Do you think girls who refuse to dump abusive and/or unfaithful boyfriends are stupid?

I know there are many guys who are the same way with abusive and/or unfaithful girlfriends, but the vice versa seems to be more discussed. This still applies to them too.

As for my question, the only exceptions I can think of (unless you can name more) are if she fears for her life if she leaves him, if she has children with him whom he threatens to not let her see if she leaves him, if he cheats on her and she has a hard time leaving him because of their children, or if she's too financially dependent on him to leave.

Other than that, if she doesn't leave him (or if he doesn't leave her) because of "love", do you think they're just plain spineless and stupid? Or are there other reasons you can explain?

  • No.
    61% (43)13% (6)43% (49)Vote
  • Yes.
    39% (27)87% (39)57% (66)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
By the way, so no one takes me out of context, I'm not calling anyone 'stupid'. I'm only asking for varying views.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, I do not think that they are stupid. In fact, I think whoever calls them stupid is emotionally unintelligent and lacks a certain level of intellect themselves.

    Often times, these females have never been shown any other example of love. They are either repeating a cycle their parents showed them or there was never a father around to show them how a woman is supposed to be treated so they literately do not know of any other type of love. They probably think any other type of love is a fairytale and that abusive love is how love works in the real world. Add onto that low self-esteem and no sense of worth and you have the perfect target for an abusive man (or woman) to leech off of.

    People don't just walk into your life and say "I'm abusive. Will you be with me?" They charm you and win your heart, perhaps give you your first children, then they begin to attack your spirit and physically harm you. If the woman doesn't have the finances to support herself and her children without him, then she'll feel compelled to stay, try and work it out, and hope he'll stop being a monster. She may not be spineless but truly believe that a part of loyalty is to fully accept horrible behavior until someone changes. She may have the gift of unconditional love and be sharing it with the wrong man.

    It's cold-hearted, nasty, and rude to absentmindedly categorize an abused woman or man as simply "spineless and stupid".

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    • An adult woman who tolerates physical abuse in a relationship is a coward indeed. It doesn't take a lot to know that when someone hits you, you shouldt stay with me. Stop making excuses for their behavior. Adult women are responsible for their own actions. If it is teenage girls I understand because they are not fully developed.

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    • @kavyareddy2 Informing you that your degradation tactics and nasty, condescending desire to kick abused women while their down is not welcomed in my atmosphere is "trolling"? Grow up. You are too old to be acting and thinking like that.

      If anything, you repeating that abused women are cowards over 5 times in a row for the sake of being antagonistic and pushy when someone doesn't agree with you sounds like trolling.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Its very hard for us who've never dealt with an abusive partner. I had a friend who her boyfriend was abusive and I went on our nations abusive holiness website and found out why it's so hard for them to leave. We think it's stupid but you have to understand these women can't just leave there boyfriends. Abusers are very manipulating and have charisma like Hitler. Basically their Hitler in a way. They have control. They are very sweet at first for the first year or so but then they show their true colors. These girls will try to leave the house and they won't let them leave. They have to go everywhere. There is no escape to these girls get brainwashed to believe that this is normal in a relationship. So its us as people who know what are healthy relationship to help these people. So if you know a girl whose in this type of relationship don't call them dumb or stupid. Its just the life they knwo and they hold on to the fact the abuser will change

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    • most aren't sweet for that long. the abuse usually start much earlier than most people would think, but as you said abusers are very manipulative. but the fear of leaving is the biggest issue.

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    • @thewanderingme that is true. I've never thought of that. Maybe even less abusers because they can see how women are supposed to be treated. Many times I think its from no good role model ik the home or life that men think its ok to hit and abuse their partner.

    • Thanks for the MHO

What Girls Said 27

  • I think it's impossible to understand the mindset of someone in an abusive relationship (male or female) until having been in one. Before I was in one I always considered people stupid or weak and knew "I'd never stay in that, it's ridiculous".
    I don't judge people who have the mindset we were stupid for staying because it's a common one. I tried to explain the thoughts, feelings, emotions etc to my best friend who is very smart and understanding and while she doesn't judge me, she'll just never understand. It's one of those, you just don't know it until you're in it things.

    Look at childbirth, everyone has an opinion on motherhood or fatherhood, but until you yourself are in it (and I don't just mean being an aunt or a baby sitter) you never quite understand it.

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  • i think stupid is a little harsh. i think a lot of girls who are unable to leave the relationship are naive and inexperienced. a lot of them don't realize they can find better and that this isn't how it's supposed to be. i had a terrible boyfriend for almost a year, some of my friends say he was emotionally abusive but i think that's tossed around loosely, but regardless he was definitely a disrespectful jerk. i didn't break up with him because i didn't know that the things i felt with him weren't what a relationship is supposed to feel like. i was crying constantly, always paranoid he was going to dump me, and always felt like i was annoying him and was put on the back burner by him, but i thought i just needed to fix myself and make myself better. because i went through that i would never put up with that mistreatment again, but i didn't know any better.

