How do I gently let a guy down?

One of my closest friend's best friend has asked me out :/ I don't see him in that way but I do really like him as a friend. How do I let him down as gently as possible? :( I really don't want to upset him because he's pretty much opened his heart out to me :(

Updates:
In case it wasn't clear, he's one of my best friend's friend. I'm not particularly close with him but we're in the same social group

0|0
9|22

Most Helpful Guy

  • How did he ask you out? What did you say in the heat of the moment?

    Let him know what you appreciate about him ( a personality trait or something, that he is funny, that he is caring, that is always there for all his friends) and that you admire he had the power to ask you out. Explain that you are currently not seeing yourself in a relationship.

    I tend to fall for girls that really are special and I love them either way, as a friend or lover. so getting rejected would be "ok, I see, well... not what I expected but hey... life!" *give her a kiss* *laugh*
    Honestly for a while I'd be like "yes, I am in love with you and I said it, deal with it!" and I don't feel insulted at all for getting rejected.

    But for some it feels like the end of the world. in that case, there is nothing that you can say to avoid him from getting hurt at all or from having a small grudge on you... it happens. but you can minimize those.

    "I don't want you to take this to hard on yourself or to feel awkward about it, so I will stay here and be awkward with you for a while. *smile at him*."
    if you feel like it, you can give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. that would somehow show him you also care about him to some extent,... in a friendly way. But only if you feel like it...

    he might stop interacting with you that much for a while or try to avoid the group, he will be down and miserable.
    i think it would be ok to compensate and don't leave him alone in his puddle. if you don't say anything and accept his.. separation from the group, he might take it as you being annoyed by his presence.
    So ask if he is ok, if he does not go out as much, try to man him up a bit, give him a message "hey X, we are waiting for you and not going without you" or something like that. You get the point.

    1|0
    0|0
    • thank you for MHO!
      let me know how it went though. I am curious to know what happened.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Aww... thats never happening.

    1|1
    0|0
    • You care about him as a friend not in that sort of way.

    • Show All
    • Aw good luck! :D

    • Oh sweet apple! If I get this! Damn! lol I'll be scream from outer space! YAY! lol

What Guys Said 21

  • "I like you as a friend, but I don't feel the romantic connection". I'm sorry, but I know there is a great girl out here for you. Have you talked to "XYZ". I think she likes you.

    E. g. redirect him... it will help let him down easier and give hope. but be honest you aren't interested.
    Oddly though, often when I hear a girl say, I really don't like such and such, if some element changed, they would. why don't you dig him?

    1|1
    0|0
  • " I am really really flattered that you feel that way about me and that makes me feel guilty because I can't reciprocate the feelings . To be frank, I don't feel the same way about you and I don't think I'll ever do. I dont want to be the girl who led you on and broke your heart. Try to understand me :( "

    1|1
    0|0
    • DO NOT SAY 'let's just be friends'. Nothing about friendship. Those are signature dialogues of friendzoning and will make him mad. Reject him.. don't friendzone him.

    • I agree, the let's be friends crap is so clich├ęd, at least take the time to write something on your own.

  • I am not saying you have to be mean, but avoid being over-gentle and ABSOLUTELY AVOID giving him fake excuses.
    As a guy who has been rejected dozens of times and have had very, very few success with women I can tell you: there is nothing worst of fake excuses.

    This is the point. I know I'm not attractive, and there is nothing wrong with that, it is not the end of the world, I have other qualities. But in the very first second you are gonna say BS to me, I will get that you also think I'm stupid, enough to buy 'em, and this is incredibly offensive toward EVERYONE, men or women.

    1|2
    0|0
  • Just let him down easy tell him your appreciate it and that you think he's a great guy but that you just don't see him that way and you can't return feelings that you, yourself don't have.

    I've been put in this position before several times with friends of my sisters, it's never fun having to reject someone /: but if you don't you just lead them on and that can have bigger consequences down the line.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Speak straight from the heart in a kind way

    1|1
    0|0
  • Much more important to be firm and polite. Leave no room for doubt that it's not going to happen.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Really there is no easy way if he is a psycho now you will find out if he doesn't take your rejection well by stalking you XD lol. Have fun filler.

    1|1
    0|0
  • If you are sure you do not like him, you should tell him you don't like him sexually; in an intimate, close, sensual encounter kind-of way; would not date him or be involved romantically with him; kiss him; or even hug him. *sarcasm* No, just be honest and clear. Why not even drop being friends if you are not that close?

    1|0
    0|0
  • That's a situation no one wants to be in
    So either you have to say the truth that you don't see him more than a friend or lie to him that you like a guy 😶

    1|1
    0|0
  • Tell him you just want to be friends. I'd say it's the safest way to go about it, and I don't think it'd hurt him too bad.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Tell him the truth just like that , with a nice smile , he will accept it

    1|1
    0|0
  • "I am flattered that you feel that way about me, but I like you as a friend. Im sorry but I have to friend zone you. Its what I want, nothing personal".

    1|1
    0|0
  • Don't bother trying to be easy. Far better to take a bullet to the head than a knife to the chest and bleed to death.

    1|0
    0|0
  • "I really like him as a friend" if I could earn one Euro every time a naive girl says that...

    1|1
    0|0
  • Talk to him about it in a nice way. And if that those not work your going to have to break some eggs.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Tell him you're not interested, but don't be surprised if he doesn't talk to you again.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Just say to him "eww, you're ugly" that way you're turning him down and he will still appreciate it cause you're being so honest with him :D LOL

    0|1
    0|0
  • Just tell him NO. That simple! If you "Let him down gently" He's still going to think there is a chance! That's how guys work!

    girl + nice to us = we have a chance!

    Just tell him, "Thanks but I REALLY don't see you that way. I don't want to date you but I don't want to make things messed up for our group or you getting mad and talking crap. I don't hate you or think your sick or anything. I'm just not attracted to you." There. Problem solved.

    0|0
    0|0
  • give him a blowy ;)

    0|1
    0|0
  • I've been in this situation before with a close girl friend of mine. I know how awkward you feel but I just very gently told her "I'm really flattered but I don't feel exactly the same way. I like you as a friend".
    It has to be said. It would be unfair to keep them hanging.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Well this is why you are constantly single and complaining about men all the time. it's because you friendzone the guys who actually care about you.

    1|1
    0|0
    • I can't lead a guy on if I feel no attraction to them :/
      I'm sorry but that'd just be wrong to him and myself

    • Well don't complain about not finding the right man when they are practically giving themselves to you

What Girls Said 8

  • Just be honest. There is no gentle way to say it because rejection never feels good.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Just tell him the truth but don't be abrasive. I have had to do is before, it doesn't make me feel good at all. 😔

    1|0
    0|0
  • Tell him that you just don't see him in that kind of way, the sparks are just not sparking.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Honesty is the policy here. If you aren't, you will misleAd him.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Say you don't wanna mess up the friendship

    1|2
    0|0
    • We don't have that much of one to begin with though :/

    • Show All
    • Oh dear you're really in an awkward position here then lol Still be straightforward with him and say you don't think you two would be good for each other.

    • That's funny because even friends that like each other like that may say that too.

  • You just have to be honest, say you're flattered but you just don't see him that way but you really don't want to loose him as a friend.
    Good luck!

    1|0
    0|0
  • Just tell him your going out as friends ONLY!!

    1|1
    0|0
  • Let him know quickly before he starts think he actually has a chance lmfao. But, be nice about it. I'm sure you wouldn't like to be rejected by someone you liked either.

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...