Should I give this guy a second chance?

So I went on a few dates with a guy and we really clicked, and I've stayed over at his a few times during those encounters. Anyway, I didn't hear from him after the last time I saw him. At first it hurt a bit, but I moved on and threw myself into speaking to new people, and even had one date (it didn't go anywhere). After 2 weeks I receive a detailed apology text from him, saying his training for a marathon had kept him busy and he didn't want for us to end. I initially dismissed his message, but after 10 days or so I replied saying I wish I'd known sooner if he was going to be busy and I would have been cool ending things there. He sent a long grovelling apology again, saying he was sorry he hurt me and that he was glad I was speaking to him again. He seemed sincere, and to be honest, he seems to have grown some balls and realised his mistake. Anyway, I said I'd be open seeing him again, as I did quite like him and we had a good connection. However, am I making a mistake in giving him a second chance? If he messes up again, I'll move on in a heartbeat.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Tell him that if he really wants to make a go of a relationship then you need him to understand that you need to be informed of things like that and if he really wants something with you then he has to commit to talkin about things before he just disappears or dose something because in a relationship it's just the right thing to do. Explane that if he's willing to do that your willing to give him another shot. As far as what you need to do forgiving him is important so good for you but it's understandable that you have concerns just keep in mind he is sorry and he is trying so give him at least a little slack. Now I'm not saying don't be a bit cautious I'm just saying give him another shot and if after you said what I told you to say up top enjoy the relationship and him. Just remember to let it go after a while don't hold it in and feel free to let him know how you feel about things. I'm sure you'll be fine I wish you both good luck and that you relationship stays strong. I hope my words have helped; good luck dear.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • YES, let him in one last time. You sound like a young lady who has a good head on your shoulders, so I'm trusting that you're as emotionally unattached as you say and that your description of this guy is accurate. Just keep this excellent forewarning from @fritz81 in your back pocket - "if he does do it again, I don't think you will move on that easily though." it may seem like you're more prepared because you're en guarde now and you've already let him go once. However, what she said is so true because you're actually putting yourself out there more the second time around since you're required to exercise maturity and understanding in order to make things work - which is one step closer to a relationship, all of which are predicated upon mutual compromise, forgiveness, and trust (here, that he won't fuck it up like before xD).

    One note to add from myself and JFK ;) - "let us never negotiate out of fear." Be careful not to spend more time on "not getting attached" instead of having fun and seeing where this goes. Enjoy this time, please! And remember the point of why you're giving him this second chance.

    Good luck, hun! Totally rooting for y'all.

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    • Thanks for the sound advice. He's really stepped up his game (more so when we were dating before he disappeared, bizarrely!) so we'll see how things flow. And yes, if things go Pete Tong and go back to like they were before then I will move on and meet new people. Yes, it might sting a bit but I wouldn't regret giving a second chance at the time, which felt right as you never know how it could have turned out. Dating and Life is not without a slight bit of risk (but certainly not my heart) - I just know what I want and I have the capacity to swiftly move on from any crap :)

What Guys Said 8

  • I would give him a second chance, if he is sincerely apologetic. If he communicates better too. If not no move on, 3 chances would be more than enough. Do make it clear to him your expectations before the fact not after. Get to the bottom of why he disappears too, could be he's working on a problem too.

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  • yes try again otherwise you may have regret. but try communicating first and setting boundaries and actually get to know him. that would be healthier.

    try talking instead of texting and say what kind of communication, openness, you need/want. it sounds like you are very reasonable you just need to know what is going on.

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  • Sounds like you already have a sound plan. If you think it's worth the risk, why not.

    Live and learn.

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  • it'll happen again. u'll see.

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  • Lol.. mark my words here.. your wasting your time with this guy. Dump this dude. Your better off

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  • Why not take a chance? You can always move on if he fucks up again.

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  • Dump him.

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  • give it a second chance.

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What Girls Said 10

  • I would let him know very affirmatively that just disappearing on someone is a very horrible way to do things. That he could have just sent a text or explained himself. I would ask him how you are not supposed to worry about him disappearing again if his life gets "busy" or whatever the excuse is. And then I would proceed with caution. Move slow, do not sleep with him again for a few times of seeing him. If he does do it again, I don't think you will move on that easily though. So I would just really tell him all of your concerns now and move very slow. Someone ghosted on me recently and I thought about it if he did try to come back and seemed sincere like this one and that is what I decided.

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    • Hi, thanks for the advice on my question. I've already told him that it hurt slightly and he should have explained himself, and he's apologised and is willing to put in the time. I will definitely move with caution, and I'm just letting things move on their own. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens. I'm not too emotionally attached, as its still early days for me; we had a good connection and I'm willing to take a chance and see if it goes any further. If he fucks up again, well, I'll move on and find a real man :)

  • The plan you mentioned is a solid one! I say follow that - you sound sensible.

    Sometimes, somehow, shit happens, and if you encounter a series of bad luck, where you can't find a guy you click as well with, you'll regret not making this move. Just don't forget that this *might* be a part of him. Good luck!

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  • Definitely see him again! I think to send an apology after so much time really speaks to the connection he shared with you, otherwise he'd have easily forgotten you and moved in as well. It may not go anywhere or it may be a story for your grand kids. You won't know unless you go. Good luck💜

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  • I don't see anything wrong with giving someone a second chance. Should he have let you know he was interested but would be busy? Yes, but nobody's perfect.

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  • Aww... If he doesn't have time for you what can you do! Just move on!

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  • It isn't a mistake.

    Syre he has the op. to mess up again but at least you'll know to leave. You never know what could happen next with him, good or bad. So why not?

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  • "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." :)

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  • No he is just being fake so you will hook up with him again.

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  • I think your head is exactly where it should be, yes give them another chance. If he messes up, you're gone

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  • I don't know...
    If he does it again, he's a player.
    It really depends on if u really like him

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