Should women start considering dating down?

Recent trend shows more women are graduating college than men. This could potential mean more women will start making more money than men. The problem for women is that hypergamy makes woman always want to never settle for a man who they perceive are lower than them.
Should women start considering dating down ?
A common problem among women who are in high paid profession like lawyers, doctors and engineers is that they waste a good bit of their youth on their education in order to get high paying jobs. These women can make enough to support themselves and a child if they had one. Yet, many women today still want a man to "provide" for them.

This is where the problem arises for these women. Many of them are in top 10% of wealth in world. Several of them make over 100k/year. Yet, women still for the very least want men who make around their salary or more for a relationship. Majority of women still refuse to date down;whether it's financially or status wise.

Men in general do not care about a woman's wealth or status. It' doesn't really factor so much into their attraction for mates. Men care about personality, youth and looks and many of these women squandered it in pursuit of male dominating careers. So the men they want are dating an attractive math teacher, or girl whose in college still and that lowers their dating pool for eligible men.

Women in this predicament seeing that they can support themselves and stand on their own feet would have a much easier time if they look for someone who is good partner to them and good with kids. Rather than focusing on how much a man's make and his status. After all having 2 high paid professional for parents would mean that the kids would most likely end up being neglected at home.

What do you guys think should women start dating down?

  • Yes
    27% (13)69% (31)47% (44)Vote
  • No
    73% (35)31% (14)53% (49)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
I don't get it. In the marriage mytake you guys talk about how you aren't with men for their money, women can make their own money these day and with men for "love" and marrying us is for "love". Yet, you have a problem dating a guy who makes less money than you.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • you did one mistake, you asked women to hate money...

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    • Well I never said hate money just don't place so much importance on it.

      If your making good money and can support yourself. Stop limiting your dating pool based on finance and status. If women would give guys who make less than them a chance they'd find their dating pool wouldn't be so small and they wouldn't be so frustrated.

      For example- Your a lawyer making 120k/year. You meet a fire fighter who makes around 60k/year and he's good guy who would make a good father. Why disqualify his ass just because you make you make more than him.

    • Honestly where i live that was never the issue, maybe in bigger cities with women who are focused on their career and scarfice a lot of their time and years to get a high pay, where i live usually men make more and they choose better jobs to begin with, some women make a lot of money but many stay home for a while after giving birth and others choose easier jobs.

    • @coolsky01 -- the problem is that the men that women actually want for something other than money -- aka your firefighter example -- tend to be the kind of men who are big time players/cheaters. The problem in general is that women are just not good pickers. Maybe that is why they prefer guys to ask them on dates rather than asking guys on dates -- because they find it hard to live with the fact that they always seem to "blow it" when making decisions about who to date.

What Girls Said 29

  • This is a great question and the answer is obviously women should date down. Will they? Who knows. I think I have come to the conclusion that women are their own worst enemy when it comes to dating and picking partners.

    Everything you said is true. Women want a man that has equal or better income and/or education. They never say less. They always say equal or better.

    I use to be on a discussion board with topics about dating and relationships. I was on it for several years and had more than 3000 posts so I have seen hundreds of woman that always say the same thing - they want equal or more. They never say less.

    I even brought up your point about the fact that more women are graduating college than men so eventually they will need to "date down" and I got the same answers as the BS answes you got about not settling. lol!

    This is a great topic and I wish there was a way to make women see that asking them to consider men that make less them or have less education than them is not settling or dating down. It should be of little consequence when picking a good partner.

    The only time I saw women really consider this topic was when a discussion came up about the fact that men, generally speaking, did not give a rat's _ss about what the women did for a living.

    This was a big wake up call for the single women that took pride in their field and/or education. Their identify and their sense of self worth are so tied up in their career that they were shocked and offended it was of no consequence to the man.

    They still did not think they should "date down" lol! but I could see the beginning of a little cognitive dissonance so maybe eventually they would see your point. (I am an optimist.)

