Why does it seem guys aren't interested in "dating" anymore?

Just from what I've experienced and observed, it seems hard to get guys to ask girls to go on a formal "date" anymore. It seems hookups and hanging out seem to be more common. And what does it mean when a guy says he wants to "hangout" anyway? Please elaborate


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly I think it's because most guys don't feel good enough to ask women out. This is an age where people want the absolute best, especially in their future spouses. If you're ugly, and don't have an ideal body why would you approach women to begin with knowing the answer is most likely going to be a no? Marriage and divorce also carries with it a huge risk. I understand wanting a stable relationship and a family environment to raise children in, but divorce and alimony can ruin a man's life. Also, with dating apps and sites, sex has become much easier to find. Why risk randomly approaching women, when sex is just a few swipes and messages away on the internet?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah I've noticed that too. I'm single right now. I do get asked out on " dates" but I usually turn them down coz all they want to do is "hook up" I'm not into casual sex. That's not what I'm looking for.

    I guess I'm traditional. I love the idea of going on a proper date. Spending quality time together. Getting to know each other, and having fun and going to a variety of places on dates.

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What Guys Said 28

  • Because everyone is a swipe away from something easier, sad but people of both sexes don't really 'go after' anyone anymore because they have hundreds of people to choose from on their phones.

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  • I dont really feel motivated. I can't bring myself to care enough to put in the effort to ask a girl out, pay to take her on dates, try to be romantic, open up to her and wait over a month for sex knowing that she has probably sent nudes and had sex by the second or thjrd date with guys she barely knew who probably didn't even spend a dime on her or or put in even a fraction of the effort.

    Just kinda cheapens it to me to realize "gee I had to pay to take this girl on dates for months and emotionally open up to her for her to want to let me see her naked or have sex with me, yet strangers on tinder got her to send nude pictures and random guys she was dry humping with at clubs or parties got to sleep with her by the first date".

    I just think "well fuck, I wish I could get the same deal that she offered them. That sounds much better".

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  • Thats because sex is easier then a relationship and because things are completely up in the air, what is exceptable for one woman isn't for another. For example you pay for dinner and your a chauvanistic pig, you split the bill and your cheap asshole. This causes a lot of trepidation for men. Also the fact that most women have had one night stands and such makes men less willing to commit to that girl. She may be good for sex but not a relationship (obviously this is not applicable for all men and the number of partners is also dependent on the person). Then of course you look at divorce rates wich are initiated by women and it screws over the guys so their is minimal reason for them to progress to that point and can deter them all together. So the ease at which they acquire sex with fewer and fewer women who are relationship material combined with the complete removal of set rules for dating has made it hostile towards men. Why put forth all that effort when you can get the end result (sex) for free? @Bandit74 also made a good point as well. No one wants to be the sucker who is paying for something that was given away for free to others.

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  • A hang out is a non traditional date, more like just going out as friends nothing special. I'm more traditional, like taking a girl out on a proper date, and being a gentleman, a lot of guys simply want to hookup and not court a woman. I like the idea of pursuing a woman for a relationship rather than casual sex, I don't do it, I'm either in a relationship when I do or I don't. I like spending time getting to know a woman, doing fun silly things and going to see and do a lot of cool stuff together and creating fond memories. I do move fast when I find a woman that meets my standards and if I like her enough I will make time investments in her long term so she feels secure. I'm only looking for long term commitment, even if I start online, it has to go offline and have a goal for long term.

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  • well, you can't expect too many guys to approach women anymore when you've got some feminist camps labelling approaching as street harassment. Most are just afraid of being labelled as a creep or getting into trouble

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    • @Negrodamuss I always picture Dave Chappelle doing his Negrodamus voice whenever I read your opinions now. lol

    • @Northeast106 hahaha. You know back when i came up with this username, i had no idea dave chappelle already had beaten me to it. That dudes got talent :D

  • I have no idea, I have my theories, but I'm with you on this one.
    Classic date.

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  • everything's a factor.. primarily the era of instant gratification, and texting (impersonal socializing & social distancing)

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  • That's weird cause the women I meet are not interested in dating or getting serious, but have no qualms about hookups

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    • Hmm. Interesting. Where are you meeting these girls?

    • Mostly in Europe haha, people hardly get married here, and even if they do, they get divorced very quickly... America is no different given high state of divorce rates...

