When a guy says he sees his ex as a sister, is this a red flag?

He said he is only in touch with one ex, he doesn't believe that man and woman can be friends unless they are ex.

He said they broke up because they got too familiar with each other and they were getting married. The moment he broke up he saw her as a sister... he now sees her once a year like catching up with a family member..

Updates:
*they WEREN'T getting married.

Sorry about the typo. That changes the entire question...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • No its not a red flag, sounds more like you're insecure

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    • Interesting.. most of the men who answered see it as red flag as well...

    • Most people don't think outside the box either

      Being friends with an ex does not automatically make it wrong. Every situation is different and if they have a perfectly plutonic relationship, there is nothing wrong with that. Once a year is not so bad and is completely innocent. I've seen ex's hang out weekly and still just be friends after years and years.

      I would say in a completely plutonic relationship, it starts to become a problem if their relationship overpowers yours. But that doesn't seem to be the case, right?

    • yes it was lack of trust and insecurity. I assumed once a year is downplaying of once a week or something.

Most Helpful Girl

  • If you Both are Not in a Real Relationship stthis given moment, he may feel it is a Big Deal To... See her once a year like catching up with a family member.
    However, for now, for you cannot accuse unless you know for Sure what is in Store, it could be true that she is more like a sibling and not as a lover from his Past, which apparently not such a Blast.
    I know myself I have a Bestie who was once a Steady Eddy, We are closer than ever with just being Friends to the Ends, No sex involved now, so Yes, it could be Possible to be Family and not have this Raise a 'Red Flag.'
    If there are any Signs of those Times that things ever change, then I am sure he will tell you. The more you get to know him, the More' you both can Nurse and Nurture Something Special that you have got started.
    Good luck. xx

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    • It's hard cos I feel like sometime his lack of contact is due to emotional luggage. Now it explains. Also he couldn't answer me what he learnt from the past on first date.

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    • Well deserved! xxoo

    • Love you, sis!! xxoo

What Guys Said 10

  • In my opinion, if this was a sexual EX or a relationship where love was present, as you have stated they were going to get married... this seems to be a little too fishy for my taste... there is not need to have a ex-girlfriend in your life or boyfriend for that matter. WHY? this is a red flag, because people tend to double dip the chip! I would advised before getting serious with this person for him to have abstained from keeping contact with old his flames... In the end it would not go well for you... Look at the movie with Ben Stiller , the Kevin character was always in love with the wife, that's freaking annoying...

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    • Sorry about my typo. I meant he was NOT going to marry her after 4 years of being together that's why he broke up. He said they got so familiar he feels like she is a sister.

      He says they only catch up like once a year.

      Does that change anything? Also I'm not sure how to bring it up about I can't get serious with you?

    • I say it changes nothing, and what are they catching up for, is there a child involved? Do they have family in common (God hope not.) it just sounds off... why not meet more than once? These questions I'd like to know, does he feel as if he needs to meet her , and if so is it a really big deal for you? For me, yep... dont want exes around unless they are babies daddies... some people don't care about partners unfinished business and emotional luggage... I want to know if you like tho guy, is it something you can handle... if not loose him.

    • I'm with you. I do like he guy but it's not something I can handle

  • unless he has sex with his sister then no it shouldn't be a red flag

    it means that he has a platonic relationship with his ex

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  • its possible to see x as a relative. The scneario was odd, so I got lost in the question. to me it means there was no romantic connection.. and that happens.

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    • I was meant to ask if he is telling the truth. It seems odd.. Also haven't heard from for like 24 hrs after third date...

  • might be using her as a back up chick. I know a few women in the past that always had a fall back guy.

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  • he has trouble moving forward.

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    • How to confront him? Or is that even worth confronting?

    • not worth confronting as it's history, not present actions.

      flags are just that flags.. you see them, and take note. that's it.

    • Got it. As he also mentioned he feels like she is a sister as soon as they broke up. I guess just trust him for now unless his action says otherwise.

  • To me it is.

    His ex will always be around, and he'll probably take her opinion over yours.

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    • Why doesn't he go back to her then? I guess I should cut my loss

    • She's pretty much back up if your relationship gets boring or falls apart.

    • I'm curious how he keeps her as back up for 4 years. Even he lived overseas for 3 s..

  • Doesn't that mean.. At some point in his life , he was into incest?

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  • I think it's always a red flag when someone is in touch with their ex

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  • it kinda is yes.

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  • Well least he won't cheat with her.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Ummmm... no. Men and women can't be just friends ESPECIALLY if they are exes; ESPECIALLY if they had sex and were engaged!

    You don't need to "catch up" with anyone who was your ex, regardless of how you feel about them. The only reason for keeping in touch, is because you still having feelings for them. Think about it. Why would you be friends with someone and claim to really care about them... but on the other they aren't good enough to marry? That makes no sense.

    Guys like to keep their exes on a string, in case something better doesn't come along. That way, they always try to weasel their way back into a relationship with an ex... which is easier than trying to find someone knew or if they just get too tired of dating. An ex is an easy fall-back.

    There is literally zero reason to hang on to an old relationship that didn't work out unless you are hoping to eventually rekindle it, when nothing better comes along.

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    • Sorry I did a typo.. I meant they were NOT going to get marry hence he broke up. He said after 4 years she feels like a sister. They broke up 4 years ago.

      Does that change the question?

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    • I know right. I only keep in touch with one ex. I'm still sleeping with him lol

    • They probably were living together at that point.

  • Hmm, I don't buy it. If they dated, they could easily go back to those feelings. I sure wouldn't be okay with it.

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