I think there is a difference between desire and wanting. One is healthy, the other isn't. I feel that I will never reach peak happiness until I am in a relationship. The one thing that will make me love myself the most is learning how to open up to someone else. Ugh..
I can understand why you are unhappy. I have lived through the same thing, from the male side of the fence. I can make a few practical suggestions. First, be aware that men are attracted to signs of health, fertility and overall good genetics. What this means is that if you are overweight you need to lose weight and get yourself toned and fit. Use a stylist to give yourself a makeover, which would include your wardrobe. Do a deportment course. Modelling agencies offer them. It is normal for girls from the top of the social pyramid to do such courses. What you learn will give you an advantage over girls who have not done such courses. Read the following books: 1. How to win friends and influence people, by Dale Carnegie 2. Awaken the giant within, by Anthony Robbins 3. The instant millionaire, by Mark Fisher. Fisher's book is not about making money, per se. It is about psychology, in particular how the choices that we make are determined by our self esteem. After you have done all of that, if you are still alone use the services of an old-fashioned introduction agency. You will find them in major cities. These are NOT dating sites. Avoid dating sites. They are toxic. An agency will have a physical office and will want you to go there for an interview. You will fill out a wish list and they will assess what you have to offer. Such agencies will try to match you with men with men who are what you are looking for. A big factor in your favour would be your age. Typically, in the 18 to 35 age range such agencies have five males on their books to every female. That begins to change at age 35 and by 40 they have five females to every male. Worst case, you will meet a lot of men and drink a lot of coffee. Using an agency puts the odds much more in your favour. Relying on random chance makes as much sense as planning your financial future by buying lottery tickets.
I'm 26 and never had one too lol but it sounds like you want to get close to someone. You're probably starting to feel like you want that affection now. And yea, you should open yourself up a little if you don't talk to anyone. BUT, I disagree with you about loving yourself by opening yourself up. If you aren't the social type and chit chat with everyone like a social butterfly, then you're just the alone type who doesn't need to talk to others to feel good about themselves.
The truth about boyfriends is that the more you have, the more likely you are to become stone cold, unable or unwilling to bond, and overflowing with too many complexities to be able to function at your best in a relationship. Do not idolize relationships because imperfect men (and women) will disappoint you.
If you do not love yourself, then you are not ready to be in a relationship. You must love yourself first otherwise the relationship will be unhealthy, you'll be needy and clingy, and depending on the guy, it can even turn into an emotionally and/or physically abusive relationship.
This is soooo cliche but you shouldn't depend on a guy to make u happy, you have to find that happiness from within. Achieve all u can. Enjoy life with ur friends & family. Try different things. Visit new places. Don't let ur world become centered around finding a guy. It can come off as very desperate when u do meet someone.
I'm not saying that it's wrong to want to be in a relationship either. Im just saying that I know people who were way too anxious to be in a relationship and they ended up regretting it and wish they had been more patient and more selective. Also, are u putting yourself out there? By that I mean, going out. That's a great way to meet guys to potentially date.