:( I thought he wasn't seeing anyone else, but that wasn't the case... And I freaked out on him... Is this over?

I'm 21; he's 27. We met about a month ago on social media. He texted me everyday. We met 2 Sunday's ago, he introduced me to all his friends, we got along well. The next weekend he invited me to his band's show, and I went back to his place after. We stayed up all night til 8am, talking, sharing music, making out, no sex. We met up again the following night for a few hours and did the same. We were always kissing each other, it felt just so right. We kept talking. I assumed he wasn't talking to anyone else since I spent the night in his clothes and partially naked in his bed, and he messages me all day every day. But, I caught him messaging a girl online... And I called him out on it. I was like "joke is on me" (this was through texting since I live an hour away during the week) and I said I didn't want to be used and thought we were not talking to others. He felt I attacked him and he said he feels really weird about all this and we shouldn't see each other for now. I don't feel like this is fair... I overreacted, I apologized... I want him to give me another chance. He said "let's give it a couple days" and it's been one day since.

Is there any chance we can work through this? How do I move from here?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There's a chance, but you're acting like a hurt puppy. If you're not exclusively in a relationship, then you're not exclusively in a relationship. Unless it's agreed you can't see other people, then that's not the case. You think you're the only girl that's interested in him for his looks, musicianship, and anything else he brings to the table? You think you would treat me or any other guy differently if the show were on the other foot? Right now he's into you. There's nothing more there, yet.

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    • So what is my next move? Do I wait for him to talk to me or do I contact him tomorrow (since its been a couple days)?

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    • So I should message him? What should I say? Just a casual hey tomorrow?

    • Yep. Just get the ball rolling.

Most Helpful Girl

  • This happened to me once. There's a chance you two can work through this, but HE has to be willing to work on things with you. I think what happened is you fell for him pretty hard, it's obvious you really like this guy which is fine, but you have to also understand that you two just met, you don't know each other well enough. I made this mistake before. Listen to him when he says give it a couple of days. You have apologized and done all that you can at this point. If he really likes you and want to continue things with you, then let him be the one to initiate it. So, sit back and relax for now. Focus on yourself, distract yourself from him. Meet someone else. He's the first of many, you will meet plenty of more men. Also, try not to meet so many guys on social media. Men who are active on social media have hundreds of women they talk to on a daily basis.

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    • Thank you! I really appreciate this answer, and I think you are absolutely correct.

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    • You wait for him there is nothing to say he will come for you. If he feels You were In The wrong he'll wait to see If You have The humility to say sorry and come for him.

    • @HGStebbins well he just messaged me right before I was gonna... (: ... (: ... Muwahahah

What Guys Said 1

  • normally one asks the other to be their Bf/gf if they want an exclusive relationship. looks like u wanted that without the binding title

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What Girls Said 3

  • I honestly believe most people you meet online are pursing other people too. You won't be special to him or exclusive. That's the downside of meeting people online, they generally keep their options open

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  • You only actually met him a couple weeks ago and only have been talking for a total of a month. It is definitely too soon to assume you aren't seeing other people. You did not have sex with him yet either. I feel no matter what someone shouldn't sleep with two people at once, but otherwise, yeah, that was a little early to get upset about that. If he was doing it in front of your face that is disrespectful and not okay. But, no, he did nothing wrong. If you can, tell him that you did jump the gun and it is not yet your business if he is talking to other girls. But, if you are jealous like me and could not pursue someone knowing he is talking to other girls without getting hurt then stop hanging out with him. I was in that situation before, and I stopped hanging out with him. It is classic what you don't know doesn't hurt, but we know, and it hurts.

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    • Exactly. Spot on. I'd rather be ignorant I think... But at the same time, I'm not sure. I told him I wasn't trying to jump into anything but I wanted to be on the same page. And I also said that I wasn't talking to anyone bc I wanted to give him a fair shot. Anyways, I've had so many struggles with dating in the last few months... Im so tired of trying. I was hoping this time he wasn't like.. The others... Blehhh

    • But you can't go back to being ignorant so can you deal with that? Even though you worded it as wanting to be "on the same page" because you "aren't talking to anyone" you aren't saying anything different, you are still saying you want him to date only you. And it is too soon for any of that kind of talk. I know, as girls we want that commitment and reassurance really early on but we have to be patient and play it cool if it kills us! I also would not admit to a guy that he is the only one I am seeing, make him wonder too. You gave him all the power and let him know that he totally has you if he wants you, guys like a little chase or mystery. Never put all your eggs in one basket, if you didn't you would not be upset he isn't. I know dating sucks, I have been doing it a long time. Lots of dating struggles in THREE months? Be glad you are young and meeting lots of people, I meet someone I am interested in MAYBE twice a year! If this does not work out you will be fine!

    • I know that's the problem! I feel like he thinks he has me now and so that further makes him disinterested. And agreed, I will always be wondering who he's talking to since I know he will be. I just need to take it all lighter and follow logic more than emotion I think.
      & yes, lol... I have guys after me quite frequently. I have my choices but I really locked in on this dude... When I shouldn't have 😣I guess I'm still young and I need to mature a bit in the dating world

  • Either this exact same situation has happened to multiple girls multiple times this week or you have multiple accounts and are asking the same question over and over...

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