    Women are very self unaware when it comes to what they really want in a man and more importantly, they are self unaware why they want certain things in a man.

    I wish they would figure out the why because that would lead them to more options in life and better choices in partner.

    But yes, every thing you said is true. And yes women should date down. Will they? Doubt it. Women are not the most rational thinkers. :p

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  • I don't c why i should aim lower, when I've been aiming high all my life. No one is perfect. no one. no matter how high i am, he'll have his flaws, and so will i. this is life. there are flaws that you need to let slip by, and others that you will not take.

    i will never settle on anything less than what i deserve.

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    • That's cool and all but I don't think that's what he meant exactly. I think he just meant in terms of careers and money.

    • Ok -- just realize that for many women, what they may deserve is a lot of cats and alcohol. If 55% of college graduates are women, and 45% are men, and women insist on the mentality of dating "equal or better", then a little over 20% of all college educated women are going to be in that cats and alcohol category.

  • This idea is dumb to me. There's should be no dating up or down or conscious decisions to do so (though obviously some people do make these requirements). People will date whoever they want to date, and if a woman is okay with being the breadwinner then great. If she's not, then she can find someone who will be.

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  • Why should I have to lower my standards just because I'm a woman and it's 'expected' of me in a societal sense to aim low? Get out of here.

    I won't let any man believe that just because he only wants me because I'm young, am attractive to him and have a good personality, then I should just settle as being his little muse.

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  • I voted no, because I don't think women who are smart and successful should sell themselves short. However, we do need to change our perceptions of what success looks like and what makes a partner our equal. A lot of urban raised, University educated people look down on, say, tradesmen and other people who's training and skill set is more hands on than intellectual, and I think it's not only an unfair assessment of those people but it arbitrarily limits our pool of "equals" we'd consider spending our lives with.

    I have lots of friends and family members who have built successful, we'll paying careers in the skilled trades and as far as I'm concerned, they're a lot smarter and more capable than your average dude with an MBA.

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  • Did it occur to you Hypergamy is a concept developed as an excuse for domination.

    Anyhow I don't date guys bc I think they are better than me. And I don't date bc of how much he makes. That's a cultural trend not a inherent tendency.

    Don't tell me what problems I will have bc of how I am. You don't know me. You have not asked me any questions that would give rise to yout having some capability of getting to know me. You have no authority try what so ever to speak as if you know anything about me.

    I don't care if a guy makes less than me that's not what is enter into a rejection shop. I have no intention of using his money anyhow. That would be demeaning to me. And it would make the relationship about control.

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  • I don't think anyone should have to lower their standards. However, some people should realize that their standards may be unrealistic and make it difficult for them to find someone. That's their choice to make though.

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    • Hm but I don't think that dating someone who makes less money means that u lower your standards or that u "date down".

    • @Dingsbums I don't think so either, I was just answering the general question of if people should have to date "down." Whatever they consider "down" to be.

    • I tho the asker was mainly talking about guys who earn less money

  • Why should they?
    O. o

    I either want to have a boyfriend who I want - in a lot of aspects - or I'd rather just be single. =) What's so wrong with that?

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  • This is a valid perspective.. I'd not care how much my boyfriend is earning as long as he and I can work as a team and divide the bills 50 50... rest would be my money and I can spend it wherever I want.. but the problem is that even if a woman doesn't care.. most guys do.. they feel like less of a man if their wife or girlfriend earns more...

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  • I don't think we should be 'dating down', I think we should be looking at different aspects than money and status alone. We should also look for personality, I know girls too look for looks and agewise we tend to go a little older which matches the guys' attraction to youth.

    My mom is a doctor and my dad is an artist, although he's quite famous and earns enough to have a house and pay for my and my brothers' college, she still makes way more and when they started dating he made next to nothing. They're equally smart and educated though. Is that dating down?

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  • Of course. In fact, everyone should consider people outside of their standards if it comes up to them because they might be surprised. Their soulmate could be someone they didn't expect. What a person ends up doing is his/her own choice though and it's not always practical to specifically seek out someone outside expectations. There are just too many options then and it gets confusing.

