He told me he's infertile and I want kids... is it awful for me to stop dating him?

I've been dating this guy for a couple of months. He just dropped a bomb on me that he's infertile. I REALLY want biological children of my own and want to share that with my future spouse. Does it make me a horrible person if I decide this is a deal breaker and stop dating him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • No it isn't awful of you. This is fair incompatibility that sometimes occurs in relationships. Anyone telling you that it is awful of you for not giving up your dreams and life goals, for a guy you have been dating for a couple of months is an idiot.

    I hear people complain about nonsense deal breakers all the time, often to the point they exclude 100% of humanity in their list of deal breakers. Your deal breaker however is very reasonable.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think this makes you a 'horrible' person. It's a sad situation all around because obviously it's not his fault. However, you have every right to desire biological children. The decision to have children or not is a big deal in a relationship. Even though this isn't really a 'decision' since he can't help it, it's still a major issue if one partner does want biological children and the other person is infertile.

    Ending things would probably be best for BOTH of you. You can move on and find someone who will be able to give you biological children. He can also move on and find someone who will love him and be okay with adoption (or not having kids at all, if that's what they want).

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What Guys Said 43

  • not horrible and definitely can be a deal breaker. you have to do what you have to. but be careful getting rid of a great guy because they don't come along everyday.

    did he get tested to know he's infertile?

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  • No. There may be other solutions. I know someone with same scenario who is married was inseminated at clinic.

    but in general, no. If the reverse was true, same deal. It is reality and you have to accept the whole person.
    It might make you both feel bad, but that's just life... he may be awsome every other area where the next husband is a controlling jerk, so don't think perfection:)

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  • Breaking up sucks but hey he can't provide what you want in life

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  • It is an awful thing to do if that is the reason for breaking up with him. You should actually go with how you feel about him altogether. There are other ways to go about having a child. Every relationship is a compromise.

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  • Some couples are comfortable with adopting or with artificial insemination. Some value the DNA connection.
    Some pet owners love their pets more than their kids so obviously the DNA connection isn't necessary.
    But don't let anyone judge you for wanting the DNA connection with your children. If that means moving on to another relationship then do it.

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  • No, i think you did the right thing. Your future as a parent is not worth sacrificing or even compromising for one specific person. There are plenty of guys that are more compatible with you. It was best that you broke it off quickly, without leading him on.

    He also did the right thing by letting you know early on.

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  • I guess you just need to be aware of what you're giving up. If you think you can find someone just as good go ahead and do what you need to. If he is someone special then you should consider whether or not you're making a decision that you will regret.

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  • do what you gotta do.

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  • well yes i think you are horrible... and by the way think about this! how would you feel if you were infertile and he felt you because of it?

    never mind he deserves better anyways...

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  • That sucks, but at least he told you relatively soon! I think he would understand if you did stop seeing him. Even though it is unpleasant, he has to respect how you feel about having your own children someday!

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  • Did you hear about sperm donors?

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  • Now I really came to know that why people say world is full of meanfull person... u r think of your own.. at least he have the guts to tell u that he is infertile... now u keep yur self in the place of that guy and think what if u where infertile... I don't know u love this guy or not but if u love this then their no matter that he is infertile or not.. or having a child of yur own or not...

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  • Not awful, just sucks for him. It's a deal breaker for you. It's only fair to know what you're getting into beforehand.

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  • No it isn't. If it had been about something like he wasn't earning enough money I'd have slated you but that's a big concern for anybody. You're right to want your own kids naturally. That's life and it's full of hard decisions.

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  • No your not a bad person.. it's this is pretty much a good reason to break up. tbh am happy to hear a girl wanting to break up with a guy over something that's not 100% bs or immuture as hell.

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  • No. Move on.

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  • I would do the same.

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  • you've already naturally selected him as someone you'll never have a future with.

    if that's not a deal breaker, i dunno what is.

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  • Why bring new life into this world when us a species struggle to take care of the ones we have already? Just fucking adopt.

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  • is he sterile... ask from him actually infertility are of two types
    1. sterile
    2. Erectile dysfunction.(could be treated by Viagra)

    still you could have babies but not from him from someone else by In-vitro fertilization we call it test tube baby. In this case baby will be yours means you will be mother but biological father will be different..

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  • Isn't there some invitro thing you can do? Him being infertile isn't the end of the world in our age of technology.

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  • You know what you want for yourself. If his problem is an obstacle there is nothing wrong getting rid of him. I'm sure he will find lots of women who don't want children.

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  • It's not awful, I wouldn't be with a barring woman.
    However, there are methods to help conception.
    Try that first.

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    • It isn't fair to start with him longer if it isn't going to work. The emotional trauma of being dumped by a longtime partner after multiple failed attempts would be much worse

  • There's nothing wrong with that.

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  • No. Friendzone him, he can't give you what you wish. It's life.

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  • no this is something that shouldve be told from day one to be honest.

