reading books, changing lifestyle, buying fancy cars and all that is useless. All he needs to do is progress in life and get over any events from the past. I did. I am so bold and confident now, but not cocky, I could come across a lion in the wild and laugh it off. But, seriously, once a man gets past all the past trauma he can truly be confident and leave all that junk behind. Let's just put it this way. It took me getting past the extreme worst of times to gain the confidence I once had (after leaving the Coast Guard) back again. I won't say how bad, but think the worst, just in your mind. He will learn in time. Have faith and watch him grow. Assure him that whatever happened in the past will not happen again, if he is with you. Even if you don't know what that is or was. He may wonder how you know that lol

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  • I'd say it's different for every guy. It's very stereotypical for women to enjoy tall guys. Much like how men like fit women. I'm not saying this is true for every case but it's very common.
    I've been rejected by a few women because of my height. It's a very popular thing women want. Many women call it a deal breaker. Sounds to me he might have had it rough on his dating life, leading to insecurity to his height.
    If I were you I'd bring it up when you have time. He might actually open up to you about it and bond to you about his experiences. Talk with him and show him you'll be there to listen to him. That would actually mean THE WORLD to him and I bet he'd love you twice as more as he did before.

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    • I've talked to him a lot about it, because I'm really short and he's perfectly proportional to me...
      He's very obsessed with fitness and looks, but he's never really happy about himself on a deeper level... I make jokes about us being the minions and that I love him so much the way he is. All the hottest guys I've been with were short, I thank the picky taller ladies for making these options available to me :D

    • sometimes i tell him i wish he was shorter, like 4 ft, so that girls would stop hitting on him... lol

    • Jokes are cool and all. What I mean by 'bonding' is a much deeper level. No laughs, no smiles, etc. Bonding is being very serious with emotions. When you bond with someone, look into their deep emotions by using words. I normally do this on a quiet evening.
      If you want to know the EXACT reason for why he is the way his is, you need to dig into him on a deeper level than making him laugh. It's like having a talk where you and he will remember for a long time.

  • Being a 5'4 will definitely give any guy self-esteem issues.. Cause a hell lot of girls want 6 and above... Like they don't even consider guys below 6 feet... Even if they are like 5'3 or short...

    Also a guy with a short height would feel intimidated by guys who are 6 feet add they will get many girls...

    So that's why being a short guy is a curse...

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    • but he's so attractive... I don't understand how he thinks I would leave him based on that since I'm 4 inches shorter :P

    • hmmmm just his insecurity... make him feel like you really like him and give him love and he will feel secure

  • I'm 5'6... still short. Definitely get rejections based upon height and the more rejections the more the self esteem can get hit. But My self esteem is sound... its more about getting yourself to a place where you like yourself and undo any bad programming than height.

    Very insecure you'll leave... makes me think he's lost loves. I say go into counseling with him or he needs to get counseling to resolve his fears before he "shades" this relationship and loses you!

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  • I could see it affecting a guy's confidence when he still has to buy his clothes in the Boy's department, lol

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    • but so do I! ;D I think it's cute we're both so small and proportional to each other (I also like big guys, but short are proportional to me and that's also good)

  • being short is another one of those male hangs ups (like having a small dick, losing your hair..). If I were you I wouldn't make too much of a big deal out of it.. if you want to make him feel good; feign a crush on "shorter" celebrities and/or athletes without mentioning their height, from time to time make comments that may subtly suggest "shorter men" are "better" "more attractive" whatever you can conjure up. Don't be obvious but be sure you give him plenty of compliments, guys need those too. :)

    Lastly, a question if I may dare: how big is your boyfriends dick? is he well endowed/hung? I may have more depending on your answer..

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    • I think his dick is perfect... 16 cm... 6.2 inches I guess. As I told, I'm petite, so bigger than that hurts... depending on the phase of the menstrual cycle it may hurt a bit with him. I absolutely adore his penis :P he's the first guy I've had vaginal orgasms with!!

    • awesome..

  • Yes. Being short affects a man's self esteem very much. As a matter of fact, studies have shown that it is SPECIFICALLY the guy's relative height in HIGH SCHOOL that has the strongest effect.

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  • Depends on his past experiences with dating and or being bullied. It could be a lot.

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  • Id say next to penis size height is the biggest thin that men are insecure about, then its muscle. Just my opinion.

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    • i feel insecure about nothing apart from my face and then a bit about my height, muscle is the most overrated thing and so is dick size if ur over 4'' no matter what peope say

    • @vnmcissanenow I said men, not ALL men, haha.

  • Being insecure never makes any sense - it's just that some people can't help it... Every single guy friend who's short that I know has issues about it!!

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  • A lot. They don't call it a short man's complex for nothing.

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  • So the only way height doesn't play a factor is if the guys good looking?
    It must be true cause I'm 5'11 and women ignore me. And you sound
    a little narcissistic to be honest. Go ahead with the I'm bitter posts
    cause I know its coming.

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    • Be honest does he have money? If you don't respond then that means I found
      my answer.

    • too sleepy for bitterness. no, he has no money. he's "just" intelligent, bright, creative, charming, handsome. Maybe your problem is not height but character... you could work on that easily if you wanted, though.

    • I knew you were gonna give me the he has no money excuse. Come on
      I don't buy that. Why should I? I'm not good looking, my height is either to
      short or to tall not that it would matter cause its all about looks.

  • I was shorter than I am now when I was like 8 years old. It never bothered me.

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    • what the fuck does that mean what u said

    • @vnmcissanenow It means all males were short one time. When I was a short male I was not bothered by it. I'm 6'3" now and fine with it just as I was happy at the height when I was 8. It's not the height that hurts the man, it's the man that hurts himself because he's seeking attention and approval from others, rather than looking within to become a stronger man.

  • I don't know. I'm 5'7 is that short? If it is, I have no problem with my height whatsoever and he shouldn't as well. Everyone is unique and different. He is his own and it's just something you gotta accept otherwise it'll be a drag to live with.

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    • you wouldn't be short here, he's 5'4. He deals with it, but deep down there is some insecurity that has not been erased...

  • i'm 5'11 and i feel short in today's date because there are even girls taller than me all the time. Also i compare with siddharth malhotra and he is 6'1'' so i feel even worse

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  • pains goes as you get older.

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  • it limits his options in the dating service which made him insecure.

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  • he will act cool and sometimes, short guys, over-do it

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