Dating Website and My Boyfriend

I was over at my boyfriends house the other day and we were on his computer. I wanted to pick on him so I typed p in the search to see what porn he looked at. I have no problem with that since he is a guy. But I found pop up. I asked him what it was and he said it was just a site. So I clicked on it to see what it was, and found out it was a dating website. I asked him why he was looking at it and he said he just wanted to see how desperate people were. I saw he had an account because the name was saved. He then said he did it to help out his friend. So I asked to see his profile and he said no sign up for one...This bugged me. We got off his computer and he took a shower, while he was in the shower I got onto my computer and went looking for his account. I found it, it was all about him and what he was like. He got out of the shower, I asked again and he said no and that it was just talking about his friend. I told him I saw it and there was nothing about his friend. Then he's like alright I'll show you it, but since his house was having internet issues we couldn't get on it. So I told him to show me later, we went on with the rest of the day and I didn't think of it so I'd have a good day. Later on we got back home and I asked him to show me and he said it was stupid and wasn't going to show me. I stopped talking to him for awhile then we finally started talking. I asked him why he did it and he finally came up with a different anwser, that he wanted to see if there was any other girls that would still be interested in him but he wasn't cheating on me. We talked about it and I asked him questions like "are you not happy with me" (he said he was) and "am I not good enough for you to just be happy with" (he said I was) He said he wants to be with me and loves me more than anything and I love him too but I don't know what to do. Is it possible that he was just seeing if there'd be someone still into him or is it something more?

We've been dating over 2 1/2 years
It's official my boyfriend is a complete d-bag! Not only did he register for plentyoffish, but also and who knows what else...i am in complete shock right now...any advice to help would be great!
also dumping him is taken for granted!
i pulled an April fools joke -before I found everything out- about how I might be pregnant...think I should keep going with it to f*** with him some more?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Relationships are all about trust in the first place - business, personal,'s all trust first.

    So the question is: do you want to trust this guy? if yes, then just do and get over this thing. If you have other things to make him trust less, then this could just be that little too much to take.

    One time, my girlfriend then and I were walking in a mall, and suddenly I heard a "Wow" slipped from her mouth - she saw this really handsome guy (I'm not the ugliest in the world, but this guy really was something :-p ). It struck me that at first I was taken aback from my own (jealous?) reaction, even though I knew it was meaningless, that one second of awkward feeling was there. What I'm trying to say is: there's ALWAYS better out there, as there is worse..if you really look hard, you'll always find something in anyone which you don't like, but in the end it is up to you which meaning you give to it. Is it a big deal? Not if you make it one. Honestly, if it would be a big deal, there would be other signs from him which are much more obivous. So yes, it's a bit immature for him to check who would like him on a dating site...ever heard of people googling themselves..? it's this kind of ("male") pride, all healthy men suffer from it. It's the "idea of" which makes us feel better of ourselves. I agree with you he shouldn't be lying so much about it - but yea it is quite embarrassing.. I wonder how many guys would openly admit they're watching porn even if their girl says she's open-minded about it (or vice versa!)

    Seeing at the length of your relationship, he's not the heartbreaker give him some slack please :-)

    • I openly tell every girlfriend of mine I watch porn. If they have a problem with it, either they must deal with it or move on. If they enjoy it and want to watch together that's extremely welcomed. If they don't mind me watching and don't want to watch, I will respect their opinion and won't make it an issue. But, what I won't do is change myself and what I enjoy for anyone, just to make them feel better about themselves. You wondered, I felt I had to mention it.

    • Show All
    • If a girl can't accept that you watch porn then she has insecurities. and if you have to explain why you watch it, then obviously she doesn't understand guys very well...basically all men and a lot of women like to watch porn.There's nothing wrong with it unless of course you watch it 24/7.

    • Nice answer bro.Nice really nice.

What Guys Said 15

  • Yeah, I wouldn't be too concerned. It was silly of him to make up the story about helping his friend, but it seems pretty innocent. I am in a relationship with a girl I really like but have a profile on I am just curious at what score I will get and what matches will come up. It's more of an ego boost than anything else.

  • Short answer: I can't tell. Sure, it's possible he'd see if girls still like him, without the intention of cheating on you. It's not my style and it would be unfair to a girlfriend, but I can see a guy in a relationship doing that.