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  • yes you're terrible

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  • if a girl doesn't want kids, and i feel she's the girl i can trust, it can be a deal breaker but if i love her so much, id live with it? i dunno

    but people are selfish and place stupid things before humans so i dunno

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  • You can always have a child another way you can get some donor sperm...

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  • That is a tough one. I think i would move on my self.

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What Girls Said 41

  • Infertile? I'll date him

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  • I'm surprised by the number of people that are supporting you.

    1) How often do people fall into great relationships?

    2) People preach anti-abortion and yet who is adopting these unwanted children when everyone cares more about DNA?

    3) So many children are in blended families as it is, do you really think DNA makes a family?

    Personally I wish the best for him. I hope he finds a person that will love him for who he is and not his sperm.

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  • No, it doesn't make you a horrible person. He doesn't fit your needs.
    You'd be horrible if you continued to date and mislead him that all is fine , however.
    Don't feel bad.
    Having a family of your own is a big deal.

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  • No, it doesn't make you a bad person. That's probably why he was kind enough to disclose that so early into the relationship. No sense in wasting each other's time.

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  • No. Clearly you want something out of life that he isn't or can't or won't be able to provide you. He has now told you he can't have children... it is now up to you whether you decide if this is a deal breaker or not. You know you want lemons but if a person cannot give fruits, are you going to sacrifice your lemons or look for them elsewhere? Up to you... Your life, your choice.

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    • Just keep it honest and real with him and explain why. Humans are much more understanding than we think. Good luck!

  • I don't think it is really awful of you but there are other option where you can continue dating him and still have biological kids, they just won't be his.

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  • No. It doesn't. You don't see a tangible future together so there's no reason to continue seeing him.

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  • Not horrible but a bit closed minded if all other aspects of the relationship work.

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  • No, just send him my way.

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  • Yes but what can ya do?

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  • There are solutions, you know. You're with him because you love him, not because he is a potential reproduction machine.

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    • no she doesn't love himclearly

    • @singlebee it's only been 2 months for goodness sake! I'm merely deciding whether to move in a serious direction or not

  • you can still use a sperm donner

    i mean...

    If u really liked the guy, u could make it work, even if he is infirtile

    its ur choice though

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  • No it's not. Yes it will feel shit doing it, but at the end of the day he won't ever be able to give you what you want. Also you'll both feel better for it in the long run.
    And you've only been dating for a couple months, not 2 years, so I doubt deep feelings have developed yet. Goodluck!

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  • It doesn't make you a horrible person. It's better to get these things out in the open early on. That's not really something you can compromise on.

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  • no it would be a deal breaker for me too

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  • Hey, I'm very sorry for you. I'm not sure if I can relate but in my case, I was fully in love with my boy, and he the same with me. Except... it turned out that he was transgender, and I'm straight, and he started being more of himself, not the guy I met. I still haven't fully let him go. We aren't dating but be are romantically and sexually still together and I know in the future we won't be together as I still hope for. I'm still trying to be attracted to his femininity, it's hard :(

    With that said, it's going to be damn hard. You just have to think about what's best with you in your life. Still be best friends. How much do you love this guy? Consider all the factors and even with that you will not be sure but with time, you'll both find your way. The longer you wait it out, the more it will hurt in the end. I just hope it works out for both of you x

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  • I would bail out too :/

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  • If its important to you- its important. You don't owe it to anyone to date them. Its natural, but unnecessary to feel guilty about it. Ultimately, you just are not a good match for each other.

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  • you aren't horrible, i'd do the same if i were you. deal breakers are deal breakers

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  • You're not horrible for thinking that way because you have every right to decide if you want to continue the relationship or not now. If you don't feel comfortable don't force yourself.

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  • It's your choice...

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  • You only been dating for a few months its ok to break it off better now then 3 years later or 5 years later or when you ready for that baby.

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  • No, it doesn't make you horrible. For many that is a deal breaker they see biological children in their future. You gotta do whats best for you.

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  • If you really love him or he trully loves you, you should not care if he is cannot give you children in the future when you plan to marry him. Did you know that a wife who never bore children are actually more blessed because having children is a lot of responsibilities and some children can suffer a lot more than other children. I am telling you this because I do not plan to have children of my own because it is a heavy burden of those precious souls.

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    • y'kno for many people part of life is passing on your experiences to your very own?

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    • just focus on college or work... if you've finished.

    • @orphan Thank you! I like learning different languages.

  • no, just particular. its only a few month in. im not saying it won't hurt him but its better than faking it and coming up with some lame excuse to dump him once he is further attached.

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  • Much better to dump him now than later. Avoid pain for the both of you.

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  • I think in most cases that's also one of the reasons as to why some Married couples divorce or end up with an annulment. Hmmm.

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  • oh this is awful :( but if it were me I would talk to him and NICELY let him know that I want children one day and that's something he can't provide and you're sorry it has to end this way. don't just peace out on him with no explanation.

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  • It's nothing science can't fix!

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  • Yes it does

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