Would you ever date someone that would put their career over you into their mid 30s?

Would you ever date someone that would put their career over you into their mid 30s?

Updates:
Just to give a little background, I'm asking that question about myself. I'm incredibly career oriented, but it's not all about the money. I love what I do and succeeding in what I do is a significant part of who I am. I also grew up poor and do not ever want my family to have to go through what myself and mother went through during my childhood.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No... because if I am investing in someone long term I am expecting the same in return. We can both put our careers forward and in front of us, however, if one of us wants to put our career first- then that should be a mutual feeling - where we both are putting our career as a priority and will still work together as a couple and accept that long hours, hard work, etc and little time for each other.

    However, if one person is very career oriented and the other isn't, that partner is likely to feel abandoned and will feel lonely... leading to 1) either demanding more attention therefore suffocating the career oriented partner or 2) the abandoned partner to cheat...
    Either way, it is a bad outcome so the best thing is to have both partners communicate and decide/agree on what the 2 of you want and the costs and sacrifices this means and both are willing to make as well as the consequences of the actions... because money and sex are the main factors in relationships and break ups. If both of you understand this and are willing to make it work and not give up, it can work. Otherwise, it is a doomed relationship and it best to stay single, alone and work towards your goals without any distractions.

    Personally, I would not date someone who puts their career first or over me. However, I understand that sometimes your career will come first. But not if it is everytime... Everything in life is about compromise... Maybe I am still too young and inexperience to have a say in this, but we prioritize and put first what is most important to us... whether it is a person, a job, an appointment, or other... And priorities show who is most important. If I am giving someone 200%, I expect 200% in return.
    If I am putting my career first, then I will search for someone who is also putting their career first.. Like understands like.

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What Girls Said 27

  • It depends how deep in the relationship we were. If we were just fooling around, I'd probably be able to deal with it. But that said, my ex (and yes we were 'serious') always put his job first, his friends second, his family third and me last - so if your priorities are not towards the person you're dating at all? Don't date.

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  • Yeah. Look, he's been working on his career for how many YEARS before I came into his life?

    I'm not going to let him ruin that time, energy, and effort for me. However, I'd expect him to allow me to do the same if need be.

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  • It depends. How important is their job? Are they making a significantly higher living in their field than I could attain? Are we working and living in the same place? Is there even a relationship happening before work issues like this would start? there's not much context in your question.

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    • How important is my job?
      In the grander scheme of things, probably not that important. I don't have a job that is particularly heroic nor am I trying to find a cure to cancer.

      Higher living?
      I would imagine so, if I get to where I want to career wise, I would be in the mid six figures.

      Working and living in the same place?
      Not yet

      Is there a relationship happening already?
      Nope, work is already a priority before I've met someone.

  • Hmm I don't know, I would hope I would be priority but I understand in order to have a functional life and relationship work does come in priority too, its just about balance really, my boyfriend works really hard and even sometimes I'll go to work with him and do my own thing just so we can spend that time together if we haven't spent much. If you're talking like if I really needed them and they chose work over that then no.

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  • I guess they would leave me. They would no longer care about me. My ex picked his career over me. Its sad but he wants to focus on school more. He was a great guy but to him career was more important.

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    • Not a very smart guy ;-)

    • Show All
    • Okay I can understand that.

    • @kavyareddy2 Yeah I tired to tell him I am fine! We are both young anyway! I wouldn't mind him only talking to me when he free but he won't have it. I sometimes wonder if I did something wrong. ): ): I think its a sign... that I can't have a relationship ever.

  • Yes. I'm dating a guy who's career orientated and I don't have an issue with it because I'm also career orientated. He also lives about 1 hour away from me. Honestly, we make it work. We see one another 2-3 times a month on weekends and when we do see eachother, it's the best ever. We FaceTime and talk to one another on the phone everyday. It's not a day that goes by that we don't speak. It works for us. One day I want to marry this guy, but for now, we're both busy people. I don't see myself with anybody else. You can make it work too.

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  • It wouldn't bother me as long we were both still priorities in one another's lives. It's normal to have multiple priorities in this stage of life.

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  • This is my dream as men forever place me as number one and I HATE it.

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  • I'd be okay with it because I'm career orientated as well and don't plan on having a family. In fact, I want to be with someone like that.

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  • I am an ambitious and hardworking person so If we make an agreement and we say that we focus on career which means less hangout time and late work nights then am down.