  • First of all, if you don't mind him looking at porn, have you actually told him this? Because if you had told him this, than perhaps "typing P" into his browser wouldn't have be a successful way of "picking" on him. Not to mention, why would you use that to "pick on him" in the first place? May-be you have self esteem issues? Did you want him to be like, "Oh no, you found my porn sites, you'll be mad at me now and I'll have to kiss your butt to make you forgive me."

    So... you find a dating site that he is registered on and find out he has a profile set up. So now you've opened up a can of worms that you weren't ready for huh? His reaction was natural. Cover it up instead of explain it. Either way, chances are, you won't believe either truth or false. Then he had time to think of a better way to explain it.

    It could very well be that he "wanted to see if other girls would like him". Perhaps he "might" feel that you don't like him enough. Perhaps you should ask yourself, "Am I happy with him?" and "Is he good enough for me?". ALSO "Do I make him feel like I love him and want to be with him?" Because I speak from experience and if I feel that a woman is really into me and I'm really into her, I'm not going to be on a dating website trying to "find out if other girls would be interested in me." Actually I know for a fact that a lot of girls are interested in me. So if I'm using a dating website it's to meet someone or find someone to date. So, perhaps he has low self esteem also if he really was on a dating site to see if other girls would like him?

    Just my honest opinions.

    • I do not care that he watches porn, (I watch as well sometimes) and he tells me he watches it. He knows this and yes it was to pick on him a little bit. I am overall confident with myself but like most girls I do have self esteem issues, not very many tho. After talking to him a lot about it, I kind of understand yet somethings are still weird. He knows clearly how I feel about him. We are talking and figuring everything out and I believe him and I know that he is not cheating on me.

    • What's to figure out? He was registered on a dating site "because he wanted to see if other girls would like him." There really isn't anything wrong with that. regardless of the fact that he currently has a girlfriend, he's still a man and entitled to get attention from other girls. Just as women pretty themselves up everyday and get attention from other men. Knowing how someone feels about you and feeling it are two different things. Good Luck.

  • First off, like I always say, a mans phone, email, and computer is his business. That is "Pandora's Box," what do girls expect to find while their snooping around; Jenny Craig's hot-line?

    Second off, he may have been telling you the truth. The way you say it happened sounds more as if their wasn't a real argument. That he really felt like it was stupid; it's like your mom catching you with porn. Him not trying to hide it, allowing you to get as far as seeing that he has a profile and not hit "Shut Down" must mean he felt like he didn't have much to hide. I'm saying, it's a dating site, he didn't go hook-up with Alecia the next morning, he may have flirted a bit.

    No, HELL NO, he made the site, he must of flirted a bit. But he may have a heart for you. I'm saying, he probably wanted to know if he could still swim after such long years. Or if he was just getting old too fast. My friend does the samething in his own way. He looks at other females, he talks about how good they look, but he never refers to them the say way he does with his girlfriend. They aren't "Amazing," their "Cute."

    Question though, and this will hopefully answer yours more directly. Was that the first time you accessed his computer, on his username? Because if I knew my girlfriend was "snoop" and liked to go threw my electronics, I would delete my history.

    • I believe he was telling me the truth about the website in the end. We've talked more about it and everything and I'm over it. It hurts that he lied about some of the stuff to start off with but I trust him and know he's not cheating on me. and no I've been on his computer multiple times to use it when we lived together but never snooped. When this happened we were on the computer together.

    • Well, there, you have your answer. Wish you all the best.

  • Sometimes a guy feels the need to "hunt". Most men will eat the captured. If your man is a hunter, you might need to reconcile yourself to that, or dump him and find a farmer.

    Good Luck,


  • We'll now you know. Best to get out of the relationships while you can. Glad you didn't waste anymore time with this idiot.

  • Wow that's trick. Seems he was getting a little sidetracked and thought about life without you for a second. He wanted to see if he still could attract girls. Honestly, this is natural. To a certain extent. But when you start making online profiles and actually conversing with other girls besides your own girlfriend, then you got trouble.

    Seems he backed away before he could loose you for good. The point is, do you still want him? Knowing he, for a second, wanted to see what it was like without you? I'd say you should put your foot down and tell him you deserve better. That ought to wake him up and realize what he has.

  • well ur boyfriend is not intrested in any other gal but he is intrested in others gals bodies...guys go to dese sites for gals bodies...i hope you get what I mean to say

  • Don't you just love being a kid?

