Is it wrong or shallow of me that I refuse to date girls who have kids, or a kid from a previous relationship?

Thats how I am, I do not want to have anything to do with girls, women, who have a kid from a previous relationship, or former marriage, the reason why is because I don't want to be a Step-Dad, or be in a Step-Dad role, because for me, it just doesn't feel right being around a kid, or kids who do not have my blood, genes, it just feels morally wrong for me, because I just feel that kids should be with their real biological father, but of course relationships fail all the time, so that obviously means there are tons of kids out there who have never met or are just not very close to their real biological father, it's really sad but it's just the way it is. Well for me, I don't want to be apart of that, so is that wrong and shallow of me?

Updates:
so is it wrong of me? or not?
like I am hoping that never in my life, no matter how old I get, that I marry or date a woman who has a kid, or kids from a previous relationship, previous marriage, of course I can predict my future, but for now I do not want to.
It seems there are a lot more Step-Dads out there than Step-Moms, but anyway, I don't want any part of it

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Nothing wrong at all, I agree with you too.

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What Girls Said 6

  • It's not wrong. That's your own personal choice. But, just remember that life has a wicked sense of humor and you can't always get what you want. What if, you found out late in the game that a woman that you had been dating, who had all the qualities that you were looking for in a woman, who you might even be falling for--- had a child or an ex husband? Maybe she really liked you and was afraid to tell you, it happens all the time. While that would have been extremely unfair for her to do such a thing, would you break up with her? If in every other aspect you guys meshed together extremely well except for this one thing, would you turn your back on that?

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    • I don't mind her having an ex-husband or ex-boyfriend, but having kids from another guy, then that's a different story.

  • It's not wrong of you, but it might be just a little bit shallow? In my point of view, to love someone, you have love and accept everything about them, even the aspects you don't like. And if 'that' woman really appears, then her having kids shouldn't make it a stop to a relationship. But of course, if you have views that it's morally wrong, then you should definitely stick to the way you feel. I'm just sharing how I see this.

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  • According to the U.S. census in 2009 there are "13.7 million single parents in the U.S. and those parents raise 21.8 million children and approx 84% of the custodial parents are mothers." So, I'd say it might be likely that you'll meet a lot of single mothers out there. Just some food for thought.

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  • This is one of those questions where the answer and it's morality is unique to each person. There is not definitive right or wrong answer here. Everyone is going to have a different outlook here. For me, personally, people are who they are and if you like them as a person--- whether or not they used to be married or have a child from a previous relationship has no bearing on that. But, that is just me.

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  • I think it is good to know yourself and to be true to yourself.

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  • That's not wrong of you at all.

    Everyone has their own preferences and beliefs.

    It's your personal choice who you want to date. And if that happens to excludes people with a past, like with a kid, then that's just how it is.

    You're in the 18-24 age range, hardly ready to be a step-dad. And that is totally and completely understandable. That doesn't make you shallow either.

    I couldn't ever see myself dating a guy who had children from the past. Especially because they were probably accidents and that just shows his irresponsibility and sexual indiscretions.

    Nonetheless, it's not for us to judge. Only you can judge who you want to be with.

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What Guys Said 3

  • No it's not wrong but your choice may not sit well with others. As a guy who knew a single mother and not by her choice her husband/boyfriend from high school and through collage got his dream job in the food industry and proceeded to cheat on his wife and leave her and their year old baby. It wouldn't have stopped me from going out with her. I had met her a few times at different functions and parties over the 2 years she was single again but nothing ever clicked between us. For her sake and the child she found her self a good man the 2nd time. As you get older and your single with no kids choices become less and less.

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  • Not wrong at all, I feel the same way.

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  • this is good that you know this. otherwise you might get resentful of the kids if you pretended it didn't matter to you.

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