    Men value a woman's looks, youth, and perhaps her sexual status more than her career. It's been like that since forever, it's not really an achievement on a man's part, it's just sorta how it is.

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  • the only time I will date "down" is when I'm giving a blowjob

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  • Not all women regard any guy as "lower than them"
    I hate this concept of dating up or down, how it's viewed can changed. In my mind there is no such thing.

    You know there are many women who make more than their partners right? of course you do, you just either enjoy trolling, or women terrify you.

    If you'd rather die a virgin than touch a woman, that's entirely up to you, but stop talking like you know shit.

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  • I love money a lot, probably more than most people, but I don't believe that is what love is about. Would I like to date a rich guy? Hell yeah! But that doesn't really matter in my opinion, I would never not date someone because of how much money they make.

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  • Women already settle
    Women date and marry men lower on looks and quality of sex. Some women might want a man with the same amount of ambition. Meaning je likea what he is doing, he isn't some guu who complains about his job buy does nothing to change it,.
    If women have to keep settling why don't men?

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  • For me, it isn't about money. It's about education. If I'm going to spend years getting an education, I want to be in a relationship with someone who did (or is trying to do) the same. I don't care what he does for a living as long as he can support himself. I just want to be able to have an intelligent conversation with him.

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  • Women don't date down because we don't want some man coming into our lives pretending they love us when all they want is a share of what we worked for. Why should we go for anyone lower or lazy?

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    • Same argument could be made for why men shouldn't 'date down' though.

    • Show All
    • The way I read it is that you don't date down because they are probably going to be after your money.

    • @orphanedmind A wise person learns from other people's mistake but uses what they learned as a guide. You see these situations all the time in the media about people dating people, getting married to them, then having millions taken away from them when they get divorced. If I were to date down, I'd make sure the money I earned myself doesn't fall into the hands of someone who made no contribution to that money. You can't really trust people when it comes to money, a lot of people are greedy and attracted to money.

  • Why not

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  • No one should lower their standards.

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  • Nope.

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  • Yes, let's shame women for their success instead of shaming men for their laziness.

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  • Not at all

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  • I'm not rich in any way shape or form, but I don't care about a person's wealth either. In fact, my boyfriend currently is in a less stable position than I am (which we'll work on once we're together to do so.) I've never understood the idea of needing someone higher than yourself.

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  • No absolutely not. I will never lower my standards and I will never "date down". Either I get a guy that I truly want or I stay single. You see, me and a lot of other girls, don't feel like we need a relationship. Would it be nice? Yes! Do I sometimes miss not having a boyfriend right now? Yes! But at the end of the day, I don't want a relationship with just someone, anyone. I want a relationship with the "perfect" (in my eyes) guy. If I can't have that then a relationship is pretty worthless to me. I have my own money, my own apartment, my own friends and family, I can travel/go out to eat/go to the beach/movies or whatever on my own or with friends/family. I could even get a friends with benefits to sleep with and cuddle with if I wanted (I don't though). When I want kids I can have them either with a guy friend, a gay man or sperm donor. So what would a boyfriend that I don't truly want to be with add to my life? I would have to share my life with someone I don't even want and I would have to have sex with the guy on a regular basis, even though I'm not even attracted to him. Why would I want that? So, no. I will not date a guy I don't want to be with.

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  • I saw a post of yours before discussing this and after you asked this question, now I truly believe you were either born retarded or your mom dropped you on your head as a baby

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  • Yes. Absolutely. I think that getting along with a person, having compatible lifestyles and strong attraction matter SO much more than money.

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  • The women *in that situation*, yes. The women *not in that situation* (i. e which DON'T have a high paying job), no.

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  • No, the men just to man up lmao

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    • And when will women, women up?

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    • "Men have very simple requirements for women:
      1. Be pretty"

      I disagree with this one. I have dated stunning women. You'd be surprised how quickly "pretty" comes to have zero value.