  • he sounds classy, if you ever want another guy, msg me ;)

  • ya that is a little odd but I do admit I wonder if I'm still attractive to other girls all the time. its reassuring if other girls think your good looking your girlfriend probably does do. of course she is going to say she is cus you're together and in love but you still get curious and want to know. I wish the best for you too

  • hmm I don't know maybe if he was willing to show you it it would be alittle better but I don't like how he is saying he is looking for girls... he may just want attention or something, my girlfriend likes to call a phone sex line just cause she likes talking to people on it so I kinda know what ya mean but I don't mind it

  • He could be bored and just seeing if he has it and what he can get, attention etc or he could be cheating on you...

  • I can't say this is unexpected if he hasn't dated much before you. Basically, he's not unhappy with you, but he's got a case of wondering if the "grass is greener on the other side" because he hasn't had much experience to compare. So he's naturally wondering what other girls are like, if others would find him attractive, how much things would differ dating someone else, etc.

    Will he actually pursue something/someone if given the opportunity? That's hard to answer, although it's quite possible.

    Also, these kinds of doubts/curiosity don't usually just go away on their own. I'd be concerned if I were you about how ready he is to commit to you for the rest of your life.


What Girls Said 19

  • i've been in a recent arguement with my boyfriend as well. I found out he had a dating webpage and he said it was really old and just because he was sneaking on me (we met on this site and found out we live 20 minutes away..yay internet). I didn't take the internet dating website seriously at all, he just randomly contacted me and I was astonished at how such a good looking guy would be on one of those sites. we would go into chatrooms and harass people because we're just so mature, and he says that why he kept making new pages. I finally told him how upset it made me, and I saw he didn't log in for a months but it still bothered me. I feel a lot of guys do this just so they can look at more women and flirt. he probably isn't doing anything, unless he's getting naked pictures. just trust him. that's all you have to do is trust. if he says he loves you, then he does. don't worry about it. tell him it upset you and maybe he'll delete his account. that's why my boyfriend did. trust me, if he's the right one for you there has to be a valid explanation.

  • are all you people on crack? no its not innocent. it will happen again too. I heard straight from a guys mouth who currently does the same thing as your boyfriend does...he said that if you forgive him once then he knows he can do it again and you will still be there for him. He wants to see what he can get away with. don't allow it...not once...not ever!

  • i hope you left this 'thing' and found someone worthy of you.

  • yeah...he's probably looking for additional female attention, something for his ego.

    do you trust him or did you have evidence he was solidly cheating? if I were in your position, that would be tough. yes I know what plenty of fish is but I've never been on those weird dating sites. right now, you don't know for sure. you'll just have to give him the benefit of a doubt but be vigilent, yes there is a probability he's seeing some or has seen another girl while with you.

  • Toying with someone's emotions about such a responsibility as having a child is lame. That's a really serious life changing situation. If you're going to dump him then do it. Don't make his life hell. 2 wrongs are not going to make him or you right in the end. I believe his curiosity about these sites got the best of him regardless of how many he solicited himself to. It is a way to obtain free porn and yes I too would be taken aback if I were in this situation. However, there is no doubt in my mind that toying with a guy - that only looked didn't touch - about being pregnant with his child is so immoral. That's not fair and in no way does it compare to him visiting personal sites in his private time. Like I said his curiosity got the best of him.

    Best Wishes


    • I was really p*ssed off when I wrote that. I told him the next time I talked to him that it was just a joke, I wasn't going to do that to him. Even though he hurt me a lot by doing that, I still love him more than anything. I know he does love me but at the same time it's hard to trust him.

    • I understand 100% where you're coming from. You feel that it is an intrusion on your relationship and you want it barred. Yet you have realized that it is his life and you have no control over his actions. You can only persuade him to remove himself from it because it makes you feel sort of pushed to the side. Trust me I understand. You need to tell him how you feel then you need to forget about this mess and try to trust him if you want it to work out. Overcoming this will make you stronger.

  • I totally understand how you feel, but I think it probably is fairly innocent. I think its kind of a combination of what Jake and anonymous both said... its probably a bit of an ego boost to see if he's attractive to other girls, even if he's not interested (like how married men sometimes flirt without any sort of motive other than to see if they are still desirable even if they truly have no intention of any kind of affair). I think its probably also that he is curious about other girls who could be interested in him. In the end though, he's been with you 2.5+ years... that tells me he loves you, not them. I really wouldn't worry about him cheating...I think its curiosity.

