Does love become more superficial the older you get?

Many say otherwise, but I feel it becomes more superficial. Here is why.

When you fall in love the first time (likely in your teens), it didn't matter if the guy had a job, a fancy car, money, or an education. All that had to happen was that you found him attractive and he returned those feelings back. Some of the most intense, passionate, and memorable feelings occurred with your first love. It was spontaneous, youthful, free, and an important milestone of your past time. It was a time of innocence. A time of fun and exploring each other's feelings and bodies.

Next time you fall in love, it is not as new. You are a young adult at this point. You begin to guard yourself a little more. You don't give your heart as easily. You don't form as tight of a bond with that person. If he breaks up with you, sure you may feel a little sad but then you are like "eh". He is neither your first nor your last.

Then you start to form other expectations, like does he have a job, does he have money, can he provide financial security? The love is not as pure. You have been there, done that already.

Does love become more superficial the older you get?

Research has shown that there is a 75 percent chance of reuniting with a love from your youth. Research has also shown that the bonds you form under age 25 are some of the strongest.

I mean doesn't it sound better to spend the rest of your life with someone you shared your youth and innocence with versus someone you didn't?

  • I agree
    26% (23)32% (18)28% (41)Vote
  • I don't agree
    46% (40)42% (24)44% (64)Vote
  • See poll
    28% (24)26% (15)28% (39)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is hard to say. Sh*t happens everywhere, and it's impossible to generalise like this.
    I think we don't become more superficial - we become more aware of reality, and how harsh it is, and what it means to survive in the real world.
    In our youth, hopefully, our parents paid our rent and bills. Food was handed to us. Clothes were free Christmas presents. Our biggest worry was school.
    Suddenly, you grow up, and rent is 1,500, bills are 400, not to mention taxes. You want kids, and you want them to go to a private school. You want to give them a better childhood than you had. This stuff isn't materialistic - It's survival, and maternal instinct.
    But all your partner aspires in life is a minimum wage job. The stress builds. You see your future of that dream house you've always wanted becoming less and less likely to happen as the market changes and the rich get richer. Is wanting to achieve a dream materialistic?
    You warn your partner that their low aspirations are tolerable, but you're worried it'll place strain on your relationship, because you want to keep them, because they're precious to you, but so are your dreams. So are you tired of buying 2nd hand clothes from Value Village, and Great Value canned food at Walmart. Just once you want to feel comfortable. Just once you want to wear a decent dress of your own to meet up with your friends, so you can stop feeling ashamed. Just once you want to stop counting the bills in your wallet to make sure you have enough cash before you go grocery shopping. Just once you want to go to a restaurant and eat steak and have people serve you.
    But your partner doesn't see it. Then you realise they'd prefer the laziness of a minimum wage job, rather than go to school for 2 years and earn twice as much in a year. They'd rather be like that than make you comfortable, and it breaks your heart. They're not supporting you in your dreams when they're like that, right? Or are they supporting their own, and you should support them? Either way, the disparity is too much. Neither dream can be achieved without jeopardizing the other ones'.
    Dreams change. People change. Sh*t happens. Life happens.
    It doesn't become more superficial. You just become more realistic.

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    • Both happen

    • @skykidx1
      Sure, I guess. Depends on the person, I'd say? People constantly change in different ways, so this is just one take of why following dreams =/= superficiality. The only meaning to life we see is our dream, right? lol

    • Yea with out dreams our life wouldn't have much meaning. I just know from my last relationship before the one that did just end. she choice her new boyfriend over me because he had a car and I didn't. so very superficialily. I wasn't her first boyfriend so the fact she loved me even through I had nothing ment the world to me. Anyway 1 year later of working my ass off which is all I ever did. I now have 2 jobs and may 4 am seeing someone about buying a car. I was in a trade school but got kicked out after missing 3 day. I just didn't have the time to attend the place anymore after my house burned down.

Most Helpful Guy

  • This is from a 35 year old man who has dated from 14 to present. Also have been married once. Yes, love becomes less intense and less special when you get older. Love is a business relationship from later 20s to the rest of your life.

    In high school the prettiest girl went after the hottest guy. In real world the prettiest woman goes aftee the richest guy. That's why guys hate girls who change dating preferences in their late 20s to 40s. Guys are getting used for money.

    There is no love at my age its All business and lifestyle security. You get nothing but used pussy and baggage at my age. Bullshit. That's why I use women because I know they are after my money and not me.

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    • I will also add that girls from your youth start looking like shit as they age. They age even worse with every kid they have. This is why is not good to rekindle when you are 35. The girls you crushed on are now fucking gross.
      I would probably fuck only 5% of the girls in graduated with from high school. The rest of them have fucked up hips, mom jeans, and fatness especially in the face. I don't want any of that

    • Thanks for MHO! It was a privilege to help you!

What Girls Said 14

  • the way i see it:

    immature love says, "i love you because i need you";
    mature love says, "i need you because i love you".

    -

    as an adult, i know myself and my needs better than i did as a teen. therefore, it was easier to see the difference between:

    1) my priorities (monogamy or consensual non-monogamy, an intellectual equal, someone i could share my passions and big ideas with);

    2) what i was willing to compromise on (if a guy smoked, had kids, or was looking for a long-term commitment, ie: marriage), and

    3) which were deal-breakers (drug or alcohol abuse, someone who is manipulative or controlling).

    when you're young, it's easy to lose yourself in his pretty eyes or the fact that you both love dogs. but neither of those will see you through the tough times.

