(please read all) I'm 14 years old (almost 15) and a virgin and I really dont want to have sex yet. I want to save my virginty for someone special like my husband. Not that my boyfriends not special but I mean he's only my boyfriend and we could break up and stuff. I know other people have different opinions on when they have sex but this is just my opinion I want to wait till I'm a little older (I'm not super religious or like a really good kid or anything) thats just my opinion. But whenever I go out and hang with other guys or "flirt" with other guys at school (which I'm not purposely trying to do I dont even consider it flirting) then my boyfriend tells me I owe him sex to make up for it. And i truly do love him and dont want to make him mad. And i know he likes me as well. But like when he gets mad at me he acts all mean or ignores me or we fight which I dont want to do because then he purposely flirts with other girls in front of me. (dont tell me to leave this guy either. I am determined to make this work out) he used to ask for nudes when i owed him something which I would give him but one time he sent his friend who's also my friend my nudes (even tho he said he doesn't want anyone else seeing my body) So I no longer send him nudes so now he asks for sex. And I just dont know what to do. help please? Should I just have sex?
He also cheated on me once for 3 months. But the other girl dumped him. I didn't find out until it was over and a friend of his told me. Aka the one he sent nudes to. He denies it for a month but I've seen pictures of them making out and stuff. And holding hands. But he promised he won't do it again.
Let me make this very clear: sex is something people choose to have with each other, because they want to experience it, and they want the other person to experience it with them.
No one, ever, under any circumstances, OWES another person sex. Sex is something you do because, and only because, you want to.
If he is serious about you owing him sex, then I suggest you be serious about the fact that "he is just a boyfriend and you could still break up," and break up with him. Because if he thinks what you owe him is sex, he deserves to find out the only think he has coming is being single again.
1) You don't ever OWE anyone sex. Never, under any circumstances, not even if you're married.
2) This dude is just trying to guilt you into putting out. If you do, he'll probably dump you and find someone else.
3) You're 14. You think you know what's up. You don't. When I was 14, I thought I knew what was up too... every 14 year old does, and we were all wrong. You will not make this work. 14 year old's relationships do not survive. They're practice relationships that you learn from so you can hopefully do a little better as an adult. Don't hold on to this, it's not worth it.
4) This boy does not respect you at all. He manipulates you by guilt tripping you. He used your emotions for him to pressure you into sending him nudes. He's sexually profiting from your unhappiness and guilt, now he's upping the ante to try to get sex instead of pics. That's fucked up.
5) You only know of one time he showed your nudes to people. I guarantee, if he showed your nudes once, he's shown them many times, probably to many people. You just don't know about it.
What Dandeus said... he's treating you like he is a jerk, therefore he is one. You owe him nothing.
The one thing I'd say is because you apparently flirt with othe rguys, then there is somethiung special for this relationship with him... whatever that is. maybe it is a kiss. but that is what is special and as far as you go.
I count you as wise to have the boundaries and know yourself as well as you do. you have self esteem, this guy is trying to tear it down and cave your boundaries and that is poisonous in any relationship. Thats understandable since he's young and selfish. Reality is, if that is what he wants, he has to go elsewhere...
First thing's first. You don't owe anybody your body. This guy wants nudes and sex because he's a horny teen. We've all been there. Hell I still like sex. However, the difference is teens are in that in-between stage.
Yes you too. You're in that in-between stage. Pretty much all teens are. In-between meaning in-between being a child and being an adult. Y'all's bodies (this includes the brain) are becoming more and more like adults, but y'all have yet to reach it. This causes inconsistency. So for example guys may horse play in HS. When they become adults they are liable to fight, but not horse play. They also develop into assertiveness as opposed to just sheer, raw, aggression (usually).
So in your BF's case again he's horny and likes sex, but he's too immature to understand the responsibilities that come with it. His body and your body literally are underdeveloped. This is why he has tries to make you jealous by talking to other girls. That's immature, HS, stuff. Not the adultworld. I feel like if you (meaning you and your boyfriend.. if the shoe fits...) are still stuck in a child's world (like most teens are) then maybe sex isn't for you. Sex is for adults. Not children, and teens are still children who are just starting to reach adulthood. Doesn't mean they are there yet.
So in short:
Owe my boyfriend sex? Nope.
Should I just have sex? Nope.
You two clearly aren't old enough. Not mature enough. And more than likely not responsible enough.
First and foremost I agree 100 percent with you view on sex.. wait till you are ready.. and also you do not owe this guy no sex at all.. ever, he just wants to get laid.. that is what most guys want.. I do not just want that from any women.. I only want it if me and my lady friend both do.. I do not push nothing on any women.. tell this guy that if he thinks you owe him sex.. tell him I think I deserve I deserve to find another guy.. one that will respect my decision.. take care now
Well, I've got a religious background, but even if you want the secular angle: no. You're only 14, so still really young in the grander picture, for starters. You've got plenty of time to meet the person you'll want to spend the rest of your life with (and by extent, have such an intimate connection to). And you have to ask yourself, how will YOU feel after the fact? You'll know in your heart of hearts it was wrong, or at least that you didn't want it, and you'll likely feel dirty and used. And when you do meet your "someone special", how special is it really going to be if he's not your first, you let yourself be taken by some snot nosed punk to deal with a feeling that you owed him something?
I was gonna tell you to walk away from this guy, yeah. I don't understand how in the world you would be determined to want to work it out with somebody like that. It is clear and simple: let go of this guy. Holding on and trying to make it work is only gonna bring you more and more distress to a point of maybe even endangering yourself.
