Did I Dodge a bullet?

There was this single mom 27 years old with two kids I was interested in. She seemed to really like me. We knew each other for about 5 months. I got the nerve to ask her out and she said she liked me in the beginning but not anymore. She said that she didn't see me as a father role for her kids, but I'm a great guy. I kinda felt lead on. I'm only 26 years old and don't have any kids myself. Everyone I know, family, friends, coworkers say that I can do much better than her. Not to say she is beneath me, but in terms of being with someone with no kids. They mention that I would be killing myself paying for kids that aren't even my own and I should focus on finding someone who is like me. This happened yesterday but as I think about it more I feel it was the right choice that happened. Advice?

Updates:
I forgot to also mention that she asked me on one occasion to pay for her meal, and she also mention I have nice clothes, watch, etc.. As I think about it she may have really been after my money in the long run. I am actually grateful that she didn't want to be with me now. She was gonna probably suck me dylry financially!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's hard to say, but whenever you get into a relationship with a woman with children, you have to know that she's (or at least she should be) looking for something serious. Most single parents who are dating are looking for serious long term relationships and potential parent figures to their children. If you were ready and wanted that, then going for it wouldn't have been an issue for you. But if at 26 you're not ready to be a father and are unsure of taking on the responsibility of helping her raise them, then yes it was the right choice. I don't know why they say you could do better than her (not saying you can't) but having kids shouldn't automatically make someone of lower datable value.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Depends. If the relationship with her is really good, her relationship with the X is decent enough, and the kids take to you and are generally healthy kids, it can be awsome. I'd marry a gal in that scenario. Gals like that should have their heads screwed on better (I say should, not does) because of where they are in life, and that can save you a lot of headaches. Imagine what can go wrong with a single girl... some people cannot conceive, some kids are not born healthy, etc.. Stuff does go wrong, not saying frequently, but it does.

    But if those conditions are not in place, then it is painful and you are taking on a lot so right to hold off. it is a lot of cost if their dad is not in the equation, so you have to use your head to be confident you an handle the added commitment.

    I don't agree with the concept from you friends that you can do better, I'd focus on... is this a good thing I've got. If not, then I'd pass. You are young, so you have lots of time and just starting to build savings I would hope.

    her comment that you weren't a good father role for her kids is concerning. I'd explore what that means... maybe you aren't mature, mean to them, not grown up, etc.. It is something to consider or if it was just an excuse for something else. My point is, take as much learnings out of this as you can and grow.

    That is what relationships do... they help you find out who you are, what your needs are, and help you grow. If you focus on learning and growing and what you can give, that will be healthier all around.

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What Girls Said 10

  • Yes, I definitely think you dodged a bullet there. Dating a parent isn't easy and if she decided that you aren't going to be able to fulfill a father role so soon then she obviously has a very different picture of what she wants.

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  • Be honest with yourself though, I'm sure you're a fantastic guy but did you really want to be a dad right now?
    My parents were single and dated quite a bit. If the person didn't seem ready for kids just yet, they wouldn't continue the relationship no matter how amazing the person was because it's unfair to force that role on someone who isn't ready for it.
    So yes if you aren't ready to be a father/mother today then you shouldn't date a single parent

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  • Yeah, I think you totally dodged a bullet there. I'd say good for you for working up the nerve to ask her out - but now just leave that be...

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  • Dodge baggage. Think about is that something that you want to deal with for the rest.. of.. your.. lifee.

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  • It seems like ur just rationalising rejection to make ur self feel better.

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  • You dodged a bullet, I think you should look for someone that is more like you. You should look for a woman you could see a future with and have your own kids with :)

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  • I don't think kids come into play, not in my opinion anyway. If she's not the one, your other half your perfect partner, your soul mate then yes you dodged a bullet.

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  • Advice? You dodged a bullet. I know you are not yet aware of the dynamics but sometimes kids rebel and they give you a hard time and make you feel like you're not a real dad to them etc... so much drama, and so much hassle. My friend is going through it right now.

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  • I try to think of it this way: I have lots to offer, and if one guy is unable to see my potential, it's his loss. We shouldn't have to prove to anyone that we should have a place in their life. I believe you will find someone who you adore who will also be delighted to have you as a part of her life.

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  • Sounds more like the two of you just weren't on the same page at the moment. That happens a lot. She'll probably meet a single dad and you a lady who hasn't started the family journey and all will be well.

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What Guys Said 14

  • Add this to the reasons why you shouldn't get involved with single moms.

    No matter what you do, you will always be second on the list of priorities to her kids (by some other dude). To add insult to injury, YOU weren't good enough to take on the role. She thinks you're beneath her!

    Yes, it was the right thing that happened. Even putting the kids aside, you weren't compatible long term.

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  • Save yourself the time and trouble. If you have the financial resources and aren't afraid to take risks then go ahead, otherwise when and if things go wrong it can turn into a complete disaster for you financially. Pass on her and start over instead.

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  • hell yeah you dodged a bullet. why would you want to be with a single mother. unless she's a widow she's either too dumb to pick a decent guy or she's such a bitch she drove a decent guy away from his kids. either way single moms are not worth the effort.

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  • You likely could of. Are the two kids from the same father or different fathers. I think thats where your answer lies.

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  • She is beneath you. she has two kids and no dad in the life. You have no kids go find you a single girl and have ur OWN kids.

    She should only be dating people with kids of there own. So she should be dating single parent like herself.

    Don't get trapped like that. Those are not ur kids bro.

    Think with your brain not your boss

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  • "She said that she didn't see me as a father role for her kids"

    Yes, you dodged a bullet. She isn't looking so much for a partner than for a substitute dad and you didn't fit her criterias for that.

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  • You dodged a bullet, and now you don't have to take care of kids that aren't yours.

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  • Stay away. Be glad you did.

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  • It sounds lke she doged a bullet as well.

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  • Yup you dodged the father bullet.

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  • Vast majority of single moms in their 20s are better off kept as a friends with benefits and friends with benefits only.

    Anything beyond that, it is only if you are willing to accept her together with her kids, if not after a fuck put your pants on and go home.

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  • From your first sentence it is already evident that you dodged a bullet.

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  • Nothing against single moms but a lot of the time they can be a mess. Probably doged a bullet, probably not. Some can be very pleasant people as well. Anyway, its over now, dont look back, move on.

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