Should I have kept my anxiety a secret?

We've been dating for a month I think. He wants a committed relationship but I'm not sure what I want to be honest because I probably won't be able to give him what he needs or wants. I decided to be honest and tell him about my social anxiety, the reason why I didn't want to go to the party he invited me to. It ended with how i wanted honesty.

His responded: "I don't have a problem with your anxiety as long as you don't have a problem with the fact that I won't let that change my life. When I'm going out and hanging out with friends, or inviting people over or any number of things and you can choose not to be involved if you have too much anxiety about the social interaction, but that won't change how I act"


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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • That's awesome that you were upfront with your anxiety. I have anxiety and it has definitely influenced my relationship, and not only in a social light. It's great that he's aware of it, and he accepts it. His response seems acceptable, because he shouldn't have to change who he is as a person, but in the future it could cause some bumps. Relationships are about compromise, and if you two decide to live together, but he still insists on inviting people over whenever he wants, that's going to influence you (at least it'd influence me). It's good to have an open line of communication, but would he be willing to compromise? If you two were invited to go out with his friends and you were having an anxiety attack, would he just leave you? I think how he said his response is important, because it could be totally harmless. Either way, I don't think you should have kept it a secret. You did the right thing!

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  • I think that's fair.

    You can't expect him to change his social life because you get anxious around social crowds and it's not exactly fair for you to expect him to want to fix, coddle, or aid you through an issue he's not professionally trained to tackle.

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  • yup I would have left him. He won't invest on me so I won't on him!

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