I am fourteen as well and I have never had a girlfriend but from the ones in my school I know that there is nothing more serious than hugging. I don't think that any of the couples plan on getting married or stuff like that so I think you should realize that your definitely not going to be with this guy for the rest of your life. I honestly can't believe that he asked for nudes. That is illegal. If I were you I would try to talk to someone about it. Maybe your counselor. But as far as this guy goes, you owe him something. You owe him a kick on the butt because if he wants to have sex with you at the age of fourteen then he obviously has no Respect for you. The final thing I feel I need to say is that as far as your determination to make things work, although it is a good sentiment, it may be foolish to cintinue doing what your doing if it will ruin your life. Like if you try to build fire but each time the rain keeps messing with it. Eventually you need to just give up or move to another spot. It's clear that the relationship your in isn't beneficial in any way whatsoever to you and there fore you should just end it. I hope you make the right choice and kick this guy out of your life. -Adam
A relationship is a give and take, you must learn to stand up for yourself and where to draw the line, you can understand his feelings all you want but if he doesn't respect yours thats where you have to stand up and say "i need to be respected."
then do what most girls won't... can't, and wait. though, you're to wanna wait. i also don't think this is a healthy relationship either... i think you should leave. he's emotionally abusing to bend you to his will, and the fact that you're asking '' Should I just have sex?'' is a clear sign that it's working.
You don't owe him sex. No one ever owes anyone sex. Period. And if he says you owe him sex for something as ridiculous as talking to other guys, he's as insecure as he is smarmy. Put as much distance between yourself and this jackass as you can.
you do not owe your boyfriend anything. I'm a guy (14) and I'm having the same worries about if i ever get a girlfriend, will i got on or will she pick someone else because i don't want to have sex until much later in my life? keep yourself safe and happy before you try to make others happy. if you don't want sex, you should feel the need to do it just because he's asking you. thats manipulation on his part. hope this helped!
He should actually dump you... cause you think that he is JUST a boyfriend and he might breakup with you and shit... And somehow you should have sex with your future husband only and not him... He should dump you that kinda thought process you have... That's Bad thinking..
You don't owe him sex... And don't have sex if your feel like you don't want to... But change your thinking... Think like this that your are with your boyfriend now and if your love him then you will get married to him one day... But you are way immature... Cause you also flirt with other guys which is wrong and slutty
"dont tell me to leave this guy either. I am determined to make this work out" therefore... "Should I just have sex?" > Yes.
Get away from that kid. He is nothing but a user. He is immature and doesn't care about anyone but himself. Best advice, cut ties, tell him to fuck off and don't date till after you are out of high school. Kids are idiots when it comes to dating, relationships, and sex...
no sweets :) do not give it away your virginity is something you only have 1 time and can give it away one time. if he loved you the way you loved him he would respect you and your body and honesty I'm going to sound like a mom when i say this but so be it your 14 talking to boys having friends laughing and smiling getting in to a little trouble now and then is all the things you should be doing at your age. sex is not something you should be worrying about at your age and i think you know deep down that you are not ready otherwise you would not be on hear asking other people what they think. you never owe any thing from you body it is your body and you decide what to do with it. also if he loved you he never want to hurt you by flirting with other woman in front of you. i know you do not want to leave him but you have a choice to make whats more important to you. your body heart soul and self steam or him some gay that you even said may not be there in the long run. plise from one woman to another put you self fierst love you're self fierst take care of youer self fierst.
you are only 14 years old. matter of fact, i wouldn't care if you were 24 you still wouldn't owe him anything. this is your body and if he can't respect you and your wishes then he doesn't really care about you. this guy dos not care about you at all. once you have sex with him he will drop you and move onto another girl. if you stay with him you will regret it. he is already showing blatant red flags that he ain't shit so if you stay with him he's not going to magically start respecting you
he has shown his friend nude pics of you (and prob showed other people that you dont know about) and he is demanding sex even though you are not ready and willing
you are young so you dont see that he is not a good person and doesn't really care about you. having sex is not an option because once you do that he will leave anyway. so dump him.
No. No no no no. If you're not ready you're not ready. You never owe anyone your body. I don't know what you should do because you don't want to leave this dude, but just know at least that he shouldn't treat you the way he does. He shouldn't be mean to you when you fight because that damages the relationship when you say things you don't mean. And he really also shouldn't be doing hurtful things to "get back at you".
First off, don't send anyone your nudes. That's illegal and people could get thrown in jail for being in possession of child pornography. Second, LEAVE THIS GUY. He's being immature, manipulative and abusive. You won't make it work with this guy. Don't have sex with someone just because they ask you to. You NEVER owe anyone sex. Not him, not your future husband, not anyone. Sex is a mutual exchange that happens because both parties involved want it. Nobody is ever entitled to sex, and him thinking you owe him sex is fucked up. Please dump this guy, he's seriously bad for you.
Do not have sex with him. I repeat DO NOT. You obviously don't want to do it now, as you said you want to save it for someone special. You do not owe him anything, definitely not sex. He is just trying to pressure you into giving him what he wants. Don't do it, you will probably regret it.
Just tell him. He forces you into it then its going to make you resent each other. and your 14. You shouldn't be 'making it work' with someone like that either way but your too young to be tied down to someone emotionally blackmailing you. thats not love. Thats manipulation
No don't do it. 14 is a young age. Your boyfriend might be special. But I would say not, he's testing his bondres. If he asking you to have sex with him even if you say no, he is not respecting you, and if he's flirting with other girls he's obviously not mature enough to have sex. You need to wait until you get married. Don't waste something as important as ones virginity on an immature boy. Really you should break up with him.