I got mad at my girlfriend in the car and apparently when I kept pushing her, she said it was "abuse". Was this abuse in your mind?

Me and my girlfriend set a rule on smoking. I dont smoke but she does. I hate smoking and when im with her she promised not to smoke. I picked her up from her exam and she was in a bad mood. Then she lit a cigarette in my car and i got mad cause i don't like the smell and don't want my car smelling like smoke. So i asked her nicely to throw it out the window, i did this 4 times. Then i started to shove her shoulder and i kept doing it until she gave in. She hit me in the arm and said i was an @$$hole and i "abused" her. I told her that is not abuse. 4 shoves is not abuse in my mind. So im just wondering and i wanted to post a question on here. Do you think it it's abuse? i did push with force, but not to the point where like it was bad or anything. Now she won't respond to my texts.


0|0
15|8

Most Helpful Girl

  • Mmmm, this is a toughie... In my personal opinion, this isn't abuse, BUT it caused her to feel violated physically. If you haven't told her sorry for shoving her first thing, this is probably why she won't respond to you. So apologize. Try a non physical approach EVEN THOUGH you did ask politely 4 times. She was having a bad day, you knew this, so shoving shouldn't have been your second option to handle the situation. And next time she smokes in your car without a care, depending on where you are pull over and park somewhere. Let her smoke outside the car until she's finished and somewhat calmed down. Then proceed. If you can't pull over, roll down all the windows and try to bear with it just for her sake.

    2|0
    0|0
    • i didn't say sorry, that is probably why. I have a nice car so i don't want it smelling like smoke and what not. She had a bad day and at the time i should of pulled over, but id idn't think that. I will apologize to her tomorrow

    • Show All
    • We're ok now, she said sorry for smoking and we're ok now :)

    • Yaaaaaay!! I'm happy i could help :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • Depends entirely on how hard it was. You should of just stopped the car and had her throw it out or get out of your car. But anyways,

    If you expressed anger physically that is "abusive". But if it was just a side nudge and not thrusting her body into the door, then it's not really abuse. But as a man you shouldn't be doing that kind of thing anyways. You don't want to get involved in that game. You might end up hurting her one day completely in accident and you'll have abused her solely because you were used to physically expressing your anger.

    0|0
    0|0
    • i talked to her today and she is calm and said sorry and said i didn't abuse her, she said it cause she was having a shitty day. I would never ever hurt her

What Girls Said 14

  • It isn't abuse, but it isn't appropriate. You're a grown man who shouldn't have to resort to physically pushing somebody. Because while it isn't as severe as hitting, it can easily be seen as a precursor to potential violent behavior.

    0|0
    0|0
    • i talked to her yesturday and she is calm and said sorry and said i didn't abuse her, she said it cause she was having a shitty day. She is not an ass, but she had a bad day, we're ok now

    • Good that makes me happy to hear.

  • You didn't violently hit her. Did she find marks on herself... I'm guessing no :/ ? Is this the 1st time anything like this happened? I'd say no!

    0|0
    0|0
    • Not the first time she got upset, never pushed her before.

      lol no marks what so ever, i talked to her today and she is calm and said sorry and said i didn't abuse her, she said it cause she was having a shitty day.

    • Good! Glad everything is okay! :) I'm relieved for you!

  • Doesn't sound like abuse if you weren't shoving her hard. What she did sounds more like abuse to you. Not only did she hit you but she's essentially trying to give you lung cancer

    0|0
    0|0
    • I think she had a rough day, i would never abuse her ever. I just dont want smoke in my car or lungs. She was already bit moody coming into the car but now she won't text me back. I dont think me shoving her was "abuse". She got her words twisted i guess.

  • I don't think it was, you asked repeatedly and she didn't respect your request so you basically did the same to her. She didn't want shoved and you did it anyway. Give her a day of no contact for you both to just get over it and then call or text her and if your sorry then apologize.

    0|0
    0|0
    • i talked to her today and she is calm and said sorry and said i didn't abuse her, she said it cause she was having a shitty day. We're ok now

    • Glad to hear

  • No, she's probably just having a really shitty day so she's being bitchy, hopefully she'll come to her senses.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I think she had a rough day, i would never abuse her ever. I just dont want smoke in my car or lungs. She was already bit moody coming into the car but now she won't text me back. I dont think me shoving her was "abuse". She got her words twisted i guess.

