What do you do when the guy you like says he isn't religious?

I've been talking to this guy for about a month now. We got back in contact. We went to high school together and I had a crush on him in high school. We were chatting the other day and he said that he wasn't very religious at all. And he said that he wasn't a believer in God or Jesus. I was sad and disappointed to hear it. I asked him did something happen or if he always felt that way but he seemed like he didn't want to talk about it. Instead he responded "Is that a problem for you". I wasn't trying to force my views on him or anything. I just was curious as to what he didn't believe. It was a interesting conversation to me. But he kind of shut down and didn't seem to even want to talk about it. On Facebook his mom and little brother both identifies as Christians. So it seems that only he doesn't believe. I really am liking him like his personality and stuff but hearing that he doesn't believe in God and Jesus made me sad. I prayed for him. But what should I do?

Updates:
Sorry there was a typo. I meant to say I was curious as to why he didn't believe

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well it all comes down to can you be ok with him not being a believer or will this create a void that can't be crossed?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • My boyfriend doesn't believe in God and we had almost that same conversation but when he asked me if that bothered me I told him that it doesn't make me like him any less it just makes me worry about the safety of his sole after that I changed the conversation to politics.

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    • Yea I told him it didn't bother me when he asked. And yea I worry about the safety of his soul too.

    • Well after talking to him about how I felt about that we seemed to be a little closer

What Guys Said 16

  • Respect his position and don't be condescending.

    This might be hard to believe outside of your bubble, but the majority of the world doesn't believe Jesus is the Messiah. Billions of Hindus and Buddhists don't even acknowledge the God of Abraham. They are practically atheistic towards your belief system. He's not alone.

    Are you "sad" for them too? They don't need you to be, they will be just fine without your "blessing".

    What you should do is recognize that you are sacrificing what is real (him) for something that only survives based on faith. Newsflash: religion is bankrupt. Keeping him is more important than feeding a God that has no credibility in the material universe.

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    • People can believe what they want to believe. And I'm not trying to give my blessing to anyone. When I said I felt sad it was because I was disappointed because for me that's not what I want personally. They way you come off is aggressive, defensive and unhappy. No need, nothings but peace and happiness over here =) God bless you.

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    • Dude, you're kinda being condescending. Try to dial it back a bit please, other people are starting to get offended at the "tone" of your opinion.

  • "On Facebook his mom and little brother both identifies as Christians."

    I think that once sentence is important. He's probably faced a lot of questions and possibly hostility about his non-belief before and thought, "Here we go again," when you started to question him and that's why he shut down the conversation. As an atheist, I've lived through it, too. What should you do? Nothing. If his lack of belief is a non-starter for you liking him, then that ends the matter right there. But most non-religious persons I know can deal with a religious person as long as they aren't constantly questioning or trying to convert them. I think his question asking if it was a problem for you was a very fair one. When confronted with questioning of a religious nature, many of us non-believers want to know right up front if our beliefs are a problem for the person asking, because if they are, we tend to end the conversation right there. We don't like arguing about something in which we don't even believe, and don't feel we owe an explanation to anyone for our non-belief in a deity. So knowing that, you can go back and talk to him about anything else. If he feels like talking about his non-belief, fine, but if you keep harping on that subject, you're more than likely to push him away.

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    • Yea he actually asked me about my religious views first. So then in a lighthearted conversation I asked about his. I didn't over question him. I asked 2 questions. And I wasn't judgmental. I guess he faced things like what you have stated in the past so he shut down. But I didn't do the things that you described above. But I won't bring that topic back up. His path and faith and journey is his own.

  • People who aren't religious don't want you to be sad or feel bad for them. What if he treated you that way? You just gotta accept that part of them. Tolerance and acceptance goes both ways.

    The reason a lot of atheists such as myself don't like discussing religion with religious people is because many are used to having to walk on eggshells because people get really sensitive over religion. Even if you explain why you don't believe in the nicest possible way some people take it poorly. People don't like having to question their own convictions. They're so used to that comfort of everyone around them believing in the same thing. Also nonbelievers and minority religious groups are accustomed to being treated differently by the religious majority whether it's with distrust or suspicion. At least you still think he's a good person because you'd be surprised how many think that nonbelievers are a hair away from suicide or mass murder lol.. It would be hilarious if it wasn't so mainstream.

    It's even harder if they're from a very religious family. My immediate family isn't super religious so I've had an easier time than some. My extended family on the other hand is a different story entirely and to be honest I don't spend much time with them anymore because of it. Loving thy neighbor sometimes only extends to those with the same beliefs unfortunately.

