Guys, is he interested or not?

So after ending my long term relationship (because ex-bf cheated) I started going out with a guy that I already went to college with and who was already interested in me back then. We had a really great time together and went on about 4 dates within a week (clicked emotionally&physically). He always wrote me stuff like "I was thinking about you all day", "You are so beautiful" etc. He had just started a new job (crazy working hours), plays in a national team and therefore has to go to practice and gym every night... besides that lots of stuff happened in his family (hospital, accidents etc) and I had to leave town for a week... that's why we did not manage to see each other for 3 weeks. But we kept writing messages... sometimes he started the conversation, sometimes me. But his writing got different, not that sweet anymore. It was more "casual" like "how are you?" "what are your plans for the weekend?" etc. Last Sunday we finally managed to meet up... first hung out at my place and then went to the movies. He was treating me like his girlfriend (taking my hand, hugging me etc). Afterwards I invited him up and we made out. I had made him a gift (I am from Germany and he wants to lear German, so a little "care pack" with stuff from Germany, plus some vocabulary). He was really happy about it and said thank you various times. He is making plans for going on vacation together in July, says he is looking forward to showing me his apartment in October etc. When we are writing now it is just "basic stuff" but when we see each other he tells me a lot about his life, his family etc. Everything is good so far, the only thing that is throwing me off is him not writing sweet stuff anymore. Do you think he is interested or not? I was thinking about bringing up the topic (what this is for him) but on the other hand I feel that it is way to early. I am wondering if the is writing/seeing other girls as well. Well I would really appreciate your insights and opinions!!! Thanks


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Of course he is interested. In relationships like this, there are often phases. The first phase is the "honeymoon" phase where everything is perfect and he is super sweet because he wants to try to "get" you (not saying it like you are property or anything, I just don't know how else to put it. ) However it seems like he is out of that phase and now he likes being with you so much that just saying things when you aren't in person isn't enough for him and he assumes it is the same way. He needs to physically be with you to get the happiness he used to get just from texting you because now that he has spent time with you, he knows how good that feels. This is not a sign that he likes you any less, but actually indicates that he is falling into a whole new level of love. Also, that German care pack was a super cute idea :)

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    • Thanks ;) He seemed happy about it and did not expect so much stuff :) Thanks for sharing your opinion and I also get what you are saying. The only thing is that we went on our first date around march 8th, then he was that "sweet" for about 10 days and then we "already" got to the "normal" stage... isn't that a bit quick? As I mentioned he also said that he already liked me 6 years ago and we casually wrote on FB and he kind of ALWAYS asked if I am still happy with my boyfriend etc. I kind of had the feeling that for him it was more about getting me than really wanting to be with me. Don't you think so? Or can I also imply that his busy live just makes him write "less" cute stuff. He ALWAYS answers when I write him and also starts to write me, but we just write way less. Before there was a little more teasing and joking around in the messages... now not anymore and I feel that is weird, no?

    • It is not at all about getting you more than wanting to be with you. Chances are, he felt like he had to work extra hard to get you. Now that you have a good relationship, he feels like his extra cute texts and messages are not as good because they don't compare at all to how it feels being with you physically in person.

    • Ok... when I saw him last Sunday he seemed really tired and powered out... so it really could be that therefore he just does not have that much energy. I met a friend of him on our first date but so far there was no effort in presenting me to anyone else... is this a bad sign? I had invited him to my sisters bday (she was in town for a week and he even said that he would want to get to know her), but it did not work out, since one day his sister got in an accident and the other day I don't know why he did not make it. I just do not really know on how to proceed with the relationship. The last week it was more me asking him out than the other way round. So maybe I should just wait&see if he wants to get together on the weeknd? He works out about 5 min from my place every Tuesday and Thursday but did not make an effort to see me then. I have to mention that he gets there straight from work at 10pm and gets out around 12.30... so I should not see it as weird that he goes straight home, right?

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's not too early to bring up the subject. As for him writing/seeing other girls, I'd be suspicious of that as well.

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    • So you think the next time I see him I should just ask what he is looking for in this relationship?

What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Girls Said 2

  • I think he is interested in you. Sometimes we are too busy to send long texts. If he keeps treating you right when you are together then there shouldn't be a problem.

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  • I think that maybe he just wanted to see how you were and didn't want to just flatter you (not that flattery and sweetness is a bad thing) but he wanted to see how you are doing, or maybe he just doesn't want to talk to you like that over the phone and likes the talking face to face better. One time that happened with my boyfriend and I just asked him (sort of casually, I'm kind of straight forward) and he told me just that.

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