Why do I feel insecure about casual sex?

When I hear about a girl, who likes/wants/is have casual sex... I feel very insecure and hurt inside... ( I don't know if insecure is the correct feeling, but it's the closest way I can describe it)
(But for some reason, if she has a boyfriend I don't care, non-casual)

I have nothing against the girl seeking sex, but for some reason I feel hurt and insecure...

This might because I am a virgin, I am jealous how easy it is for women to get sex, and also my crush has slept with other guys and it hurts thinking of her with other guys...

I just don't want to feel this way,

I was listening to a story of a girl who was cheated on, and how she hooked up with "a lot!" of guys to fill the void.

Just something about the "A lot" made me feel very insecure. This hot girl may have hooked up with 3?5?10? guys? What is a lot in a week?

And I am not even at one in my 24 years on this earth :-(

I am not sure what the solution is, it's not easy for myself to get a girlfriend or sex, all I hear about is sex...

I need to stop feeling this way, can you help with your opinions?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like you have more of a traditional mindset/moral in this situation. Some girls aren't that traditional anymore. You just have to venture out and find that kindred spirit

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think this is due to how society sees virgin men. Apparently, a man shouldn't be a virgin, especially when he's 24. Society laughs at men like that. Girls don't like virgin men, unless these girls are religious. So knowing that society doesn't like you because you're a virgin, is something that subconsciously is making you feel bad.
    That's why you feel insecure when you hear about girls having casual sex, because you automatically think that since they're not virgins, they won't want you, because you ARE a virgin.
    So that "insecure" feeling is also a feeling of "undesirability".

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    • You just blew my mind man...

      This is true!

      Yes! I feel undesired already, and hearing about girls having sex just makes it a lot worse for me because they are having sex with not me, and it's pushing me further into being undesirable.

What Girls Said 5

  • The thing is nowadays with the younger generation is that a lot of people don't think people want relationships these days so they resort to FWB/Casual relationships rather than bf/gf relationships, or they get afraid of commitment and getting hurt because like I said serious relationships aren't as common in this generation sadly.

    I don't know what is meant by "a lot" of guys, it can be different for everyone, could be 3, could be 10, everyone has a different perspective of "a lot". I don't know any girl who hooks up with different guys every week at all though, even different guys every month is pretty uncommon among the people in my age that I know. Doesn't matter anyhow, their body, their business.

    If you're insecure about not having had sex yet at 24, seriously don't be. Not having had sex isn't as big of a deal as people make it out to be at all. You're worrying about something completely pointless, and there's hell of a lot of people out there your age who hasn't lost it yet either.

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    • This really sucks, I am a bit old school as I always though you should seriously date one girl and build a strong relationship, and I also feel bad because I am not building a relationship with anyone. If I am 30, and a virgin, I would also want a girl who is a virgin to marry, and I am not sure that will happen?

      This might be why I feel like I need casual sex, and am just frustrated that it's not really for me?

      She said "A lot in one week", I am not sure how many guys a girl can hook up with in one week but the way she said a lot...

      What if I do meet a girl, and she does say she has had a lot of partners, I would feel very insecure around her and might feel jealous?

      But what is a girl with experience going to think about a 24 year old virgin? If she wants a boyfriend she might let it slide but to hook up? I doubt it...

  • I think you need to realise that women or men having sex with other people, actually doesn't affect you in any way. I know it can feel like it does, especially if you place some kind of value on how little people you like have had sex but it's their body. The only body you need to care about is yours.

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    • I want to experience it, and it really hurts when the girl I was crushing on, I found out she had sex with other guys... and did not want me...

      It really hurt, I wanted her body... I will never get it :-(

      I have no sex in my life, and I here about so many people having so much sex...

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    • Okay, that might be really cool... I will post the text here...

      I learned a lot from Ok Cupid,

      When I launch POF I will ask for help :-)

      But I think I am going to take a break from online dating for a while.

    • I know how you feel. I'm not dating anymore myself, so it's good to take a break sometimes :)

  • Yea we get sex easy but we get used a lot so it's not all good.

