I wasn't ready... But now I am. RELATIONSHIP QUESTION. Help?

Back in October my friend introduced me to a guy, Joe. She told me that a bunch of girls were after him, but that she thought that we would be a good match. He came over and I guess he liked me a lot because he messaged me on Facebook after leaving. He told me I was very cute and wanted to date me. I thought Joe was very nice and good looking, but at the time I had just gotten out of an unfaithful relationship. A few days after this relationship ended, I was raped by my ex's friend. I was very self destructive and spiteful of anything that could be good for me. At the time I was introduced to Joe, I was already speaking with another guy. This guy was not good for me at all. I chose the bad guy. The relationship did not last long and I had dumped him well within a month.

Now, I am in a better place. I have a much more positive view of myself and where I'm headed. My only problem is that I haven't been able to get Joe out of my head. He was everything I wanted and was offering me a stable and happy relationship, but I wasn't ready to accept it. Since meeting Joe, he has been liking my photos on Instagram, although we never spoke or met in person again. About a week ago, I messaged him, and we've been talking on and off ever since. It's usually been me who starts the conversation. He is still very kind to me and tells me whenever he is leaving the city, when he will return, and keeps me updated on his life. As far as I know, he is still single. I haven't asked -- and I am afraid to do so. I feel like I don't have the right to ask him to consider me again. I had my chance and I blew it.

Do you think I should keep messaging him? Maybe I am being too persistent, but part of me feels like I am somehow making up for not choosing him by actively pursuing him now.
Should I stop trying so hard? Or should I keep trying and find a way to let him know that I made a mistake and that I want to try things with him?


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What Guys Said 1

  • You should tell him how you feel. Tell him exactly what was going on in your life at the time and how you have changed and where you are at now. Tell him you realize the you messed up the opportunity the first time, but that you would really like to have a second chance so that you can get it right this time.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I honestly think the best thing to do in this situation is to just be completely honest with him. Tell him that when you first met you did really like him, but you weren't ready for a relationship because of whatever reasons (you don't have to go SUPER in depth), but you've always thought he was a great guy, and you do want to see if you guys could have something good together, and you'd love to try again if he'd be open to giving it a chance.

    Don't think of it as making up for anything, you're a different person now and you're trying to move on from the past, that's normal and totally fine.

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  • It's worth trying but you will have to be the one to pull the trigger, most people aren't going to try again for round two if they were rejected the first time, there is no reason for them to think anything has changed.

    He could still reject you, but you won't know unless you try, right?

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