Is it unreasonable to ask him to delete evidence of our past dating history?

Basically we split up. A year ago. Six months on he'd told me he kept our Facebook messages (even although we weren't together) because sometimes he liked to read over the good parts of our relationship. I wanted him to delete them back then because there wee loads of toxic messages in there too.

Its been a whole year now? And a whole year where he's been mostly angry towards me and hurtful. We're not even friends on Facebook, and the final straw for me was him getting a love bite from a stranger after a whole year of us being broken up. And me finding out by seeing the mark on his neck.

I mean, that's it for me. There's no going back now even if I want to. At the same time, I'd feel better knowing he deleted our past history on Facebook since, it's history after all. It's no longer relevant.

Is it unreasonable of me to ask that he does this? I want to text him and see what he says. Perhaps he's deleted them by now, but I wanna make sure. Our whole dating history is held within those messages.

  • It is unreasonable of you to ask.
    50% (8)40% (4)46% (12)Vote
  • It's perfectly reasonable of you to ask.
    19% (3)20% (2)19% (5)Vote
  • It really shows you've accepted things are done.
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  • It's weird of you to ask.
    31% (5)40% (4)35% (9)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
If you're sayings it's apparently unreasonable then why? He's moved on? Why the heck would I want him keeping old memories and a lot of them bad ones at that?
Come guys, could do with some actual input here.

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Most Helpful Girl

What Guys Said 5

  • 1. After one year, why would you still be entertaining the possibility of going back to a failed relationship.

    2. You have an obligation to yourself to do what helps you to move on from this experience and you have no obligation to do anything for him. He has an obligation to do whatever helps him and no obligation to you. Why would you expect him to care about your request to delete the messages?

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    • Because some people don't give up? as easily as the rest of the blinking world seems to.

      See that's just selfishness. I don't get what it isnwitn break ups and selfish people, but it always seems to rear its ugly head. It's all about the 'me me me' mentality. Well, he should care. And he must have since he still hadn't deleted them after a year, anyway.

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    • I am trying to pay attention and be responsive to your questions.

      I agree that some people give up too easily. My ex-wife came home one day and said, "I've decided I don't want to be married any more." You are preaching to the choir when you talk about people giving up too easily. However, we separated, we have now been divorced for a year, and I would never go back to her. I haven't talked to her and I haven't seen her since the day our divorce was final. As long as you haven't broken up, fight like hell to save your relationship. . . but once it is over, accept that it is over, it didn't work, and move forward with your life.

      After one year, wanting him to delete your messages says you still care about it and that means you haven't moved on. Holding on to that stuff - the caring about what he is saying or doing or thinking - that will eat you up!

    • Well. Everybody's scenarios are different and everybody gives up for different reasons. Sometimes they feel it's all there is left to do. And maybe in my specific situation? We didn't give up because we stopped loving each other. And maybe because feelings were still very much present on both sides, we ended up getting into a horrible break up mess, that could well have been avoided. Maybe I caused our entire break up, maybe I didn't fight for him like I should have and maybe now? I'm realising and regretting. And maybe it's been hard for me to accept that I'm too darn late. So perhaps knowing that everything is final, helps.

  • I think it is unreasonable for you to ask that.
    Those were messages traded between you and him willingly. They are as much yours as they are his. He has all the right to keep them if he wants, or just to leave it there. (Why would you even delete a convo on facebook? it doesn't run out of space and it's private anyway...)

    And what is wrong with liking the good parts? Everyone has their memories, and just because you are not together now, he was once happy (I guess?), or even if he was angry, he may still want to keep it.

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    • I don't see the point. I delete all history with exes to avoid looking over messages in future. Plus he's clearly moved on and they're full of bad memories, so I don't get why he should keep them.

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    • No I mean I've deleted the vast majority. It was just when I was scrolling through message logs the other night I noticed the remaining ones and wondered if he'd ever deleted his. Turns out he kept them from start to finish. I didn't force it exactly. I just asked if he had and then said there was no point in keeping them. At which point he told me he'd deleted them. Anyway. He claims to have deleted them now, anyway. Surely he wouldn't lie about something as trivial :/

  • Old memories are a part of his life. No reason that he should have to delete them. And there is certainly no reason for you to be upset that he has a love bite from someone else so long after you broke up. Sounds like you have some issues.

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    • Why keep them though? They serve no purpose. Eh, excuse me, stranger... but you don't know what our relationship was like and you can't put a timeline on when I should feel alright about things. So you and your issues can take a hike.

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    • And :he: knows the situation as well as you do, and for him they must serve a purpose, "and that's that". And the person who is thick is yourself. If you did not want to hear anything but what you imagine is the truth, why did you ask for opinions, since obviously you do not ever listen to anybody?

    • I have selective hearing. I'll choose who I want listen to, it won't be obnoxious folk who's advice I take at the end of the day :)

  • I voted it is weird of you to ask, yet you could ask if you want. This is always a problem with shared histories, ugrmph. If you are not even friends, why does it bother you whether he deletes the messages or not? Even if history is no longer relevant (hard to say for sure), that is no reason to just wipe it out and forget it. There are reasons for keeping histories, even bad ones. Is it really for you decide what memories he should keep? Again, I ask why it matters to you so much?

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    • I just... don't want him to remember the bad parts of our relationship and how it ended. The bad memories are in the Facebook messages. As well as that, he's kissed another girl now, so it really is, history.

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    • If it really is as complicated as you say, then you can't entirely be the reason it ended, can you? No, you cannot. Are you who I think you are? I don't want to derail this thread. Bad memories are better than none, right? He might actually like those memories you think are so bad. Maybe we should discuss this off the thread, so as not to derail it.

    • Really? I can be. I gave this guy a lot of hassle and there's only so much a person can take before they snap :/. Um, I'm not sure I'm who you think I am? But I'd be happy to go into more detail if you wanna message me :)

  • you two had memories, you two are no more, you have the option to delete it.

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What Girls Said 5

  • That's something that's out of your control and it is honestly weird and unreasonable. I mean the relationship was both of yours, so he can move on from it however he wants to, while you've done the same. Asking for him to delete it seems like you want to gain some more control over the relationship and seems like you're going out of your way to let him know that you're over him a year later, which sounds like you really aren't over him.

    Best way to show him you don't care is to genuinely not care. It won't affect you and is out of your control. What's done is done, it's in the past. Contacting him will bring some of that stuff back.

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    • That's true. We are in contact now and then and that's the problem. Guess I wish I could erase the bad memories, and his too.

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    • Yeah, just remember that he's an ex for a reason and you guys weren't able to fix whatever was fixable for a reason. It just didn't happen.

    • The reason was me though. That's the thing :/ it was fixable, I was just unable to see the problems I was making because I was in the situation.

  • He can do what he wants its none of your business anymore. You broke up! For all you know he already deleted it. If he's bothering you then block him. The fact that you're so concerned about what he's doing proves that you're definitely not over him.

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    • Yeah he hadn't deleted it. I'm not over him? And what of it. Don't need random strangers pointing that out, ta :)

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    • You're the one taking things personally. I'm just laying down facts that you can't handle. If you don't like what I have to say then don't respond. It's really simple

    • Hahaha, ok ☺️

  • Its more than reasonable

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  • Let him be, he wants to do that? It's his choice.

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    • fair enough. Is just rather we were both rid of them.

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    • Still not your problem.

    • I know that but there's no point clinging onto stuff that doesn't matter. At lest I know if he deletes the messages, he's deleting our history. Which weirdly makes moving on slightly easier.

  • Yes, I think it is a bit unreasonable.

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