    • @orphanedmind Well be attractive to him at least. When i said pretty it was more or less a generalized term for being attractive in the man's eyes.

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What Guys Said 15

  • The thing is, most women are getting degrees in completely unmarketabld shit like gender studies, general business, history, literature. So, they're not actually dating "down"; if anything, the plumber earning $90,000 a year is, because he's dating a pretentious woman with lots of student debt and no marketable skills.

    So, no; women should instead try to date "up" and marry those plumbers, mechanics, and carpenters whom are more marketable than them!

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  • When it comes to college, you're giving women a bit too much credit tbh. Yes, they are graduating more now, but they are doing so by majoring in subjects that tend to be easier to master (for the most part), and hence lower paying. It's one of the main reasons why the wage gap still exists. Another thing to keep in mind is that men throughout history have been the trend setters. A lot of that was due to men not giving women equal opportunities, but still we see today that men are leading the way.

    Have you ever considered that a lot of men may be opting out of college these days in exchange for pursuing their entrepreneurial ideas because they see the writing on the wall in terms of the college debt bubble? Unless you're going for a STEM related field, the college debt you graduate with will sink you for many years to come, unless you get lucky, know the right people, etc. I see tons of guys who decided to skip/postpone college, head out to Asia, and found their own startup companies.

    So until the stats change, where the STEM fields become dominated by women instead of men as it is right now, women won't be "dating down" for quite some time to come.

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    • That's interesting but this is all a personal choice. Women pick the low paying career somehow therefore are given an excuse to go for men who make more. Yes i get it 2 low income parents are bad for a kid but your argument could also apply if we switch low income with laziness.

      A woman who is lazy has a right to go for a guy who is more proactive because having 2 lazy parents is bad for a kid. And in regards to stem cell women already have an unfair advantage. The reason it's still dominated by men is because women are still choosing not to go into that career path.

      http://i.imgur.com/RFuul3t.jpg

    • Lolz the woman in your photo doesn't need feminism because she has access to stuff feminism got her.

  • Thank you OP. Because of your thread, I had such a great laugh. Seriously, I laughed for at least 5 minutes. Not at you though, your point is very valid and very true. I was laughing at the female responses. Most of them were: "Why should we?" "I want to aim high!"
    or this little pearl:
    "Women don't date down because we don't want some man coming into our lives pretending they love us when all they want is a share of what we worked for. Why should we go for anyone lower or lazy? "

    But I can bet my testicles that if the roles were switched, they would go bloody berserk. "JUST BECAUSE A GIRL doesn't MAKE A LOT OF MONEY doesn't MEAN she's TRASH!"
    "HES A JERK FOR LOOKING AT HOW MUCH she's MAKING!"
    etc, etc, etc...
    Am I the only one who is currently smelling SO much hipocricy its hard to breathe normally?

    Let me give you the advice of the day mate, now that I've read this:
    "I don't get it. In the marriage mytake you guys talk about how you aren't with men for their money, women can make their own money these day and with men for "love" and marrying us is for "love". Yet, you have a problem dating a guy who makes less money than you. "

    Women, a few thousand/tens of thousand/hundreds of thousands years ago werent the providers. They would take care of the nest, take care of the kids while the men would provide by hunting and foraging as well as defending the family from predators or other people should the need arise.
    Its in a girls blood to seek for rich guys because that means better, bigger, more protected nests! That means an easier life! Why work YOUR ass off when a man can do it for you? ;)
    It sounds insane, right?
    Nope, completely normal. I dont resent them for it, its in their blood. Its natural. Its sad, yes, and for today's standards absolutely retarded, I agree with that, but its a part of their chemistry that cannot be removed or replaced with something else...
    But dont forget that women were opressed until a hundred something years ago. They werent allowed to vote nor did they had a saying at just about anything because all families were paternal. Now they are trying to get equality, still thinking that they aren't on our level. That's not true, but it will take them a while to realise that, definitely longer than our lifetime, buddy. So relax, dont stress about it because nothing good will come out of it and just, for now, accept them as they are.
    Also, its worth noting that not all women are like that, there are some gems out there.