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  • Because you lack confidence in your own abilities.

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    • Yes, I have never been intimate with a girl...

      So it's hard to get practice when a girl wants someone with experience... and I can't get a girlfriend...

  • That's just who you are. It's not for everyone

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    • Honestly, I have a fear that when I do get to my later 20s, or 30s...

      I will be with a girl who has had experience with multiple partners and knows what it is like, and I don't want to be insecure in a marriage...

      I am in my young 20s, and I feel like this is the only chance I will get for sex and it's just not happening...

      But I do know it's not for me too, I hate drinking, I hate clubbing, I hate party girls, I like shy girls and talking to them... but just everyone hates me...

What Guys Said 5

  • I think those insecurities that you have inside you are caused by the media, that you have to have a perfect body, you have to have a six-pack in order to attract girls, if you gained a few pounds, it's all over for you, you need to use products to further groom yourself to the other genders likening.

    Just like you feel under pressure about those things, the same way the females feel under pressure as well, they think they need to look like a model in order to get a guy of their dreams, media has set standards for them, what a MAN these days would be.

    Sadly many people have been caught into it and they only make themselves miserable by placing over the top expectations from others, they are not satisfied with what they have, they are always looking for more, once everyone puts the material things aside and embrace themselves for who we are, thats when we would be content with ourselves and the content we feel with ourselves, the more our partner would feel safe & secure with us.

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    • Yes, I feel like I have to be the perfect guy to get a girl...

      And it really sucks because competition is so high , why would a girl choose me when there is always a better guy chasing her?

      I just don't understand how to get a girl I guess, I never learned...

  • Either hold out for a girl like you who hasn't had casual sex or entertain the idea of becoming like them and having casual sex to "catch up" to the women in your dating pool. If you're like me I think part of it is you dislike the idea of a girl being your first and only when you're one of many men she has hooked up with.

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    • I am scared they won't be a girl like me when I am 30 or whatever...

      I don't mind right now if a girl has had other partners, but I wouldn't want to marry a girl who has had experience and I have never...

  • Here's a controversial opinion in relation to the rest of GAG. Lots of us guys hear about players, etc etc so the idea of casual sex seems so, what's the word. Undesirable? Nefarious? ya, let's go with nefarious! Like the bad guy using the girl for his evil, lustful desires.

    That's not how it works in the real world always... many girls WANT to be fucked lol. Many girls WANT casual sex along with, or even before a relationship. Many girls WANT to be dominated. Nothing wrong with that.

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    • I understand that, girls like sex too...

      But why does the idea of casual sex bug me? I am a virgin, is it because I have never got laid before? Is it because it's so easy for others to get sex, and very difficult for myself?

      I just hate how it bugs me so much...

    • I would assume it bugs you for similar reasons it used to bug me (not implying I sleep around however), because often times society teaches that guys can be you know, that player bad guy just manipulating girls into bed.

  • you probably don't have the preferred dick size of many chicks making you fell that way there is no cure only swift death can uplift you from your shackle

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    • Should always be careful with the suicide stuff, you never know who you are saying that to.

    • yeah. but that's just how I feel. It's easy for girls to say it doesn't matter. They never been affected by it never been rejected or left cause of it and dont have to worry about measuring up plus constant talk of people bigger than you. i mean they have models with nice bodys on magazines but they can go to the gym and be perfect. Music, films, education videos, and porn talking about how big is your dick only showing bigger sizes. hearing that for long term and short term relationships they prefer more size than what you have hell they say guys like big boobs to try and damage control but most guys (including me) don't care unless your wearing clothes that show off you cleavage even then you could get breast I'mplants at least it won't affect your sexual organs

  • Dude you've got good morels ao don't feel bad. And some girl is gonna be lucky to get a faithful guy like you who cares for her

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    • I am starting to feel like that girl does not exist... :( And I should be having partners now to equal the amount of partners the girl that I marry has...

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    • That makes me feel a bit better thanks, I hope you are right!

    • You're welcome. And of course I'm right. So don't worry

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