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    • Yea maybe he has been questioned a lot and seen in a bad way. Maybe that's why he shut down. But I wouldn't push myself onto a person. If asked if explain my views. Which he did ask me first. I enjoy conversation on any topic and I like to see all sides. I guess I'm analytical lol. I wasn't judging or anything just intrigued. But maybe he thought I was going to give him the 3rd degree if the conversation continued. I do think he's a decent person from what I know about him and I see good qualities in him. I don't look down on him. It would be nice if he believed in God one day but I dont see him as any less. To look down on someone or judge is not very Christian or morally right. I actually think a lot of Christians and other religious groups don't live right. No one is perfect. We can all do better.

    • I explain *

    • I didn't answer the question sorry. I don't think you two would be compatible on that basis. I've dated religious girls before and that always becomes the thing between us that pulls us apart eventually.

  • The OT in the Bible says to kill him,

    www.biblegateway.com/.../

    the NT says to avoid him:

    http://biblehub.com/luke/9-5.htm

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    • Atheists are used to rejection by the righteous majority. Je won't cry over it.

  • There are actually many people who choose not to believe in gods but do respect the idea of a higher being or spirits. This group of people are Agnostic I personally fit into this group. I find it hard to believe that there is one god or many gods simply because many of the stories dont make sense. So rather than put down the religions I would rather talk to higher beings and get the real answer. "straight from the goats mouth." as one could say. I'm someone who likes peace and prefers to get along with others and just wants the big questions answered peacefully.

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  • Accept there are people that just don't believe. That doesn't make them bad people. I try to be the best person I can be, but I am a non-believer. Let him be what he is. Accept him for who he is. Otherwise, move on.

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  • Hold up... For you not having a religious faith is a deal-breaker? From the looks of it, if he doesn't want to talk about it, it is rather painful or an annoying subject. In the 1st case it means he lost his faith or just turned his back on it.
    I know a couple people around me who stopped believing altogether whether it be from losing a loved one, or harsh circumstances you choose.
    I never had faith... I never believed and unless there are proofs I will never believe. I dated a hardcore christian once (by hardcore i mean praying everynight, saying grace at every meal, went to church every Sunday etc... And i'm a Metalhead (i listen to metal) and i'm an atheist (the opposite of her) yet we went along just fine. I was curious about her faith so i read the bible and debated with her it w

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    • was fun and i enjoyed it... until her hardcore parents said "he isn't christian you are not dating that boy"... retards...
      Conclusion : if the fact that he isn't religious bothers you don't force yourself : it'll end in disaster. Open your mind, start acknowledging the fact that there are people in this world without faith, and everything will be fine

  • I've been religious, not-religious and now spiritual.

    I can say from experience that sometimes things that religion says or does just doesn't make sense. He's probably a fairly intelligent guy that analyses it from an outside viewpoint and it just doesn't make sense. Some people are just simply, 'if I can't see it, hear it, touch it, smell it then it doesn't exist.'

    That being said, he's not different than he was before. Has your view of him changed since he doesn't align with your religion?

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    • I view him no different. I don't believe in judging others. It's his choice what he believes. The only thing I wondered is if we got together and stayed together how would our different views effect kids if we ever had them. And how it would effect how we spend holidays together 😊

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    • I see what you mean. I don't think he would teach kids to be a bad person. I'm sure he would raise them well. I guess I just have to see how it goes. 😊

  • if you want to be with him then be with him but undet understand his views won't change. if you feel you can't handle that then leave him. thats why he asked "is that a problem for you?" because if he was and you couldnt accept it he was going to leave you.

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  • He's probably in a household surrounded by overly devout cultists and doesn't want to associate with that kind of thing.

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  • Either accept that he is not religious and live with it, or move on. Simple.

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  • Stop talking about religion then. It's not the center of the universe and there are other things to talk about.
    I've dated women who hate video games even though games and computers are very important to me.

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    • I didn't keep talking about religion. It was a conversation that happened once so far. Thank you =)

  • I don't think at this point in life you two would be very compatible since it seems such a sensitive issue for him. You should just leave that segment alone and just make it clear you Christian.

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  • Well I'm an atheist, so I would have no issue with that, but if it's really a dealbreaker you probably just shouldn't get with him. Although you do seem quite disappointed, so maybe you can try reconsidering what you're actually looking for.

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  • Quit pretending that there is a god and a Jesus. That's what you should do.

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  • I wouldn't care to be honest since I don't really identify as religious either.

