Should I show him the door? Kinda sick of things to be honest?

Before anyone tries to judge, I'm a person who is very guarded, but I tend to care a lot once I let that guard down.

To cut a very long story short, I met a guy that fell in love with me. At the time I wasn't in a great position for a relationship... and I continuously pushed him away. I denied our relationship status as a couple, and I guess you could say I didn't treat the relationship like it meant much to me.

Anyway, basically the guy got sick of my behaviour. So yeah, he left. And I never realised I'd made him feel as low as I had. This was a WHOLE year ago. And to this day? No closure.

We've spoke on and off, flirted on and off and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of this in the middle nonsense. Arguing then not arguing, friends then not friends. And? I've initiated the contact every time over the past year and i feel he's not making any effort.

And recently? He kissed someone new, and I'm not gonna lie, finding this out hurt. I feel like my remaining trust for him got shattered. And now I'm just fed up. Can't see how I can resolve it.

So yeah, should I be the one to initiate my own closure? You know, so we're on the same page. And actually, mainly for my own sanity.

  • Yeah, if you feel this would help.
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  • No, see if you can work things out as friends.
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  • Other.
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And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • this just doesn't sound good. the way you felt about him kissing another person says something obviously, but do you want to chase your feelings? cause he obviously liked you a lot, and maybe still does if you were to come around.

    if you don't want him though, just end it now and start fresh with someone else or just stay single until you feel ready.

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    • It's really not good. I just feel like I'm getting nowhere and I feel it's up to him to make some effort now. I'm sorry for everything I ever did... its just hard for me to let people in. I kinda feel it's purely one sided now and he only ever makes me feel miserable.

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    • I guess you're right, yeah. I suppose I just know I'll let him go and that'll be it. I don't see him coming back to be perfectly honest :/

    • whichever direction you want to go, just try.

What Guys Said 3

  • The guy fell in love with you. You continuously pushed him away. You denied you were a couple. basically, you treated him like shit. He got tired of it and left. It seems to me that at that point, that was your closure. He tried all that time, you denied him, he gave up and left. Done. Over. End of it all.

    And that was a whole year ago. Could not be much deader! But now that it is over you keep initiating contact? Why? And you feel he is not making any effort. Why should he? I-t-s o-v-e-r!

    And you are hurt because he kissed someone new? Why? You are not a couple! You treated him like shit for so long and drove him away. Now please be decent enough to let him live his life.

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    • I am being decent! He just keeps stringing things along though, this is the thing. It's filled with empty promises and empty nothings. I never ever made empty promises to him.

  • "I didn't treat the relationship like it meant much to me." So how did you expect him to act? You didn't want him, he found someone new, and now you're jealous, so. . . you want him or you don't want him? You have given him mixed signals so it is no surprise that you have a mixed-up relationship. Have you ever tried talking with him and telling him, candidly and sincerely, what is in your heart?

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    • I've tried that now... but only after all of this has happened and now I don't know what on earth to do. And yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I got very jealous about it. Point is he doesn't think our issues are fixable, so there's really not much that I can do with that I guess :/

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    • No it's not always true :/ its just the easy way out saying things like that.

    • Did you come here for advice or just looking for someone to agree with you? Giving you advice doesn't make my life easier or more difficult and I am not looking for an easy way out. but if this is what you want. . .

      Okay, you're right. You will be in a much better position if you don't learn from your experiences.

  • TBH it sounds to me like there was never any relationship to begin with, so why end something that really never started.

    It just sounds to me like you were never into him, so him kissing someone else shouldn't be an issue.

    Just let him be and let him start seeing this other girl. No point in ruining his good thing by putting an effort into ending the relationship! Just stop talking and let it ride out.

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    • See, it's not quite like that? There was a relationship. I just always kept it kinda under wraps. But it was very much a relationship. I did love him, I just had commitment issues due to bad experiences. It's hard to explain to be honest.

What Girls Said 3

  • I think you need to just leave him alone. He didn't do anything wrong. There's no need for closure when there was no relationship.

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    • There was a relationship though. I can't explain it all on here. So id prefer it if you and others didn't judge and just took what I was saying at face value.

    • Well that tends to happen when you get on the Internet and ask total strangers... Even if there was a relationship, you admit that you denied it. You pushed him away. And now you're mad he moved on. The fact that you've initiated all the contact the past year says it all. He's not chasing you.

  • You pushed him away, denied him being your boyfriend & never took your relationship with him seriously? No wonder he got fed up & left you - he had every reason to. So he's the one not making any effort now? Why are you surprised? I'm sure you wouldn't either had you been treated the same way. But maybe he's trying to make you feel the same low he did which I don't agree with, like revenge cheating. I would just end it now.

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    • Yeah I think you're right and I KNOW I was wrong about things. I know. It's not as if I was unfaithful or anything, so, really, it shouldn't be this hard.

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    • Mm, better to just go your separate ways I think. If you did remain friends while you still have feelings for him, it'll most likely cut you up inside seeing him with someone else.

    • This is true :/

  • Yes and tell him that everything is never between you two.

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