Dating someone with herpes?

I met this girl, I like her a lot, but she told me on a date last night that she has genital herpes. I'm glad she was upfront with it, but I'm not sure how to go forward with this. Have you ever dated someone with herpes or do you have herpes? Any advice helps.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You have to educate yourself about herpes.
    How often does she have outbreaks?
    Is she taking anti viral medication to minimize the transmission rate?
    80 percent of people have the oral form.
    20 percent have the genital form.
    There's also a huge amount of those who don't even know they have it because their symptoms are so mild or they are asymptomatic.
    Even when outbreaks are at bay , the virus is always shedding.
    With proper precaution (medication and not having sex during outbreaks ) the transmission rate is next to nothing (less than 5 percent).
    You have to decide if it's worth moving forward with this girl or not.
    Can you handle the possibility of having a incurable disease? I find the disease isn't what is so devastating itself but rather the stigma behind it.
    People judge those harshly with stds especially one which is incurable.

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What Girls Said 14

  • I have herpes. I got it from my boyfriend who didn't know he had gotten it from an ex who cheated on him. Would I have chosen to live with it, probably not, but is it the end of the world? No. I have had one outbreak, the initial one, and been fine since, some days I even forget about it.
    My only fear is what I will do if, god forbid, I break up with my boyfriend and have to be in the dating world. That's what you need to ask yourself, is this girl worth the possibility of getting an incurable disease? Do you like her enough to want to be with her for am extended period of time? Are you going to be okay with dating with herpes if you break up and you have it?
    Like @Stacyzee said it is more the negative views people have on the disease, than the disease itself that are the hard parts. I have sat listening to conversations at work about how people would never date someone with herpes and they don't even think they could be friends with someone with herpes because its so gross. It hurts emotionally but you learn to deal with the ignorance.
    All in all it comes down to a judgement call about whether or not you can handle the emotional and possible physical side effects. (I said possible because not everyone exhibits symptoms, my boyfriend didn't know he had it until I had an outbreak) Just take things slow, don't make a decision now and wait on having sex until you have made a decision. But if she was open with you, make sure you are open with her about what you are thinking.

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  • Never had that situation but I imagine, if you really like her, use protection and refrain during a breakout phase. Isn't there drugs she can take? I've seen commercials that always show the happiest of couples doing romantic things together.

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  • You have to read up on it and get all the info, because it seems that the meds prescribed reduce possibility of transmission, outbreaks are not all the time and nor is she contagious all the time. So for sure a condom helps and if she takes the meds it would appear that it's much less of a risk to you.

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  • This is awful, but it would not continue in a relationship like that... Never ever.

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    • Regardless of how they got it.. if it was because they were just too careless or because they were cheated on, that is really sad and unfortunate, but I would still not proceed with that relationship.

  • that's a bad idea :v

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  • No, you probly think I'm an asshole for this but I really suggest you don't date her, if I knew someone I was dating had herpes I would never touch them cause I wouldn't want to get an incurable disease from them for life especially in the end if the relationship didn't workout,... im sure its not her fault or say she is full of disease cause that's just mean but you know what I mean...

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  • no, and i would never. being responsible and using protection is important. Obviously, they didn't practice restraint and using protection. So id never date someone with genital herpes.

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    • People can be responsible and use protection and still get herpes... I have only ever been with my current boyfriend but he had it and didn't know and now I have it. Its more common than you'd think.

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    • No surprise that you didn't read. I said 80 percent has oral herpes and 20 percent has the genital form, those are the statistics that I use that will come up if you search.
      You're a judgmental child, and that is all!
      You need a bib to clean up the slobber you're making all over this post.

    • Whatever you say after this, I will fail to respond. My belly hurts with the laughter I've had from reading your responses. I literally cannot take it anymore. You are the definition of the ugly words you throw out.
      You are dismissed!
      I will go about my day!

  • I'm a Lpn studying to become a RN, there's nothing wrong with dating someone that has herpes as long as there taking there medications as directed and you guys use protection when having sex. You are only vulnerable to the disease when your partner is having an outbreak.

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    • "You are only vulnerable to the disease when your partner is having an outbreak" That part is simply not true. Herpes is a disease that always sheds, that means the person infected with it always poses a risk to pass it on to others. However, during the non-outbreak phase the disease is less likely to be transmitted (but it's definitely not an impossible case).

    • Like Stacyzee said you can get herpes even when the person doesn't have an outbreak. That's how many people get it without knowing that their partner had it.

  • I wouldn't. If you do go on with dating her then you should ask her more questions about her condition so you know more of what to expect and so you know more about it.

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  • I couldn't date someone who has herpes, especially because I'd be at risk of getting it as well.

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  • No & I wouldn't.

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  • It just depends, if you were to date it'll be a lot more complicated but it's not impossible to be with someone who has herpes. It just depends what you're willing to do, and maybe make some sacrifices sexually.

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  • I do have genital herpes which I ended up getting from my ex. Even though I was absolutely upset when I found out I had the std, I don't let it get to me. Luckily I lasted five years until my next outbreak, and every outbreak lasts about a week. It's a killer, but with the correct medication, it makes it easier to deal with. I don't take medication on a daily basis for it like some people do, only when it's active. It's very great of her to have told you that, huge props to her! I bet anything a lot of people know they have it and never say anything to the person they're dating. I would too have to tell the next person I begin dating about my std, but I wouldn't be hurt if they decide to not continue the dating from there. Everyone has the right to protect themselves. It's up to you if you'd like to still date her. If you do choose to, you have to make sure to keep yourself very protected and realize that even if she doesn't have any visible symptoms of an outbreak, there is a good chance you may catch the std. So always be prepared for that chance. Good luck to you!

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  • Like 1 in 5 people have genital herpes according to stats. Not everyone knows, however. So you roll the dice with every new partner. There are ways to protect yourself from contracting it, and for a lot of people who do get it, it doesn't have much of an impact on their life at all. But... the bad news is that it's not curable.

    Just take it nice and slow to decide how you feel - no need to rush to a decision.

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What Guys Said 10

  • You should probably watch this.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU4VcOQzQm0

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  • Which kind of herpes does she have?
    HSV-1 or HSV-2?
    Cos HSV-1 , most people already got em. Hell , most people caught them when they were toddlers , all that shared toys and mat are crawling with HSV-1.

    HSV-2 tho.
    Oooooh.
    PASS!
    I'd like to be clean thank you very much.

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  • Only STD infestation I'd date is Jessica Alba lmao

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  • has she tried
    olive leaf extract
    also dr sebi do the research

    tell her those

    text her now and if it works she'll be herpes free okay

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  • I'd end it. That's a deal breaker.

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  • id move on.

    i take care of myself through not taking the easy way out. if they dont have the same mentality, they are not gonna help me grow.

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  • Condom will take care of it. The problem might come if she doesn't like that you won't go down on her.

    I think the fact that she told you is totally cool on her part - she's honest and upfront about any serious things going on.

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  • Educate yourself and ask a doctor if it's okay to interact with her by any form. Place your health first, before you regret anything that will affect your life.

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  • Encourage her to deal with it. If she won't, then fuk that.

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  • don't do it

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