  • Because women make it too easy to just sleep around for both sexes. Many guys dont need to commit anymore to get what they want (= sex) and thus the only guys who will still date are those who actually want to commit and build an intimate relationship.

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  • Dating is dicey business to begin with... But folks prefer something even more dicey- online dating... I think people nowadays are too lazy and impatient to take the time and effort to properly get to know someone and persue proper relationships

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  • I'd say a gentleman would take you out on a formal date, and a typical teen would ask to "hang" or "chill". Get a guy who can do both ;)

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  • Because women made it almost impossible. One of the bad sides of feminism.

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  • For most, it's about a "short term thing."

    "Hangout" from anyone can mean anything. I'd ask.

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  • I mean, girls ask me to hangout. So, I do. I'd like to do formal stuff too... but, it never happens. Don't think it's my fault.

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    • What do you mean? I'm not sure I get what you're saying. Normal stuff?

    • I'm not the one who suggests whether we should "hangout" or not

  • It means sex. The primary objective is sex, and guys can now get it without a date.

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    • So do they skip over you if you won't have sex with them at first?

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    • I should add that he is a bartender. I already told him I don't hook up. He texted me and drove out to meet me. I did offer to go somewhere with him, but he said it was late. He commented about how beautiful and sexy I was.

    • Expect a hangout, not a formal date. A lot of people say "I don't do this, I don't do that", but it doesn't mean they actually won't when it comes to it.

  • All the stress and responsibility is on the guy. We are expected to make the first move, plan the date, etc etc etc. Then sometimes the littlest thing can end it just like that (the woman has all the say whether the date (s) continue or not) and I don't know about other guys, but I assume it's the same as me, I'm sick of it all honestly. I hate dating because of all of this and don't even try anymore. That's why guys just want hookups or hangouts. To reduce the stress as much as possible.

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  • This video may shed some light on the situation.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwPFnvniA7w

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  • For me, it's just not something I want to do. I like my life the way it is and I love being single. I love simplicity and girls complicate things. I have an opportunity to date someone but I am not logically convinced to go for her or any girl in general. It's logically smart to be single.

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  • The dating game has changed. We're still into dating, but it's not like back in the day.

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  • Maybe the guys have had bad experiences with formal dating and are smart enough not to repeat the same mistakes again.

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  • Change in society. Communication is a lot of time over text, email and such. "Hanging out" could simply be dinner and a movie at home. Just spend time together. Over the years, I've seen this change.

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  • 'Cuz you don't hang out with real dudes

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  • It's because women are making it harder for guys and too many females are choosing to become lesbians.

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  • It's because our civilisation is declining. Free sex and no rules is what's hip today.

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  • For me, I'd love to "date" girls for a long-term relationship opposed to a hookup, you know have coffee, go to the movies, do some exciting "dating" activities but it's hard to know if the girl is interested.

    It's a first move where I stump on because I don't if the girl is interested or if I'm going to get rejected for a date.

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  • Personally it's more of a terminology issue. "Date" implies a level of formality and rigidity regarding the structure of said date. "Hangout" is more of a relaxed term that encourages both parties to be themselves and have fun rather than being focused on the technicalities

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  • Dating sucks to be honest, it might be fun for women but for men it's not fun

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  • A few reasons for different guys.

    Some always preferred just sex so now they can get it.

    Others want sex and more. But guys need to test potential partners for high sexual interest. If most girls won't hook up, you date and hope. The more girls that hook up, the more the remaining girls who want to date but won't hook up are either not -that- attracted to you or are low sex drive.

    It's safer for guys to hookup and then consider turning it into a relationship.

    I didn't do that years ago when single, but would if single now

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What Girls Said 3

  • i know ): Its like this. In real life men don't ask girls out unless your special or something. And a girl won't date a stranger unless she knows him. But now with apps its all about sex or internet dating. It sucks both because when your looking for a long term relationship there isn't any on to date. No one looking for a long term relationship will be on an app thb thats just rare. So those guys you can't reach are off the map out there in the real world. Chance are you won't bump into one of them unless they gather at some party. So it isn't that they aren't dating anymore they just aren't easy to find and than the few that are aren't as attractive as the guys you could fuck.

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  • Yeah nobody ever wants to date me. I think it's more to do with me and nobody wanting anything serious with me or seeing me as anyone worth taking out than to do with guys not wanting to date anymore. Lots of my friends get dates.

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  • Not the case in MY life.

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