There was this single mom 27 years old with two kids I was interested in. She seemed to really like me. We knew each other for about 5 months. I got the nerve to ask her out and she said she liked me in the beginning but not anymore. She said that she didn't see me as a father role for her kids, but I'm a great guy. I kinda felt lead on. I'm only 26 years old and don't have any kids myself. Everyone I know, family, friends, coworkers say that I can do much better than her. Not to say she is beneath me, but in terms of being with someone with no kids. They mention that I would be killing myself paying for kids that aren't even my own and I should focus on finding someone who is like me. This happened yesterday but as I think about it more I feel it was the right choice that happened. Advice?
Most Helpful Girl
It's hard to say, but whenever you get into a relationship with a woman with children, you have to know that she's (or at least she should be) looking for something serious. Most single parents who are dating are looking for serious long term relationships and potential parent figures to their children. If you were ready and wanted that, then going for it wouldn't have been an issue for you. But if at 26 you're not ready to be a father and are unsure of taking on the responsibility of helping her raise them, then yes it was the right choice. I don't know why they say you could do better than her (not saying you can't) but having kids shouldn't automatically make someone of lower datable value.2
Most Helpful Guy
Depends. If the relationship with her is really good, her relationship with the X is decent enough, and the kids take to you and are generally healthy kids, it can be awsome. I'd marry a gal in that scenario. Gals like that should have their heads screwed on better (I say should, not does) because of where they are in life, and that can save you a lot of headaches. Imagine what can go wrong with a single girl... some people cannot conceive, some kids are not born healthy, etc.. Stuff does go wrong, not saying frequently, but it does.
But if those conditions are not in place, then it is painful and you are taking on a lot so right to hold off. it is a lot of cost if their dad is not in the equation, so you have to use your head to be confident you an handle the added commitment.
I don't agree with the concept from you friends that you can do better, I'd focus on... is this a good thing I've got. If not, then I'd pass. You are young, so you have lots of time and just starting to build savings I would hope.
her comment that you weren't a good father role for her kids is concerning. I'd explore what that means... maybe you aren't mature, mean to them, not grown up, etc.. It is something to consider or if it was just an excuse for something else. My point is, take as much learnings out of this as you can and grow.
That is what relationships do... they help you find out who you are, what your needs are, and help you grow. If you focus on learning and growing and what you can give, that will be healthier all around.