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What Girls Said 20

  • In Britain pretty much no one is actively Christian, at least not in the 15-40 and under age group. Like religion pretty much doesn't come up in dating at all. I identify as Christian but I don't expect i'll ever date someone who feels the same. I've just learned to accept it. As long as they are not fanatical athiests and trying to force their views on me.

    I admit I much prefer if they at least identify as agnostic (meaning that they at least believe in the possibility of something greater than man) though. It would worry me if they flat out said they didn't believe in anything.

    I guess it depends on firstly how much it matters to you and secondly if you think its possible you might want to marry this person some day. If you aren't intending to marry them then what does it matter? Just have fun.

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  • If you are religious and your relationship with Christ is something you value, then you just have to keep it moving. Simple as that.

    No matter how much you both enjoy the company of another, no matter how many charming looks you exchange, no matter how much chemistry you have; it will never work out because he is not a believer and your religion is clearly something very cherished by your heart. So you might as well cut your losses now instead of getting in too deep and having to deal with an even heavier amount of disappointment later on.

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  • He shouldn't have to receive prayers from you, he shouldn't have to explain himself and that's where you lost him. Most often than not, atheist just happen to not believe. There isn't some big event in our life that stopped us from believing. We just never did. He probably felt judge by you and he doesn't want that.

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    • I haven't loss him he talks to me everyday. But I wasn't judging. I asked a question and he got sensitive about it. But Yea I don't judge people on their beliefs I simply was having a interesting conversation with him.

  • The thing I seem to find is that lots of non religious people are fine with people being religious (there are the odd few extreme cases of bad atheists, I agree though) but it really feels like religious folk cannot be fine with us non believers. It's very patronising to be spoken to like we're morons for not believing. People have their reasons, it's not for you to feel a certain way about their reasons, just respect their wishes. Hey if you're right, then it doesn't matter does it? Apparently most things are forgivable anyway. If you're wrong, it also, doesn't matter. But if you don't want to date someone because their faith isn't there or even if it's different to yours, just don't pursue it. If he's okay with it and you're not, it's always going to put a strain on things and you guys shouldn't try and make it work because you'll always disagree and be a little condecending about it.

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    • Im not sure about other religious people. But I have no problem with it. Each person path is their own. The only questions I wondered is if we stay together how our different views would effect a possible marriage, kids and holidays. And basically how it would effect our relationship. If I talked about religion or my day at church etc would that bother him. I don't judge nor try to change people.

    • I think you're thinking waaaaay too far in the future. Marriage and kids etc is something you deal with when you've been together a while and you'd both figure out if it was worth doing all that by then. I personally think you've got to give children all the information and then let them make a choice if I'm honest. Take them to church when they're small but when they're old enough, give them a choice to make about their own beliefs. But it can be complicated, for sure, depends on how much you love the other person and how much you want to make it work.

  • What would I do? I would be happy.

    What should you do? Accept the fact he isn't religious and he probably has no plans to be.

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  • I would breath a sigh of relief.

    The atheist community is getting larger by the day, it's something you'll have to accept.

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  • I am okay with it because I am not religious!

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  • Doesn't matter because I'm not religious either.

    In your case best thing is just to see where things go with him. Don't let 1 little thing stop you from finding out if a relationship with him could work or not. You only have 1 life, so live without any regrets/ what if's.

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  • I would be great. me neither
    I don t know religion plays a major part in your life.
    I think this relationship would upset you even more in the long run.

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  • I think you shouldn't force him to talk about it if he doesn't want to.

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  • I wouldn't care, religion doesn't solely control life. As long as he believes there's a higher force than all of us that's all that matters.

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  • Perfect since I'm not either.

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  • I say "thank fuck"

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  • let it go. everyone has a right to their beliefs. I am not a Christian either. I am a Pagan, but if someone came along who was an atheist or a christian I would not change their views to suit mine because it's not right.

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  • Move on to the next guy. Stick to your guns (values).

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  • i say "thank god"' because i'm not religious either ! lol see the irony there but really, i'd be happy because i'm agnostic

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  • If I liked the guy enough then it seriously wouldn't bother me at all.

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  • No big deal. Our thoughts and beliefs is something personal, and it keeps / might change by time. If you like that person try to put this thing a side. If you can. For some people being religious is a huge priority. so it depends on you.

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  • Don't force your views on him and stop asking him questions about his religion. If you want a christian guy, date a christian guy

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    • 1. Didn't force my views on him
      2. Didn't keep asking questions about his religion. He actually asked me first. I asked about his once.
      But thank you =)

  • I'd do nothing. You can't force someone to believe in something that you have no proof of. I'm religious but if a guy I like isn't then I'd still like him. As long as he respects my faith then I'll respect his choice.

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