    Cheers mate!

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  • lol, women "date down" all the time. Men have a problem dating up in terms of earnings power, etc. because the nuclear 1950's concept of a man being the breadwinner is still somewhat ingrained. We often think other men will look down on us for this. I don't know what a woman did to you in the past to make you so spiteful. They are just people, there are differences ofcourse, but you seem to think they are an alien species. A woman that is a lawyer is typically successful in her own regard; she doesn't need a provider because she can provide for herself. These women typically throw out any need to find the traditional "male provider" and just find who they want to be with.

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  • Sure, more women are graduating college than men, but with degrees in what? Not Engineering or Business, but more often than not "Bogus Studies" or Education. The latter of which is good for teaching, but that isn't as lucrative as Business or Science. Meanwhile, non-college men who go into trade schools or the military often make far more money or earn far more experience that eventually enables them to do so.

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  • The problem is women's nature is hypergamous meaning they only mate with a man of higher value than hers and uncertain that they will lower their standards. This is bad for women in the long run because if women get in to high status careers they limit or lower their dating spectrum. Feminism encourages this so women can get access to high ranking alpha males who have their pick of women which is a small portion of the country but the effect of that backfires. Women will find it harder to find a partner who she thinks is attractive which would leave them no option but to marry beneath and majority of these women will end up alone with cats because theirs only a small portion of alpha males. Status and money only benefits mens sexual market value but womens is valued for youth, beauty and fertility.

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    • If a woman wants dating selection she has to date down because theirs only small number of alpha males who will only just have sex with women with no commitment but the problem is females nature is programmed to seek these kind of men.

  • well for a lot of them they will have to or just remain single for life.

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  • No!

    Just because you graduate college, doesn't mean a job. I know Harvard grads who work retail.

    Degrees are shit, unless you're a doctor, scientist, programmer, engineer, or mathematician.

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    • So women should still go for men who make more than them even though they have the full capabilities to make their own money and support themselves?

    • Except mathematician.

  • Lol this is so true they were saying this about Beyonce to Lol. like who could she date other than a billionaires. No ones on her level

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  • Dude, I'm a civil engineering student. I observed that nerd, ambitious women in my department are probably as cold as ice to date, They are most likely to be frigidites I guess) I want to date and marry a country girl instead of robotic women.

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  • True love has no limits. Some will do it/not care as much if there are other deciding factors and some might not.

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  • Yes they should marry me

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  • Hehe. I guess the results speak for themselves.

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  • I personally think you messed this one up with phrasing and that one mention of looks, or did you do that? I sort of thought you did. Had you made it clear that what you're mainly propagating is the importance of money and ability to provide this could have been quite different.

    Women in particularly high paying careers should probably adopt more of the stereotypical male mind about dating where social status and income is basically of no importance.
    Not because it is dating down but because that isn't what they would need from a partner anymore. The downside for women in this position is that they would not enjoy the benefits men typically do when in the same situation. The problem being that her relative success will not make her a (significantly) more attractive partner to men whereas a man's success would make him significantly more attractive to women.

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    • With looks i was basically saying women who have high paying jobs think their value has gone up because they tend to think men value the same things in a partner as they are. So they perceive having a high paying job should make them more valuable in a man's eyes than a girl who has a job that makes less.

      But men don't care so much about income and if he had to pick between a younger woman who is more attractive and makes less (but can support herself) or an older woman who is less attractive and makes more then he'll go for the younger woman.

  • I disagree with the notion that more women at college means more highly paid women. Women in general tend to do degrees like English and psychology which don't necessarily pay as well. Also the very top universities are male dominated.

    A fun fact is that the CFO at my place of work, who is a women, is married to a male model who is 10 years younger than her. She definitely earns more than he does though.

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