Hi, I know this is going to receive a lot of judgment, but it’s a question I have to ask. I recently got into a relationship with a guy that wasn’t my usual type after he relentlessly pursued me and showed me love and affection like no other guy did. At first it was overbearing, but he was incredibly romantic, patient, and thought that I was literally perfect. I never had that before, and with some prompting from friends and loved ones (who saw him as the perfect guy) I asked him out and we began dating.
He’s great, don’t get me wrong. He’s patient, he’s down to earth, and he constantly compliments me and tells me how much he cares about me. But, there’s one problem; when it comes to being physical with him, it doesn’t feel … right.
He’s inexperienced and awkward, so that makes intimacy even worse, but even when he finds the guts to make a move, I always pull back because it feels so uncomfortable. Even making out with him I seem to have to force it, which I’ve never had to do before. The few times we’ve tried to be sexual he did nothing for me, no matter how hard he tried. It just felt uncomfortable and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. We are basically intimate for his satisfaction, not my own, though I haven’t told him this.
What confuses me is I love him to death; I miss him when he’s gone, I love being close to him, cuddling him, and spending time with him and having a relationship with him … but when it comes to sex, I’ve never felt so incapable of being physical with a guy before. I should say also that he isn’t unattractive at all.
I’m so confused because I’ve been sexually attracted to every other guy I’ve been with, except him. What the honest fuck is wrong with me?
Most Helpful Guy
If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. The question should not be "what is wrong with me?" because there is nothing wrong with you. The question should be "what can I learn about myself from this?"
He looks like a great guy, and it's too bad you're confused. I'm sure there are lots of people telling you to break it off, but it looks as though you do have some genuine feeling for him and you see him as valuable, so I would advise you NOT to break it off. Instead, tell him he's wonderful and be specific: tell him the things about him that add value. Then say there is a sexual problem. Offer to teach him and see if he listens.
If he gets all butthurt and isn't open to change, your relationship is in trouble. If he is open to your concerns and willing to work on them, give him a chance. Nobody is perfect, but we do have an uncanny ability to adapt.
The other trouble sign might be if you find someone else and feel compelled to cheat. If something like that happens, be sensitive to your current guy. HE didn't do anything wrong (did he?). Don't cheat on him, it might destroy him for the next girl (s). Break it off, and be nice about it.
If you teach him some great sexual technique in the meantime, then you're training him for a great life that the next girl (s) will/should be grateful for!
Keep it positive. Good luck! :)1
Most Helpful Girl
Please don't listen to all the people who are telling you to break up with him. I'm not saying that's not an option you should consider, BUT if I were you I certainly wouldn't be in a hurry to do so. Generally, women can develop attraction to a man as long as he's fulfilling her emotional needs. Men tend to NEED that element of physical/sexual attraction to fall head over heels for a girl---women, not so much.
Most women would inherently be MUCH happier with an average guy that treats her special than a hot charming guy who doesn't, yet what do many do? Keep the average guy who'd give her the world as a friend, then wonder why they're unhappy or insecure in their relationships.
I strongly suggest you give it time and allow your feelings for him to continue to develop. You mentioned you'd never had a guy treat you the way this guy does before---that's because it's very hard to come by. Most guys just fall head over heels for one girl, and view the rest as okay options. And what it seems like many women fail to realize is that there's NOTHING you can do to make yourself that "one girl" for a guy---you just have to wait until you come across one who happens to feel that way about you, and one the dumbest decisions you can make is to let that one go.2