    He shouldn't have lied about it in the first place, but if he really is just curious then he probably was afraid of you taking in the wrong way (which you kind of did, understandably... anyone would). Let him know that if he's just curious, that's okay and he should be honest about it with you instead of hiding it, because that makes it more suspicious and it makes you worry.

  • Guys like to feel wanted and desired for. . .

    Simple as that.

    Maybe he was flirting with these girls.

    Idk if that makes you feel any better. . . Sorry. (-_-')

  • It's time to leave him alone. He's fishing for other girls on plentyoffish and he's also looking for random sex encounters. Thank God you caught on and keep it moving. There are diseases out there! You don't wan to become a statistic. I'm not just talking HIV either. There's Hep and Herpes, you know, the gifts that keep on giving. You don't need that in your life. Find someone else that's not whoring themselves on the internet.

  • wow...he is getting bored or something. It's normal, but him acting out and going online is scary. Everyone gets bored and curious, it could be innocent but BIG red light!

  • Dont Worry Bwt It I Fount some My Boyfriend Had Signed Up For it was The Same Reason As Yours For All I Know I'm Still With Him it May Just Be Nothing =]

  • Just let it slide like it was no big deal, he is probably just being a curious guy so he wants to see why other people get on dating sites anyway.

  • He lied to you. I don't care how long you two have been dating, he lied to you. For his friend? Wow, good cover up. If its for his friend he could of had the information at least about his friend and a picture of him. lol. He is not gonna show because he's lieing, and when he does show its cause he already deleted the messages in the sent box and the inbox. I met my boyfriend off of plenty of fish and since we've been together; I have never gone back to that site. No even to "just see how desperate people are".

    • My best friend met a guy just like your describing and he even gave her his password and email for the site and at first there wasn't any messages from girls when she'd check it and then he changed the password, and she figured out what he changed it to and he was sending and receiving messages from girls like crazy; he was telling all these other girls the same things he was saying to her. So why BS? Waste of time and life. You shouldn't have to be worried about that kinda stuff.

  • hes hiding something lol, I have one of those accounts but mines not for looking for dating its just to talk to other people when I'm bored lol

  • If I wore you, I would think twice about being with him. Weight the pros and cons. How can you trust a man who lies to you, its not worth being with.

  • I think that once you start checking your partners stuff (phone,computer,ect.) That maybe it is time to re-evaluate your relationship. Its either your getting a feeling that he was doing something behind your back that made you look, or your just not confident and trusting. Either way maybe you just need to take some time for yourself. And remember to not ask a question you may not like the answer to.

  • I'm in a similar situation. We met on and we've been dating just over a year. He says I'm his girlfriend and refers to me to his friends as such. He tells me he love me and we're very close. I recently received an email from cougarlife to reactivate or delete my I went on to delete my account I had a look at our initial messages to each other and saw he was listed as one of my favorites. I clicked on his profile and low and behold, it was active...with new pics, etc. I confronted him about it and he said that his cousin (whom could be an identical twin) was using the profile. I created a fake profile and have lured his "cousin" to the point of a meeting this Monday. I do and I don't want to show up for the meeting because if I see him and not his cousin, it's the end. I'm hurt but if I continue with eyes closed, I'll be hurt even more...agree?

  • It's really sad when guys do this. Like really. Why can't they just be happy with what they got. And you still check there sh*t and they still lie. Lol. My ex did it too. I just told him it was over. it was a bit pathetic of him . Talk to him serious. what he's doing is not right.

  • You actually believed him? Sorry, but I've seen this way too many times. He is not on there just to see if other girls will like him. He's on there to find someone to keep on the side, and you know it. Don't listen to these guys telling you it's normal or innocent. If he just wanted to look at naked girls, there are plenty of other websites for just looking. He went to a dating website. He isn't just looking. When caught in a lie, people will say anything to get out of trouble so they won't have to deal with drama. Dump him, and find a real man. Guys wonder why women snoop, but did they ever consider that they don't have the right to string us along?

  • I don't agree with those that are saying that this is innocent and not a big deal. I don't think it matters that he hasn't dated much before you or that he's just curious. It's not right...think about it if it was reverse. Would he be ok if you created a profile on a dating site? Probably not.

    He's been with you for so long, he's happy with you and he says that he loves you. If all those things are true, why he does need other girls to be attracted to him? I don't get that.

    I don't think you should break up with him over this or anything, but definitely get to the bottom of this. But if he's created a profile, then chances are he's also talking and flirting with these girls, and that's not ok.