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    • Also love from a wiser girl is not as intense. It's like they are desensitized.

    • that may be true for some. but it's definitely not the case for us~ my other half and i are both older (i'm 29 and he's 31), but we're still teenagers at heart... minus the self-esteem issues and awkwardness.

      as you become older and wiser, you stop caring about what everyone else thinks of you and you learn to be comfortable in your own skin. there's nothing sexier than confidence.

      we've been together for 2 years, so we're obviously not each other's firsts either. but, as my man says, "we all need a few practice swings before we hit the major leagues". i never believed in "saving myself for marriage", since i had no intention of ever being married (until i met him) and because it's a terrible idea in general (would you buy an expensive car or outfit without trying it first? oh hell no.)

      yes, people become jaded and bitter when they get hurt. but, if you can love above all hurt and pain, no matter how much wrong has been done to you, then it is real and it is love.

  • I agree with your statement to a point, the first love we feel is probably deeper because there isn't anything to compare it to. It's deeper because we have yet to have bad experiences or breakups that cause a sense of protection that we have ready when and if things fall apart.

    I fell in love with my childhood best friend, we met at ages 5 and 6, he's been my BFF and still is since that time. The first love I felt for him was and is so intense that I almost feel like some of the paperback romance novel descriptions at times! I know it sounds silly but that's the closest I can put it into words. Yet that intense feeling of love can come and go if we don't make our relationship a priority. When we do that love feels deeper more intense, breathtaking at times. I'm glad neither he or I have any bad romantic experiences to cloud our relationship, I hope we can always say that too.

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  • I don't see it that way.

    I think it has nothing to do with older people being superficial. At that age, they just want to be with someone as long as they possibly can as the thought of dying alone may have crept up on them. At that age they don't care about how the other person looks like, what car they drive.. Etc

    How they feel with that person and the connection plus having someone beside them (not being alone) is what is important to them.

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  • I think I am gonna puke!

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    • lol apple I know deep down you care
      but something happened not sure what but something did happen

  • I think that if you stay young at heart, you can love without limits or prerequisites at any point in your life.

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  • I believe that love becomes more aware and sensible as you get older. I have a love that i am willing to share, I need to be conscious of who I give such a liberty to. I do not want to waste such efforts on someone who is undeserving of my love.

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  • I disagree. Young love is rather naive and superficial. It's puppy love. I'm sorry, but from my experience, guys in their teens are idiots who only care about sex. As you get older, I think you start to know what true love is through experience. Yes, things like jobs and money become more important, but that has more to do with lifestyle stability than love.

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  • No people are less shallow the older they get

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    • If you could accurately foresee the future and knew you could be just as happy if not happier with someone from your youth, either now or later, than with someone you met as an adult, wouldn't you by default have more feelings for that old flame?

      The guy from your youth has an advantage over the guy you met as an adult in that fact that he got to experience your childhood/adolescence with you.

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    • Older people are more shallow until they give up and choose to settle. People settle because they are not getting as many offers anymore and they realize how short life is. Trust me on this I am an older person who knows other older people.

    • Yeah thats pretty much why

  • I think loves get more real as older you get , You are more mature and want ti have a real relationship to love for real.

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  • There is no such thing as love...

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  • I do not see

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  • I actually agree with it. When your young you are more carefree and care about the person and living in the moment. As you get older and have to worry about a mortgage, student loans and holding down a job then you tend to look at your partner more as a candidate signing up for a job as a boyfriend/husband rather than someone you genuinely love for who they are.

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  • :'( I am so sad... maybe happy tears! This was a great Q/extra info!

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  • It's actually the opposite I think

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What Guys Said 10

  • No, it doesn't. I don't believe that.

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  • I've fallen in love a grand total of two times. Once at 24, and once at 53.

    53 is incredibly more deep and passionate and fulfilling.

    Admittedly, I occasionally still thing about some of the girls I crushed on in high school.

    But really, I think it is the person you fall in love with, and not the age or time of life.

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    • The hormone associated with love are testosterone and dopamine. Both of which fall heavily as you get older.

    • *As well as estrogen.

    • @TriniMed For both of us the sex is way better, and the love is way deeper.

      Quite literally, on dozens of occasions I have felt like I had taken a couple of prescription pain pills, just laying around in bed being with her.

      And, while my testosterone and dopamine may be lower, the love, physical pleasure, and excitement is way way better.

      Maybe if I had met this women when I was twenty then the sex would have been better. Wait, she would have been ten years old, so better not.

      But really, I cannot even envision better sex and love than I am experiencing now.

  • Where is this 75%/25% data from? Just curious. That's pretty interesting but I do want to know if it's accurate or not.

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  • That depends on your partner's willingness to reciprocate your idea of love.

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  • Teenage/tweenage "love" is powered solely by hormones in my observation... And as far as needing a job and a car.. you wouldn't expect her to live in a cardboard box with you, would you?

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  • I am going to say I agree that people return to loves of their youth, whatever that specifically means, simply because of the familiarity and comfort it brings. What research are you referring to?

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  • Love is bullshit regardless of age... I don't think that the notion of romantic love existed until modern times.

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  • Love is just a chemical that makes you want to breed.

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  • What research? I think you are making it up.

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  • Less as you get older. Not sure what world you live in.

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