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    • I wasn't saying that they are stupid, but only asking for varying opinions. I hope no one took me out of context.

  • No, I think it's intellectually lazy to attribute it to just "they must be stupid".

    The "exceptions" you mentioned seem to be the majority of the cases. It's rarely an easy situation from what I've seen. Obviously they have to get out and leave him no matter what when it's a case of abuse, but their self-esteem and confidence has been trampled all over. I'd rather help them find the strength to be courageous and fight to leave, than condemn them to being stupid and weak, which many of them are already beaten into believing of themselves. Let's not add to the abuse.

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    • I wasn't saying that they are stupid. I was asking for varying opinions. I hope no one took my question out of context.

    • No worries, I understand, I was just speaking to anyone who does think that.

  • I don't have a twitter account so I'll post this hashtag here: #maybehedoesnthityou

    Aside from heavily physical domestic violence , there is a deeper and darker side to these situations. The verbal abuse and manipulation is the hardest portion (in my opinion, of course. If you need some sort of validation as to why I have my own opinion, talk to me about it before getting upset that I have something to say). It's easier to walk away when the bruises are a reminder of why it's not working, but when they're underneath the skin, it's so much easier to convince one's self that "I'm too emotional," that "this is my fault." I think this hashtag is quite important, but it doesn't address that women are some of the biggest culprits. Manipulation isn't limited by gender, verbal abuse is not limited (neither is physical.) The toll that constant negativity and careful manipulation takes on the self is huge. Verbal abuse takes away mental safety, it takes away our ability to trust our own intentions. Though physical abuse endangers the life at the present moment, verbal abuse endangers the quality of life every day afterwards.

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  • No, because I've dated two potentially abusive guys before (one of which may have been unfaithful.. I have no evidence but I wouldn't be surprised to find out). Luckily they ended before they actually became dangerous. But anyway, I've been in that situation, so I know that it's much more complicated than how it looks on the outside.

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  • no, for both women and men in abusive relationships. it's never just a simple black and white situation. for women fear of leaving is usually the issue. and rightfully so, many abused women who do leave end up being murdered by the man who was abusing them within a couple weeks. I haven't read or heard anything about abusive women murdering their spouses when they leave, but I have heard they too attack them and/or destroy some of their property. so, looking down on someone being afraid to leave, especially when they have no real support system in anyone else is not only ridiculous, but it's disgusting.

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    • by the way, it's not a real refusal. they don't have any real power in those relationships, so how can they truly refuse anything.

    • Id knew you'd have a great opinion on this!

  • What happens is that the abusive person manipulates the other person and makes them think they did something to deserve it so they allow it

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  • Sorry, but some of these comments are downright rude and uneducated. Are women like this stupid? No. There are numerous reasons a woman could get into a bad relationship. In my case, (a woman studying to be a psycologist) the man I was with was INCREDIBLY professional and very nice, and seemed to have no alternative motives or anything of the sort - which is the reason I decided to get to know him more. He was honestly the type of man I couldn't believe God sent to me. A few months in, I was hooked on him and I absolutely adored him. He started getting very edgy and always wanted me with him (not paranoia per-say, but in a caring and lovey-dovey manner). However, he would get upset with me if I wanted to go out with my sister and come over to be with him. I'll add that although I did get annoyed with him acting childish, I didn't think much of it. Once things got worse, the police had to be involved and my famly intervened, and it was extremely difficult to come to terms with the fact that this man who I once thought was the absolute sweetest, mature, and hard-working man I could ever meet - it was all an act. He got fired from his job after all of this, and has a restaining order filed with his name on it (something that I never thought I would have to go through at 19 years old). Five years later, I can see faults with myself, and there are times where I still feel stupid, just as you described. But when I really think back on it, aside from everything else, HE is the one with a messed up reality and view of what love is, because of HIS upbringing, and I was too kind-hearted to desert him when all he was doing was pulling me down and hurting me - and I couldn't see it because it wasn't obvious to ANYONE. Being in that situation, you don't know how bad it is until you get out of it. You don't know what goes on behind the closed-off, distorted mind of your partner, just like others can't see what goes on behind the closed doors of your relationship. Your partner thinks that you are the one in the wrong, the one mocking them, the one hurting them. Don't call anyone stupid until you know the facts and circumstances.

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  • Um, yeah kind of. Sometines girls (and guys) see their significant other through rose tinted glasses though. They have trouble seeing the bad in them and when they do the still feel that the good outweighs the bad. They let their emotions cloud their judgements. They doesn't necessarily make them stupid though.

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  • I think they just lack self-respect.

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  • I would defently not call them stupid. They are usually scared, that the partner will become violent if she tries to. Or simply after all the abuse she've gone through they believe that that's what they deserve/they deserve to be treated poorly. A few are also so stuck in the past, most abusers don't become/show their abusive side until later in the relationship, so the woman can 'think back' to the times she was treated well and the partner was kind towards her. A part of them hopes that the good side of their partner will come back.

