I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 30, do you think that is too much of a age difference?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Depends. My wife is almost 6 years younger and I would never do it again. I met her when I was 23, she was 17. The problem was, at 23 I was done school, had a career while she was still in high school. Basically I was ready to buy a house and all that a couple of years later and she was still in school. She went to college to be a travel agent and never got a job in that field. Basically by the time she had a career going I was in my early 30's. The age difference and slow start to a career held us back from getting serious in life for things like buying a house together, or getting married or starting a family. For me, starting a family after 37-38 is out of the question, simply too old. So for you it becomes a timing thing for when you want a family vs him.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know hundreds and hundreds of married couples, mb even a thousand.

    In the VAST majority of the best-functioning couples -- where "best-functioning" includes sexuality, logistics, emotional compatibility, finances, and just big life decisions in general -- the husband is 5 to 12 years older than the wife.
    Like, at least 97 percent of the best-functioning couples.

    Yr age difference seems big now, but it will seem smaller and smaller as time goes on.

    Honestly, if you are still together just 1-2 years from now, you'll probably have forgotten all about the age difference, unless some conversation comes up in which it's specifically a relevant issue (e. g. timing of having children).
    Otherwise, literally, you will just forget that the difference even exists.

    (Until he asks whether you remember something that happened years before you were born, and then you can have a good laugh together.)

    __

    If you're the type of person who likes to have studies as backup, then, there are those -- e. g., http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/7873718/

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What Guys Said 25

  • Yes, the gap is a little too much but if you both are highly compatible and get along well then it shouldn't be a problem.

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  • no, my parents are 10 years apart

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  • Not a problem at all

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  • Not at all

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  • Nah that's fine , as long as it doesn't bother you and you guys get along , in a few years you won't even care after awhile

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  • At those ages, I say no.

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  • Look you need to forget about what society expects and start focusing on what makes you happy. Society is lunatic asylum run by the inmates. Ignore it.

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  • Meh.. 21 is just a number but it really depends on how mature you are.

    You are still young and your growing up.. If the guy is ok with it (lol) then have fun.

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  • Nope. Age is just a number.

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  • nah it's fine. the age gap from my parents is 10 years

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  • it's on the borderline

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  • Its fine, when he was 18, you were 9. Imagine having sex at that time.

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  • Nah it's fine since I'm in the inverted situation of yours

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  • doesn't matter... until you feel it is

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  • doesn't matter, its your relationship, if the both of you are ok with it, thats all that matters.

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  • Not at all. I am 40 and have dated 23

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  • Yeah you're too young for him. Maybe that's why he wants you who knows 😆

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  • It's fine

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  • its what you think not what others think... for me I think its fine... if you love each other...

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  • yea, thats just fuckin weird

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  • not at all. I've dated within a bigger gap before.

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  • lol who gives a fuck about age gap when you're 18+?

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  • Not at all my parents were 15 years apart. Age is just a number. Enjoy.

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  • It's quite a stretch

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  • Do you?

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What Girls Said 21

  • I see all the guys saying "No that is fine"... But realistically speaking let's put it this way:

    1) 30 year old is most likely ready to settle down or will soon be ready to settle down. 21 year old girl is at her prime and depending on the youth you had are likely to either go wild and want to experience life, try new stuff, travel, experiment, be single, meet new people, etc... This causes an uneven level playing field for the couple.
    2) Maturity. A 21 year old female (while women are usually mature for their age) still has a lot of growing up to do... Be independent, live on her own - if she hasn't really already (and I dont mean COllegE living alone) but actually being independent and standing on her own 2 feet. 30 year old man is already living on his own, likely has bought his own house or is in the process of buying his own house or looking to. Level of compatibality? 2 different stages.
    3) Lifestyle: a 21 year old wants to go out, be with friends, drink, pretty much live the life.. 30 year old has already done this and may stil enjoy the occassional drink but not getting pissed wasted and hangover the next day.

    Overall, I'd say there is quite a big of a difference- maybe NOT emotionally but definitely mentally and in lifestyle- which at the end of the day is what glues or breaks couples apart. Could it be that you are +-3 years more mature, therefore 24 and he -3 years mature, 27... MAYBE it can work... but to be honest, it is only a matter of time before it ends...
    Unless ofcourse the man and you are both looking a the same thing, leading the same lifestyle and have the same mentality and beliefs then yes it can work... Otherwise, it's sad to say... but a doomed relationship. The guy may say no... but it's only a matter of time :) Good luck! hope that helps.

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  • It's all about personal preference. At 21, I personally wouldn't date someone who's 30. But that's just me. I feel like I have more in common with guys closer to my own age.

    As long as you're happy in the relationship, then there is nothing inherently wrong with a 10 year age difference between two adults. If you're asking this question because you're unsure of how you feel about the situation, I'd make a detailed pros and cons list.

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  • I don't know. I mean if your happy! I just wouldn't want to date someone older because i hate to be not incontrol!

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  • I personally wouldn't date someone that much older than me but it's fine for others.

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  • As long as you are comfortable with that age difference that is all that matters. I couldn't date someone 11 years older than me. He'd have to be 1-2 years older than me.

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  • nope! its not too much

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  • I don't think I would personally go that much older, but my father is 11 years older than my mom.

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  • No. I'm 9 years older than my boyfriend. If there's chemistry and you can have endless conversations, then that's what matters.

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  • Dating wise. No.
    For marriage and kids.. It may be possibly an issue later on.

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  • Nah that's not too bad.

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  • my parents are 9 years apart and no

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  • Too little! The age difference should be greater

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  • It's fine, not too much.

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  • Depends on whether you are into the college scene

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  • It might be depending on maturity levels

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  • Lol no, my parents are 15 years apart

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  • No, I use to date a guy that was 9yrs older than me. 25 & 34

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  • You're of legal age so no age difference is too much.
    Now would I date a 30 year old at age 21, absolutely not.
    I probably wouldn't even date a 30 year old at my current age.

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  • My ex boyfriend is 34, i m 22. Things did not work for other reasons than age (being in your 30s does not mean u are responsible and mature), but in the end you can even say that it was a small added reason that led to the break up. It depends on a lot of factors: stage of life you both are in, life goals, way to see life, values, maturity, lifestyle.
    U should carefully look at the whole situation not just at number.

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  • yes it is be careful he may want to take advantage of you.

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  • Seems fine to me.

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