  • Thats bullsht on her part. I wouldve done the same if i had a boyfriend.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Woulve done the same. But ask yourself if her antics are really what you want to live with.

    • i talked to her today and she is calm and said sorry and said i didn't abuse her, she said it cause she was having a shitty day.

  • Omg no! What she did was disrespectful. You have rights in your own car. An abusive man (or me) would have slapped her upside the head. This one is trouble, run before she beats the crap out of you in a temper tantrum and tries to have you arrested. Run fast

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes you abused her. Use your words to solve things like a adult. Dont get physical with your significant other

    0|0
    0|0
    • i talked to her today and she is calm and said sorry and said i didn't abuse her, she said it cause she was having a shitty day. I mean eve3n yesturday a couple of pushes was not abuse in my mind, i left no mark on her or anything like that, i would never purposely hit her or push her to the point where it hurt

  • Yes that's abuse you shouldn't resort to violence.

    0|0
    0|0
    • i talked to her today and she is calm and said sorry and said i didn't abuse her, she said it cause she was having a shitty day. , I left no mark on her or anything like that, i would never purposely hit her or push her to the point where it hurt her, i don't think i abused her, if she said i didn't

  • The ass hole is your girlfriend who refused to stop smoking

    0|0
    0|0
    • i talked to her today and she is calm and said sorry and said i didn't abuse her, she said it cause she was having a shitty day. She is not an ass, but she had a bad day, we're ok now.

    • Until the next time

  • it's not abuse. she should respect you and follow through with the no smoking rule. she should not have hit you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • no not really, you werent trying to hurt here and im sure you didn't

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes this is abuse
    I hope you are trolling

    0|0
    0|0
    • i talked to her today and she is calm and said sorry and said i didn't abuse her, she said it cause she was having a shitty day. , I left no mark on her or anything like that, i would never purposely hit her or push her to the point where it hurt her, i don't think i abused her, she even said i didn't. I'm not trolling. You think simple pushing is abuse?

    • If you have to ask then it's abuse

  • No I don't consider it physical abuse. She should have respected your decision on not wanting your car to smell like smoke. And props to you for taking care of your lungs!

    0|0
    0|0
    • thanks, she's a good girl but very moody when she gets mad. I think she had a rough day, i would never abuse her ever. I just dont want smoke in my car or lungs. She was already bit moody coming into the car but now she won't text me back. I dont think me shoving her was "abuse". She got her words twisted i guess.

    • It's okay, we all get moody at times, we just all handle it in different ways. She will communicate with you once she's better, just give her time to cool off:)

    • we're ok today, she said sorry and so did i

What Guys Said 7

  • Personally I'd consider kicking her to the curb as it is, but I'm just a stranger on the intarwebz. She had a bad day and took it out on you by not respecting your limits, which is extremely childish. You reciprocated. Granted, the police will arrest a guy for looking at a girl the wrong way, so don't ever do it again. And if she is still pissed and tries to have you charged, deny, deny, deny. You both fucked up but she precipitated the whole thing.

    And if you apologize to her, you are admitting that you were wrong and she was not. You will be her bitch, now and forever. She will know that she has no limits. If anyone is owed an apology, it's you.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Never lay your hands on someone before they lay them on you, otherwise you are asking for trouble. Especially with a woman where the law will automatically vilify you as the bad guy. I'm not sure it was abuse, but I do not necessarily feel bad for you since you were an idiot anyway who did something stupid.

    1|0
    0|0
    • i talked to her today and she is calm and said sorry and said i didn't abuse her, she said it cause she was having a shitty day.

  • Who cares? Do you really want her back? Smoking your care was extremely disrespectful. No wonder you ware angry. You can never get smoke out of a car, and it destroys the resale value. Yeah, you probably shouldn't have pushed her but what-fing-ever. Forget her and date a girl who doesn't smoke.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No it's not abuse another person who screams that card without knowing what true actual abuse is -_-. Was it wrong to shove her? yes it was, was it abuse though? no it wasn't.

    Just wait till she calms down or cools off then apologize.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You could've done worse. As long as she's not physically hurt then no it doesn't seem like abuse to me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You didn't abuse her. You imposed yourself on her.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No. You both were rude

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...