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  • no they just immature.

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    • you're response is immature and ignorant.

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    • @thewanderingme no way! I'll always give my opinion. Freedom.

    • ok. well as I originally stated: your opinion was immature and ignorant.

  • Stupid, no. Misguided with low self-worth, yes.

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  • I meant to hit yes, sorry.

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  • I don't think they're stupid. They are in love and love can make you blind. We can't know what it's like until something like that happen to us so I wouldn't dare judge them

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  • No, not stupid. Just besotted and blinded by love. They stuck with them through thick and thin. Maybe they even fear being alone if they end it with their current unfaithful or abusive partners, because they thunk they'll never find anyone else.

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  • i fucking am right now. my ex didn't treat me right, but i still love him, want him... i know it isn't right... but still i can't help it. i dunno if it stupid or not but i just do what i want. well maybe a little stupid T^T

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  • I don't think the correct word would be stupid. They lack self esteem and the courage to find something that they deserve. No one deserves abuse.

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  • Uh, yeah.

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  • No. Love makes many blind so its not that easy as it seems.

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  • If you're still with your abusive boyfriend I've got no sympathy for you. You deserve what you get.

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  • No, not stupid, but just brainwashed

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  • Yes they are stupid and have so many other things wrong with them

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  • No I don't think they're stupid, just illogical. Unless someone is threatening or you have reason to believe that they'll come back and kill you or harm you then the best route is to break up. Some people follow their brains and some people follow their heart and some people have a healthy balance of the two. Most people who stay in these kinds of relationship are following their heart and emotions. They just want to be loved, they don't wanna be alone, or they're afraid so they do illogical things and stay with an abusive partner. Emotions are powerful and they can blind people and make them do things they regret.

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  • They are stupid, unless of course they feel endangered to leave. But staying in hopes that he will change is BS

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  • No, they hope their boyfriend will get better if their follow what they said and they tried to be the better girlfriend they could be for them. They always hope he'll get better in time cause they love them and doesn't want to abandon them.

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  • Usually they are conditioned by negative childhood experiences to think abuse is normal behavior.

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What Guys Said 19

  • Some guys are good at manipulating women into making them think that the grass will never be greener on the other side. I've noticed that most women who stay in abusive relationships do so because they believe "all guys are like that." Many of them are also dependent on the relationship.

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  • Yes. 100%.

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  • I think girls like to try change guys, without much if any success and they stay there like there is hope, then they realize years later that they loved somebody that was just terrible to them, or just more detrimental to them than he real positives.

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  • Yeah, it is stupid. Whatever excuses you are making: being blinded by love, not knowing better, hoping you can change the guy; all end up making a person look stupid. These are all stupid actions. No I'm not saying that the girl is overall a stupid person, but for this particular thing, she is using a really stupid approach to handle it. In general though, love makes people stupid, but some types of stupidity has consequences...

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  • They're emotionally damaged and need help, but they don't want it. They may or may not be stupid. But their actions are stupid

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  • Not stupid at all if they are fearing for their life. I was in a similar situation with a girl... took me a while but I eventually did do it after I was told enough times she was bad news. For anyone in a situation like this... stay strong! You can always message me if you need to talk.

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  • no they're blinded by love and hope.

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  • Depends on why
    If she expresses desire to leave but doesn't, then yes

    For pretty much any other reason, it's blindness or misguidance

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  • I think it's a combination of fear and not understanding how to get out of the situation. I really don't think it's stupidity.

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  • Society and SJWs tell us that it is not the victims fault at all.

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    • Normally it is their fault though and not just domestic abuse neither, other things as well.

  • Anybody in a relationship with a controlling pig cretin needs to find a way out, they will not change, the sooner she can escape the better, staying will just let them get away with more and make all the lives involved hell!

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  • a little bit

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  • Clearly yes they are too stupid to realize that they should leave their partner. Sorry, you can spin it any way you want but the bottom line is in the situation described in the opening post, those people are definitely somewhat stupid and spineless.

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  • They aren't stupid, they probably just under-value themselves.

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  • We all make mistakes. Some we just keep on making.

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  • Women will overlook a man cheating on them if he is her own Chad.

    For anyone wondering a Chad is a male who other women want to sleep with it.

    cf.girlsaskguys.com/.../...a-ac87-b429f719977e.jpg
    Usually good looking, charismatic, popular.

    I've seen it first hand where girls are literally begging, and grovelling to their boyfriend on what they did wrong in an open square in university setting.

    In short. If a woman perceives you as high quality/status she will overlook cheating, treat you like a king and constantly have a deep seated fear of losing you.

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  • No. I think they are stupid to get with them in the first place.

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  • Lol at vote, ud only see women on here that bitch about abusive guys and then vote in their favor. They never really say truth, just whatever that'd make them sound cool

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