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  • yeah I would, because I would also be focusing on my own career. i'm easily task influenced and if someone could spend a few time off their career and if I could have the chance to go outside on a date in our mid 30s, i'd actually be really happy

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  • Nope.

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  • Only If there's no double standard and I can do the exact same thing.

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  • No because there are more important things and I would want someone who valued that as well. It's not bad at all to out career first but it's just I have different values

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  • Well I hope not if I ever meant something to him. I hope he wouldn't choose his career over me if I was important to him just as I wouldn't choose my career over him

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  • Why do you have to choose one over the other? Why can't we both be successful in our careers and push forward while still keeping a healthy, strong and loving relationship?

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  • no. my sister did this and it did not work out well at all. Her boyfriend was always waiting on his career to take off and putting her second. He kept letting her down and in the end, he failed and broke her heart. A person who really loves you puts you first, and their career second. Especially in their mid thirties. Its time to settle down already

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  • Yes. As long as they made room for me I'd understand because I am th same

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  • Nope.
    :p

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  • Sure I would. I really want to be with someone who is career oriented.

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  • I'd give it a try. I want him to be successful but I also want to spend a little time with him.

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  • Nope

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  • no I need to have some attention its what I crave I need to feel loved and not ignored

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  • Over me? It is ok if he love career. But I think family should come first.

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  • I'm married to that right now

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  • No. Never.

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  • No, I would not.

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What Guys Said 19

  • Been there, done that. No T-shirt or mug... Don't do it!!

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  • I am a truck driver, long haul, over the road. Just to say this forst, I am not one that is stereotypical, I care about my health, my appearance, and also care about others. I have to state that my job comes first, if it did not I would lose it in a hot second. So if someone I am dating can not handle that, then they are not right for me. I would rather have someone who loves me for me, and that includes my passions, my job, and if it were to be that they want to make me quit driving or get a huge pay cut just to see them more, then no, I would rather lose them. Jobs are hard enough to find, let alone pay well, if you find it, you have to do what you can to keep it, unless you hate the job, though if the pay is good, you should keep it. Jobs can replace their employees at will, but love can not, you love someone, you will love them even through their job.

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  • I don't know i mean I've actually been with someone who was similar in that aspect but it was school related and she was kind of obsessed with it, and it didn't feel great always coming in second all the time. I would say probably not I don't have any interest in going through that again.

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  • Love doesn't pay the bills. Career and money and first!

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  • Any mug that puts a life of slavery for a firm that couldn't give a fuck if they live or die over people is an idiot in my books. Fuck money

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  • My career fed the family etc. so my wife moved from state to state, job to job with me through my early 30s. She moved far from her family. I wouldn't say that career came over evenything as I spent weekends and mist nights at home. I did travel internationally for a while which was at one time every month for a week or two. She did well with it and we have a close family.

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  • I don't think so, no. What would I be to them?

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  • No, because women should have have babies during their 20s and early 30s. That is a fact of biology.
    I have known several career women, who after the age of 40 were still single and cried themselves to sleep almost every night.

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  • If yes, then it's not with romantic purposes. Yet, if it's just a hook up, I'm not sure why I'd be going through so much effort in the first place. It's weird. Have to say no.

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  • Working for success. Is the same. As working for happiness. But in both cases. Work does not need to be done.

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  • I think I would love a gal like that. I love my job too

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  • I dated a girl once who was a doctor, i knew her since college days and dated for a long time.

    As her work started and her times became really busy i would end up seeing her like maybe 4 times a week for a few hours, eventually my love disappeared for her. I tried to be there for her but it always felt like i was second, so i moved on

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  • Yeah that means for space for me while still having a girlfriend I get best of both worlds.

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  • Your question is why i didn't get serious with any one until i had all of that lined up. Like you i grew up poor, and spent times in my early life homeless. I will not visit that kind of thing on my family, Ever.

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  • Career is just vanity

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    • What if I am career oriented because I legitimately love what I do?

    • Things need to be in balance i think

      by the way what do you do?

    • I am a data analyst that uses data to predict when manufacturing equipment is going to fail.

  • Nope.

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  • Only if she really loves her job. If it's about the money, then that's a big turn off

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  • I would be so old by my mid 30s that who would give a fuck even if I was a millionaire, right?

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  • no never

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