Why does guy friend still want to spend time alone if he has a gf?

I have a major crush on my guy friend. We've been in the same city now a little over a year, but have been friends for 8. He recently went on a trip abroad and met this girl (an American traveling on her parents' money for the year), and he suddenly brought her on a family vacation and later they both flew to Europe for a week. However, he never mentioned her to me, I only found out through social media as I noticed she became his friend and then I did some internet lurking and found all these pics she posted. He, however, hasn't posted anything and is still listed as single online.

I decided that since he didn't mention it, I would carry on as usual, and she isn't even here now (she's living in Asia). My guy friend and I always hang out one-on-one. Last week he asked me to go out for drinks, we went out for dinner, etc. Last night we went to a movie, and at the end he was making plans for us to do something this week (go to hot yoga together, which is always followed by ordering takeout at my apartment). we do have a small history (never dated, but did hook up a few times over the years). However, I made an effort over the past couple years to not flirt or do anything like that because I was afraid he would pull away.

I'm wondering where to go from here. Do I still just lay it out there and tell him how I feel? And why would he put so much effort into a friendship with a girl that's just platonic, when he is clearly making lots of time for me and we are always just one-on-one?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Some people are more introverted.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Okay so first of all good question! Second of all no one, including you, will know what his intentions are if you don't ask (yes, of course he might just tell you, but its possible he's scared too) Also, there's the girlfriend factor... and because of which I should suggest saying something like..."So I assume you've only seen in me ever in a plutonic way?" If he says why? say you wondered because of all the hanging out, the hookups, and his possible girlfriend, you just wanted to be sure?

    That approach won't create any awkwardness (or shouldn't). Another approach is asking if they are together? Or what the situation is?

    I can tell you, if you don't raise the issue it will be hard to deal with! I had this amazing guy friend in undergrad (5 years ago). He told me about a year ago he wished he dated me. 6 months ago, at a wedding of a mutual friend, he told me that even though he had a girlfriend (at that time) he still wished. We live on opposite sides of the country, and there's a part of me that still wishes I at least told him how I felt... Please don't let yourself be me! Do not have regrets!

    Having said all that my ex now, I lived with, loved, thought i'd marry etc. Had this "plutonic" female friend he went out with about once a week (there are times when this is okay, like if your SO is. I never questioned anything, and he was cheating on me, for over a year of our 2.5 year relationship. So yes, I think its strange that he wants to spend time with you alone even though you think he's not single.

    Bottom line I've learned that communication is key between male friends, and of course when in a relationship! Please talk to him!

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What Guys Said 1

  • You guys have been friends for 8 years and you two have hooked up before, he feels comfortable around you and he obviously he wants to hang out but I would still watch some of his mannerisms around you just in case.

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What Girls Said 3

  • He likes u!

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  • Good for them!

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  • You need to tell him your feelings! If he doesn't like you back at least you will have the answer and will be able to move and you never know maybe he felt the same way and likes you!

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