Girls, Do you think it's time for me to give up on relationships?


I'm 20 years old, suffer from Aspeger's disease, and have not had a serious relationship. I have had girlfriends, but many of them were abusive or using me to kill time when I was new to the whole concept of dating. One of my exes actually tried to kill me (I'll spare the details unless anybody really wants them) and that was around two years ago. I still have strong trust issues, especially with women. My last girlfriend dumped me after telling me how much she wanted to marry me and have children (and tons of other crap I sort of didn't buy from the beginning anyways because of my inability to trust)... and it was right after I was truly beginning to open up to her and let her know about my depression and all the issues it's given me. I figured she wasn't worth it anyways. If she left me for my depression, she would have neglected whatever kids we may have had over it. And I would be damned if I brought kids into this world that went through the same neglect as I did with my mother (who's now entirely toxic and there's no way I can even have a normal conversation with her at this point).

This all in mind, I'm sure I'm going to get those generic "you're young, you'll find the one" answers... but I honestly can't buy that. Call me a sexist pig, but, I really am starting to feel like all the girls in my age range never know what the fuck they want and kind of think alike. Now, theoretically, I could ditch the video games and writing and my other passions and just turn myself into a hulking sports fanatic and probably get whoever I wanted... but what would that be? It would be living a lie. My life right now is, no doubt, miserable but at the very least I'm not with a fake who only wants me for looks or money. But if I continue to live like this... I probably won't find anybody. Do you think it's best for me to just give up on relationships completely and focus solely on my own interests?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • How about trying to meet an older woman? (Like mid-20s lol.)

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    • I'm actually attracted to older women more than younger. But I feel like I couldn't give them what they deserve if they looked past my flaws. Still living at home, going to college/working but no car so I'm sure they'd just laugh at me.

What Girls Said 3

  • Don't give up :( Not everyone is like that. I actually suffer from some stuff as well and I've had guys tell me that they didn't want to date me because I had "too many problems". So men can be jerks like that too. I think the problem is less about gender and more about people in general. I found love, someone who cares about me with my faults and loves me for who I am, but it took a lot of sorting through shitty people to find him. I'm sure you can too :)

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  • Your only 20 and very young that is no reason to give up and keep you heard up no matter what. :)

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  • 1. I know plenty of people in their 20's who have never been in a relationship. Myself included.
    2. Trust issues are definitely something that you need to work on (something a lot of people need to work on). You might want to build your own self esteem before you go out looking for another relationship. Another tip for handling trust issues: don't go looking for a relationship. Look for someone you click with, someone you enjoy being with. Take it date by date.
    3. ^going off of that, a lot of people don't know what they want. You can't go on a first date expecting it to turn into a relationship. You can't go on a first date and ask the girl if she would be willing to be in a relationship with you. How is she supposed to answer that on the first date? Like I said, take it date by date. I think you're focusing too much on the future and putting too much pressure on yourself to find a girlfriend. Just find someone that you like going on dates with and take those baby steps.
    4. No, you shouldn't change who you are just to get a girl. But you also shouldn't generalize a whole group of people. That won't help you get any dates.
    5. You don't have to "give up" on relationships, but it's okay to stop looking. Sometimes when we look too hard it puts too much pressure on ourselves and we become frustrated when it doesn't happen. Sounds like that's where you are right now. You are so young at 20 years old, it would be silly to swear off relationships for the next 60+ years. But you can take sometime to yourself, and maybe in a year you'll be ready to go out looking again.

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