Me and my girlfriend set a rule on smoking. I dont smoke but she does. I hate smoking and when im with her she promised not to smoke. I picked her up from her exam and she was in a bad mood. Then she lit a cigarette in my car and i got mad cause i don't like the smell and don't want my car smelling like smoke. So i asked her nicely to throw it out the window, i did this 4 times. Then i started to shove her shoulder and i kept doing it until she gave in. She hit me in the arm and said i was an @$$hole and i "abused" her. I told her that is not abuse. 4 shoves is not abuse in my mind. So im just wondering and i wanted to post a question on here. Do you think it it's abuse? i did push with force, but not to the point where like it was bad or anything. Now she won't respond to my texts.
Most Helpful Girl
Mmmm, this is a toughie... In my personal opinion, this isn't abuse, BUT it caused her to feel violated physically. If you haven't told her sorry for shoving her first thing, this is probably why she won't respond to you. So apologize. Try a non physical approach EVEN THOUGH you did ask politely 4 times. She was having a bad day, you knew this, so shoving shouldn't have been your second option to handle the situation. And next time she smokes in your car without a care, depending on where you are pull over and park somewhere. Let her smoke outside the car until she's finished and somewhat calmed down. Then proceed. If you can't pull over, roll down all the windows and try to bear with it just for her sake.2
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Most Helpful Guy
Depends entirely on how hard it was. You should of just stopped the car and had her throw it out or get out of your car. But anyways,
If you expressed anger physically that is "abusive". But if it was just a side nudge and not thrusting her body into the door, then it's not really abuse. But as a man you shouldn't be doing that kind of thing anyways. You don't want to get involved in that game. You might end up hurting her one day completely in accident and you'll have abused her solely because you were used to physically expressing your anger.